Something that I tried to give the troops

ok, you may already know about my job as a Mock Iraqi for the Army. I needed to pass this incident to you people.

One of the scenarios that was run involved my holding in my hands a "gift" to pass onto the troops in the convoy. The convoy came within 60 feet of me and came to a screeching halt. I then walked forwards pointing to the gift and then towards the convoy trying to give them my gift. It was plain that I wanted to give them my gift. It was for them, those helpful soldiers! The lead hummvee frantically waved me off with a red flag and a "STOP!! STOP!! STOP!! NO CLOSER!! NO CLOSER!! GET AWAY!!" I then stopped, and proceeded to look disappointed and shuffled back to the village. They didn't want my gift. What a bummer!! I then placed my gift back into one of the buildings where a OC (Observer Controller AKA Judge) then told me to "try to give it to the third vehicle as they pass." I waited. They saw that I didn't have my gift for them in my hands and then proceeded to drive through. Between the second and third vehicle I then grabbed my gift and tried yet again to give it to those helpful American soldiers. The third vehicle came to a screeching halt. I watched them stare at me and my gift. The guy in the turret up top started slapping his hand on the head of the driver yelling "KEEP MOVING!! KEEP MOVING!!". Ah rejected yet again. I shuffled back into the village buildings.

Me holding my "gift"

Gee, I just can't understand why they got so panicky.




[edit on 29-7-2008 by Deson]

You know Deson, it's amazing you don't get fired my friend. lol.

Great outfit by the way, Iraq Gap?

HA haha, glad I didnt look at the pic first. Your expression is priceless as well.

What a thoughtfull gift. I can't imagine why those soldiers wouldn't want it

Oh man Deson, this one is killing me.

Oh boy....I thought it was going to be a candy bar.

I'm still laughing.

Rush

You should have wrapped it up and put a bow on it.


But seriously, is that what you do?
You do it for training purposes?
Are you in the army?

Originally posted by Chukkles
You should have wrapped it up and put a bow on it.


But seriously, is that what you do?
You do it for training purposes?
Are you in the army?

That's what I do for a living

I am a veteran however I'm not actively in the Army. But what I do is work for a contractor for the Army. Yes, I do things like this for training purposes. However I am just a standard COB (Civilian On the Battlefield). I play the part of your general Iraqi civilian. The next time that they have the classes though I plan on taking the OPFOR (Opposition Forces) classes. They are the ones who use the AK47s firing blanks. I get to carry around (at times) rubber AK47s at times. They get to have the real fun. Sniper fire, firing at the troops as they drive by, things like that. In fact tomorrow I'm scheduled to work at a Mock Forward Observation Base. Namely base defense. I get to try to sneak in (through checkpoints) assorted Knives, firearms and explosives. All rubber mind you. Walk up and down a road and stare at the troops as they sit in their foxholes. Wave at them as the nervously watch me walk by. Attend the occasional angry mob. The thing of it is that I never really know what's in store from moment to moment. The OC (Observer Controller (or judges as I like to think of them)) will request that we do certain things and we do them. Everything from Friendly to angry.

The army is of the opinion (and I agree) that it's better for them to make mistakes here during training than make them over there and possibly lose their lives.

In the other thread you'll find a few more examples of what I do during training.

Wow, thats a really fun and interesting sounding job.

I had no idea there was employment like this.

I guess that makes perfect sense about making mistakes there rather than on the field.

Have fun and good luck in future gift givings, try putting it in a stuffed animal, again with a big bow on it.



[edit on 2-8-2008 by Chukkles]

reply to post by Deson



question why would a Iraqi stand at the side of the road
with a artilery shell in his handS?

From what I understand the Army PAYS Iraqis for "scrap metal" of that nature. It gives them some money and it keeps materials like that out of the hands of others. It also removes a threat to the general population in that manner. From what I understand the correct procedure was to stop , pay the Iraqi (me) and carefully set it aside and destroy it in a safe manner thus avoiding a situation where unexploded ordinance was sitting around.

reply to post by watch_the_rocks


That was worth reading... loved it really I did.... hope the next gift you give isnt so scary..

Originally posted by Chukkles
You should have wrapped it up and put a bow on it.

It's kinda funny really. A friend of mine came to the same conclusion and suggested that I take a tip from Martha Stewart. It's all about Presentation.

(chuckle)

Not to bump this thread or anything but I decided to bring things up to date a little in the "Deson gets to mess with the troops" Saga.

A few days ago I'm out at the same location as the "Gift". Ok, things are proceeding smoothly. We are training two convoys of troops at the same time. One would come from one direction and the other from the other direction, they turn around and repeat. Then as typical Chaos erupts. For once I wasn't in the middle of it. I swear I had nothing to with what happened!!

Scenario: IED is hidden by the side of the road. it explodes (Pyrotechnics) and a vehicle is disabled. This is indicated by tossing a smoke grenade by the stricken vehicle. Standard Operating Procedures (SOP) is to have 4 of the vehicles form a diamond around the stricken vehicle (12 o'clock, 3 o'clock, 6 o'clock,and 9 o'clock positions). The vehicle at the 12 o'clock position attaches a tow line to the stricken vehicle and they drive away. That is how it was SUPPOSED to happen.

Chaos moment 1: Vehicle in the 12 o'clock drives off the road almost wipeing out one of our buildings while backing up. OC yells to turret gunner that he is to be eyes of the driver. Vehicle successfully backs into position. A person gets out of the lead Humvee and in the smoke cloud manages to attach the towline to the vehicle at the 3 o'clock position!!

Take 2: As before only this time the nimrod manages to somehow attach the towline from the back of the towing vehicle to the front of the same vehicle. So there is a vehicle attached to itself. OC lifts his hands up, shakes his head and walks away for a minute. Returns and tells the OPFORs (The guys with the smoke grenades) to in the future please use only one smoke grenade and not three at once.

The next day:
My mission is different this time. I am to help train a finance group and prepare them for handling requests for such things as opening accounts, converting money over to local currency, issuing Eagle cash cards (Sorta like a debit card) and show us hot to use a Kiosk that accepts the eagle Card. Here was something that I always dreamed of when I was in the Army. A chance to mess with the heads of the people in finance without repercussions!! No one messes with the people in finance. "I'm sorry Major, I have no idea what happened to your paycheck."

Enter Deson:
Attempted to get an eagle card. they didn't have any till 1:00 that afternoon. Wrote out a check for normal cash. Got it. Decided to write out a check for the local currency (Dinars) and try to avoid the middleman of converting it. Check rejected. Converted U.S. cash to local currency. No problem. Tried to convert it back. Was informed by Sgt. Akil that it was against policy. Asked to see policy in writing. He says he'll go find it. 3 hours go by and he finds it and seems eager to show it to me. He even hunts me down to show it to me. I look at it and asked what a particular Acronym meant. He raises his finger, gives a slightly maniacal giggle and says that he'll head out and find out. I then investigate the Eagle card Kiosk. I discover that it uses a touch sensitive screen. Decide to play with it by touching areas where there are no buttons shown on the screen. namely the corners. The Kiosk then reboots and crashes. "Windows protection Error". I hunt down Sgt. Akil whom I inform him about the breaking down of the Kiosk. He gives me a murderous look and investigates it. Unplugs it several times, tries rebooting, no go. I'm guessing that they got it fixed later on since I noticed that it was working again. Jumped places in a line several times. Showed exasperation for long wait. For some reason the military decides to conclude exercise a couple of hours early. Ah well, I'm looking forwards to having fun with them in the future. I just don't want to know what they think of me. By the way, while most of the team that I worked with found the exercise boring they took great delight in watching me create chaos. In fact some of them took a cue from me about the attempts to convert the local currency to American cash.

It's so nice to act like a shining example for them to follow.

Something that took place today. the funny thing about it is that it wasn't involving one of the scenarios this time. More like the ride back.

Situation:

17 of us. 13 passenger (not counting driver) van and a half hour trip back to the home building and one hitchhiker.

We all pile into the van to go back to the main office where we can punch out. It's been 10 hours of being outside in a village and only one convoy came through. We pile into the van along with all of our gear and proceed down the road. I make the comment "Hey! I didn't know that this van could convert into a clown car!". About 10 minutes pass as we are heading back.

Enter the Cicada.... (cue ominous music)

Various voices in the front half of the van (I'm in the back):

"AAAAHH!! WHAT IS THAT THING!! IT'S CRAWLING ON MY LEG!!"

"Aww... isn't it cute? it's a cicada!"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS GET IT OFF OF ME!!"

(Sounds of several hands slapping)

"Did you get it?"

"Not sure. I think it went flying thataway."

"And who smacked me on the ear?"

"... sorry. You DID say that you wanted it gone."

"if it's any thought somebody smacked me with her elbow"

"ok, ok, I panicked a bit there."

(2 minutes go by)

"Ah there it is."

"WELL GET IT OUT OF THE VAN!!"

(Pandemonium erupts for a few seconds)

(van window gets opened and the cicada is forcibly ejected from the van. Cicada probably wonders what the *Bleep* was that all about?)

We then safely arrived at the main office. People then unload from the overloaded Van as I whistle a circus tune.

All that fuss over a bug??

Makes me wonder how they will react when confronted with an enemy who wants to kill them.

:shk:

Oh my no. this didn't involved the troops at all. This involved my co-workers. (chuckle)

Oh, I see.

That's better. At least it's not "combat ready" troops freaking out over a bug.