1. "I'M GOING FISHING":
Translated: I'm going to drink myself stupid and sit in a boat with a stick in my hand while the fish swim by in complete safety."
2. "IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
3. "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
4. "UH HUH, SURE, HONEY," or, "YES, DEAR."
Translated: (Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.)
5. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest."
6. "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST . . . I JUST HAVE LOTS OF
THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "Is that woman over there wearing a bra?"
7. "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
8. "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
9. "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to "F-Troop," the address of the first girl I ever kissed, the license plate numbers of every car I've
ever owned, but can't remember your birthday."
10. "I DUNNO . . . I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND I GOT YOU THESE
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
11. "OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF; IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."
12. "I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: ". . . and I sure hope I think of some soon."
13. "I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
14. "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
15. "I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I have no idea what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't find out."
16. "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and I realize it could be worse."
17. "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh God, please don't try on MORE clothes."
18. "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "We are hopelessly lost and no one will ever see us alive again."