Parents Not Parenting, Are You Guilty??

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posted on Jul, 18 2008 @ 09:50 AM
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reply to post by LateApexer313
 


I'm actually a single Mom one of many out there. Single parenting is hard on many levels. You want so badly to give your kid everything sometimes it's to make up for what you percieve as things lacking. There is a great deal of pressure to keep up with the Jones, but it important to remember the little things count more then you realize. My most cherished possession is an essay my daughter wrote in school about the most important and influential person in her life.....me. When I read it during parent/teacher conference I started to cry. Of course, the next day other kids told my daughter "Your Mom was crying" she wanted to yell at her teacher for making Mom cry. Thank goodness she waited to ask me why I cried.




posted on Jul, 18 2008 @ 10:13 AM
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Originally posted by gallopinghordesSingle parenting is hard on many levels. You want so badly to give your kid everything sometimes it's to make up for what you percieve as things lacking.


People don't look back and resent their parents for being poor. Adults say "we were poor growing up" and I can't ever recall anyone blaming their parents for the circumstance unless there were other factors involved (i.e. addiction, abuse, etc...). People also don't look back and say "I had the best parents, they bought me so much cool stuff, that is why I love them because I always had the best clothes, the newest games/toys etc..."



posted on Jul, 20 2008 @ 07:46 PM
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There actually might be a bright side to raising this new generation of "me first" kids... population control. I don't have any kids but I have several nieces and nephews. And the funny thing about all of them is that they all (as young adults) claim that they don't want to have children. I suppose it makes sense in a way. After all, how could anyone who has grown up being told that they are number one and the universe revolves around them, how could they possible take second place to their own child? Not having kids keeps them in the number one spot forever. So I predict that this "me me me" generation will be the first to not reproduce in the normal numbers, and that is good for or nation and the world.



posted on Jul, 22 2008 @ 06:06 PM
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reply to post by hsur2112
 


hey 2112,

I just wanted to give you a thought about the math thing,, I have had this discussion with many people before.

Schools still teach math as they always have, how boys learn it.Women are perfectly capable in math, when it is taught they way women learn.

do not fault your daughter too much for struggling, like SO MANY women do,in math and science. It is an outdated system that should of been changed decades ago.

She just needs it to be explained to her in terms a female brain can use.
)



posted on Jul, 22 2008 @ 06:25 PM
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reply to post by LateApexer313
 


Thanks Apexer.

I have studied this subject to death. child psychology, parenting, natural parenting.

And this is one trend that everyone is noticing.

It is of course not the only reason across the board. But I do believe that materialism has a lot to do with it.

I had a friend who was having a baby last year, put her in daycare at 9 weeks old.

Her excuse was that she coulnd't afford it, and wouldn't want to stay home anyways.


Then why have a child?


They couldn't afford it but they had a massive house and a corvette in the garage.

We have nothing, and we are struggling, yet I still don't want to work. I can't stand the thought of my kid being watched by someone else for 50 hours a week.

Not only do they stick them in daycare, they bottlefeed them, stick them to sleep in a room by themselves for 12 hours a night. Force them to sleep through the night at 5 months.

So a child sees their actual parent, like what? 20 hours a week?

And they are a child that doesn't even know they are a seperate human being from their parents till 1.5 years.

I am not a huge fan of Dr. Laura Slessinger. But she said something I totally agree with. She tells people: when you had children, it stopped being about you.

And that is the way I feel.

A problem too is that parents are made to feel that all children need to be created to be little einsteins. So now useless time and energy is wasted on educating toddlers to learn shapes and colors and numbers. As if it makes a difference. Everything you buy is to teach kids to "learn."

I laughed when I was buying a teething ring and the package advertised "teaches baby how to grip!"

This takes even more precious bonding time away from parents.

More evidence comes out all the time that unstructured play is the most valuable there is. Children learn what they need to learn, and use their imaginations.

toys like blocks and legos and lincoln logs are still the best, because it encourages the use of the imagination, as opposed to the electronic frog that blinks numbers at you.

It comes down to confusion. parents just don't know what to do anymore. We are told that quantity matters, not quality. And hopefully that is changing.

But like so many posters stated, nothing makes a child happy and successful and confident then a security and love, with guidance.

There is a book every parent should be required to read called:
How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child. by John Gottman.

And he points out that all the intelligence in the world doesn't matter if your child can be social.

it does not matter if he speaks five language if he always leaves his job in tantrum because he doesn't know how to interact with people.

Some of the smartest people work at McDonalds because so much was focused on artificial learning, that they don't know how to socialize with people.

social interaction is the most important thing you could ever teach a child. That is why it is so important for parents to spend quality time with their children, and for children to establish relationships with others.

I could say so much more on this subject, but I will leave that for my book.





[edit on 22-7-2008 by nixie_nox]



posted on Jul, 22 2008 @ 07:23 PM
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I guess on some levels I can call guilty on this one. Not that I never wanted to be a parent, but I think because I became one at such a young age, I put way too much credence and concern into everyone else's opinions. I was out to prove that I was THE best parent and even though only 18, I'd NEVER make a mistake.

Well that was a total disaster LOL. I had so many people throwing ideas and suggestions at me that I raised a basketcase! Actually, my oldest son is now 15 and has turned out to be quite a nice young man if I do say so myself. However, it's been quite a wild ride getting him there.

Now I'm finding myself in a somewhat similar boat with my second. Being 25 when he was born, I was much more grounded, and knew mistakes come with parenting. I knew he wouldn't die if he ate a candy dropped on the floor. I knew he wouldn't have to be in therapy if I couldn't afford the name brand running shoes everytime. I knew he'd be just fine as long as I was consistent, fair, loved him, and showed him how to love.

I guess sometimes it's not just as easy as that. He was born with some medical issues....hearing impairment, and a neurological condition called Arnold Chiari Malformation. We're not sure if we coddled, or over-protected him too much when he was young, or if it's a side effect of his neuro condition, but we suddenly found ourselves with a child that had extreme separation anxiety and couldn't function in any sort of social situations. I think in hindsight we contributed to it...it was a vicious circle of him flipping out at in strange surroundings, so me not taking him there as much as possible, which made him more nervous the next time until eventually it was almost like being a prisoner in our own home.

To clarify this was NOT a bratty temper tantrum "i want that toy" at the mall. This was as soon as we strapped him in his car seat he began to repeat phrases, wring his hands, constantly ask where we're going, how long will be there....increasingly distraught behaviour. We'd arrive at our destination and he'd cling and immediately start crying. If we pushed the issue we'd end up with a kicking screaming child with a look of complete and utter terror on his face.

Starting school was a total nightmare of course. We tried to ease him in with daycare...starting slow and working up to 5 days a week. More often than not I'd have to pick him up and bring him home. His teacher was so concerned, and very unhappy as our son is extremely intelligent and if he could just get over his fears and anxiety she knew he'd be so successful. If we could even get him to stay at school, he'd suddenly fall into a violent rage; throwing chairs, swearing, hurting his EA and threatening everyone that came in contact with him...only to then fall into a deep sleep once calmed down. Mid way through his kindergarten year, he threw us all for a loop. Talking about voices in his head, voices that were telling him to do and say bad things. This voice told him that all the kids were laughing at him and talking about him and that his teacher hated him.

Of course we were horrified and worried and immediately took him to the doctor, who referred us to a child psychologist. After sitting with us for 1 hour, the entire time taking in my husband's tattoos, this man came to the conclusion that our son was acting this way because we use spanking as punishment. We have three kids and all are punished and rewarded the same way. Our other two kids are NOTHING like this one, so we knew that was a load of BS.

But, we were scared for our son, and had gone to this doctor with an open mind and tried his "suggestions". After 6 months, we still had the same kid on our hands. We asked for a second opinion and the second doctor put Ryan on 3 different medications. All 3 causing more harm than good of course...but we just HAD to try something and anything.

We've since dropped that doctor and are just trying to help our son on our own. We're scared to try yet another opinion and go through the rigamarole of testing and questions and opinions etc etc etc.

The long and the short of this is....if you saw my son in the hallway at school during a "meltdown" you'd think "what a little spoiled rotten brat...his parents should be shot. They let him get away with everything". Please, have some compassion and don't be judgemental in all cases. There are parents out there trying their best to do what's right with little to no help from the medical field or their communities.

We are not perfect, but aren't totally out to lunch either. Our kids are not spoiled in any sense of the word, but are given and shown love constantly, and given and shown consequences when doing the wrong things. I quit my job to work at home to spend more time with them, and yet we're still faced with a child that has no quick and easy answers.

These are just my thoughts from the other side of the fence...

Michelle



posted on Jul, 25 2008 @ 12:01 AM
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you know what might help yourxson if he is actually intelligent talk to him I keep wanting to say beat the snout out of him but idoubt it will work LOL . Talk to him about going outside or try and get him over his fear by telling him that are staying there forever or if he acts bad the longer you will stay there, there being in the park etc



posted on Jul, 25 2008 @ 01:07 AM
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I feel that there is too much blame directed at the parents in this thread. We have to remember that the parents of today were taught/disciplined by their parents and so on; so their values and child raising abilities should be some what similar, right? The problem is not that the quality of parenting has digressed or degraded but the amount time allowance dedicated to raising healthy children has been drastically reduced. I am definitely not the most qualified to respond to this particular post ( I am 26 years old, single, no children) but I think that the feminism movement, cable television and the public education system has been separating the family unit since the 60's. Sure feminism empowers women and has given them deserved rights, but I think there was some deeper psychology involved in the marketing of feminism. Everybody wants more power, and feminism seemed liked a catchy slogan to get women in the work force and spend less time raising their children--so there is far more influence from the media and education system in general. I believe it is the goal of the government to separate the family unit as much as possible with constant distractions, so once the child reaches working age they are so thoroughly confused, distracted and misdirected that they will seek answers and help from the government. This all comes back to control over the population. The more the reliant the population is on the government, the more power they hold.

I plan on home-schooling my children and showing them how the world truly is. I feel robbed and beaten that my interests were not exercised within the curriculum, and furthermore, the education system has tampered with guilt and self esteem to try to mold me me in to a left-brained robot that follow orders and says thank you with a smile. Artists such as I, were always in detention for drawing instead of 'x', what a horrible thing to do to a person! I noticed from an early age (we'll say grade 3 or 4) that the smartest and brightest kids at recess didn't necessarily get the good grades... it was the 'nerdy' kids who were polite and could memorize trivial knowledge well that got the sticker. That's when I mentally dropped out of school and just got 50% in every class so I would not have to repeat.

good thread! keep it up




[edit on 25-7-2008 by longtimefriend]

[edit on 25-7-2008 by longtimefriend]



posted on Jul, 25 2008 @ 01:12 AM
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reply to post by longtimefriend
 


I have an issue where I have a genius child, who does amazingly at whatever you put in front of him, but he doesn't have a passion of his own.


Trying to get him to find one is like teaching Logotherapy to to a 10 yo



posted on Jul, 26 2008 @ 09:42 PM
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show him what you are passionate about!





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