Originally posted by RuneSpider
But really, you probably had one main time you sort of had a light switch change you viewpoint, can you think of it?
its a question that forces me to reveal certain things about me that i dont like to talk about.
i grew up in tribulation. the bible was the only thing i was allowed to read. i say "allowed" but the fact is i wasnt. i was allowed to go to church
on sunday when i reached 10 years old, there i stole a bible and brought it home so noone knew. a woman name marigracia was teaching me how to read. i
was also learning english at the time.
i read the bible every morning when noone else knew and said my prayers just like the priest said i should. but still, everyday i grew bitter. the
question that came to mind is "why does god allow me to live in this hell? my life was sin, did this mean that a fiery hell waited for me on the
other side? which hell is worse? why is god doing this to me?
then a few years after, i was in the street, i went to the church i usually went to and was taken in. over the next several years, i got too see that
the church was not god's organization. the hypocracy and lack of respect for god's word appalled me. but also i began to lose faith.
i had a friend, who fell in love with me, but we were from separate worlds. i remember her friends would talk about things like these. evolution kept
coming up and how the bible was the work of man. i started to believe this. i have to admit though, it still came back to the question, why did god
let me live this horrible life that i had lived?
i friend of mine lent me this book on philosophy, and it mentioned kent "i think, therefore i am". it was a way of reasoning that you use when you
cant trust anything.
i thought about it, and decided to apply a similiar thinking to god. how can i reason if god exists if i cant trust the bible or any other religion.
after awhile of thinking i came to the conclusion that something cannot come from nothing. either god always existed or the universe always existed.
some HAD to have not had a beginning. since the universe has evidence of a beginning, i concluded that chances are a god exists.
i think at this point you would call me agnostic.
so then question again, if there is a god why does he let us suffer? i thought there was several different possibilites,
- god was an impersonal force, not a person
- god was simply not concerned for us
- god was concerned, but im missing something.
to answer that question, i had to ask a different one.
does god want us to worship him? if the answer was no, then, everything is inconsequential and life is just a wind, enjoy it while it lasts because
soon you will be dead (a philosophy alot of my friends hold dear). if yes then how is he telling us. he could just tell us, but obviously he isnt, so
i figured maybe there was a reason he wasnt.
my first guess was to look at the bible. if the word of god was infact the word of god, then i could find answers in it.
long story short (too late) i concluded that the bible was the word of god, there were too many things about the bible that struck me as more than
coincidence. (i could post this information in another thread if anyone likes, but to be honest i have a notebook dedicated to this subject because
there is so much information)
at one point i decided to pray, (i think this is the lightswitch part) and i addressed it to the almighty god of the bible. the next day, jw's
knocked on my door and offer me this leaflet "why does god permit suffering."
it took it and read it and was amazed that it cited scriptures. every point in the leaflet had a scripture to back it up. they offered to study, so i
accepted. i learned alot of them. i would have become one, except i am gay. and yes i do believe that homosexuality is expressly forbidden in the
i dont have sex since im not married, so technically i guess one can say im ok since im not "practicing", but my conscience wouldnt allow me to get
but taking the thing i learned and studyed over my short lifetime, i feel there is a god and there is a true religion.