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The Mustard Story

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posted on Aug, 3 2008 @ 05:08 AM

(This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father.)
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, Gourmet Mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
'Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,' she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster.
It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding out.
With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife Said, 'Now you know why they call that fancy mustard 'Poupon.''

posted on Aug, 3 2008 @ 09:16 PM

oh man.. thats brutal...

posted on Aug, 19 2008 @ 11:02 AM
Oh my! After I dry heaved a little bit, I couldn't stop laughing!

That was great, and I hope to god it never happens to me!

posted on Aug, 20 2008 @ 02:55 AM

That makes me chuckle, I can barely type for laughing.

posted on Aug, 20 2008 @ 03:21 AM
Oh my goodness...ick!
That is just bad!
LOL ewwy!

posted on Sep, 10 2008 @ 01:58 AM
Ewwww! LMAO

That is hilarious! Disgusting- yes, but hilarious!

posted on Sep, 10 2008 @ 08:54 AM
when i was a fresh new daddy, i was checking the nappy/diaper. I couldn't really smell anything so she was possibly just wet. Right?

So i put my hand down the back to feel it is was dry - well it looked like a slab of chocolate when i pulled my hand out VERY quickly - i guess that 5 second rule didn't apply in this case huh!!!

[edit on 10/9/2008 by shearder]

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