Cows Around The World

page: 1
0

log in

join

posted on Mar, 12 2004 @ 12:05 AM
link   
i'm sure this has been posted before, but i figured the heck with it. enjoy!


Democrat
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous and Barbara Streisand sings for you.

Socialist
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Republican
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

Communist
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

Capitalism, American style
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

Democracy, American style
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your' government.

Bureaucracy, American style
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

Democracy, American style
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate"


Corporations, American Style
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

French Corporation
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.

Japanesse Corporation
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

German Corporation
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

Italian Corporation
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

Russian Corporation
You have two cows.
You drink some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You drink some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

Taliban Corporation
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

Polish Corporation
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

Florida Corporation
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.

Feudalism
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk

Pure socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need

Bureaucratic socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure communism
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk

Dictatorship
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you

Singaporean democracy
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment

Militarianism
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you

Pure democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk

Preresentative democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk

British democracy
You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

Bureaucracy
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows

Anarchy
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows

Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull

Hong Kong capitalism
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.

Environmentalism
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them

Feminism
You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf

Tolatarianism
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned

Political Correctness
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo - centric, war - mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non - specified gender.

Counter Culture
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.

Surrealism
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.




posted on Mar, 12 2004 @ 02:09 AM
link   
I like the Republican 1 and the Commie 1



posted on Mar, 12 2004 @ 08:29 AM
link   
you forgot the Hindu Corporation

You have two cows. You worship them.

(sorry i couldn't resist, I am hindu and i can't help but to poke fun at my people)



posted on Mar, 12 2004 @ 09:14 AM
link   

Originally posted by worldwatcher
you forgot the Hindu Corporation

You have two cows. You worship them.

(sorry i couldn't resist, I am hindu and i can't help but to poke fun at my people)




haha, it's okay. i knew there were more. my friend sent me those in an email. i saw one list that was like twenty times longer though.





new topics
 
0

log in

join