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What do I want to be when I grow up?....I have no clue

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posted on Jul, 31 2008 @ 07:10 AM
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Ok, I'm a 34 year old woman, a wife, and a mother. Without getting into details, life hasn't been exactly easy street for me. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic and mentally unstable mother and an equally horrid stepfather and I thought for the most part I was able to escape unscathed. After being independent and basically raising myself since I was 8, and on my own since i've been 15-16, I would think that I must have some redeeming qualities and be somewhat of a responsible, mature, strong, problem solving type of person.

But, really I'm just an indecisive, scared, insecure wimp.

I need to make a career change and I almost have a panic attack just looking over job ads. I've wracked my brain for months trying to figure out just what I'd like to do and can come up with NOTHING. My friends say, "if money wasn't an issue, what would you like to do?"....I can come up with NOTHING. How come kids in high school already know what they want to be when they grow up, and here I sit wringing my hands and rocking back and forth curled up in a fetal position at the mere thought of putting my resume out there.

I have been home with my own kids for several years now, and doing home daycare for the past 4, so I know that lack of education and "real" job experience has really lowered my self esteem but I'm not sure how to go about changing that. Going back to school is probably not a possibility right now for financial reasons, but even if it were a possibility, I'd have NO clue what the heck to take...

SIGH, maybe I should've put this in the rant section, but I'm really getting peeved at myself for being this big scaredy cat, but can't seem to break out of it.

Anyone have any advice? Anyone had similar experiences that could share a happy ending with me to give me some hope...?



 
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