Originally posted by realshanti
reply to post by mopusvindictus
that was one of the funniest posts I ever read here or any place else for that matter....spit my coffee right up my nose on that
Well since it was enjoyed I will elaborate further on the Mysterious White People In hopes the OP can locate some and once and for all prove thier
As I stated I am a White Person, you probably don't believe this but it is true, I live in the United States but remain hidden most of the time, some
days it feels like I am the only white person left on Earth as most of us socialize only via the Internet nowadays but this is not true for I do in
fact sometimes gather with others of my kind for secret meetings.
These meetings take place in parks you can identify by the fact that they have little holes scattered around them. These parks are our meeting places
and in fact our whole society revolves around parks like this. The parks are gaurded and you will be asked why you wish to enter them if you respond
with the secret word "Golf" and donate money to appease the White People you can enter our "Golf Courses" But being non White you will still never
be allowed into the sacred "Golf Club"
Only one non white person has been allowed into our hidden world of "Golfers" that meets beneath the "Golf Club" His name is Tiger Woods, Tiger
Woods however will never talk as he has married into our species and sworn an oath of silence knowing if he reveals the "Golf Secrets" of the White
People to any one he will pay with his life. However if anyone should discover the secrets of "Golf" on their own as the great Tiger Woods has he
would surely be accepted among our kind.
If you wish to lure a White person out of hiding there are more foods other than Fondue and Crackers you can use as bait, our diet is a strange one is
largely responsable for our pale skin tone as 90% of the foods we eat contain the "White Pigment" that gives us our unusual color
These foods are
White bread (a rare tasteless dough fortified with special vitamins) Mayonaise (made from the whites of eggs)
Cows Milk ( specially prepared with vital hormones added)
Vanilla ( a sweet substance which is an aphrodesiac among white people only)
Cauliflower ( an albino form of Brocolli which grows only in deep subteranean caverns)
White Fish ( a rare species of fish which is fed to our brain caste, a small sub group of us who make all our decisions, these White people are called
White Wine (Taken in large amounts is known to produce very "non white behavior")
Although we can digest other foods virtually every recipie we have contains at least one of the above ingredients to assure we stay as white as
possible to assure our "White Power" which is a secret I can never share with a human least I be stripped of my "White Privleges" also a secret I
simply can not share.
It is a known fact that white people love women who wear their hair with bangs that hang straight down.
I must warn you, some of our kind sometimes disguise ourselves and hide within your society, they practice a ritual which involves drinking copious
amounts of Red Wine and basking in the Sun at the brightest hours of the day, if done correctly these White People will for short periods of time be
able to pass as ordinary humans
There are ways to spot these White people, many of whom have assumed high ranking positions in your society,
First they will develop lizard like skin which is a sure sign you are dealing with a disguised White person.
Second they will still have a fondness for money, not just spending it but hordeing it, if you know any people that always seem to have a few extra
bucks when they need it, it is very likely they are disguised White People
Third the surest way to identify a disguised White Person is an absolute refusal to either Drink Malt Liquer or Smoke Menthol Cigarettes both of which
are extremely toxic to the White Persons Physiology
There are only around 30,000 White People on Earth, most of whom hide in the northern hemisphere, there is however a rumor I have not substantiated of
a Great Island called OZ hidden in the South Pacific where The Whitest people of all live freely in great numbers, the Island is protected by Great
White Sharks that keep tourists away and legend says that flying south for 15 hrs and following a rainbow is the only way to reach this land of OZ the
controlling branch of our species the Jews it is rumored are not allowed in OZ and they work us White people mercilessly by having taken ownership of
all our "Golf Clubs" The story of How we first allowed Jews into the "Golf Club" is long and sad and frightening and not for a public forum, there
are only 13 Jews I know of alive in the world.
Sadly, I can no longer walk through the airport because security has been informed of us and the airport people are trained to look for White People,
xray machines have been set up and being sensitive to sunlight a White person will actually explode if exposed to xrays, I fear I shall never reach
this land of OZ where I am told White People walk freely and the rivers are made of Fosters lager and the streets are paved with hardened blocks of
I have spoken way too much the punishment for which could be severe, for revealing too much the other White people might go as far as to deny me my
Hedge fund which is a special way White People make money come from what you would call Magic
I give you these few clues, secret words that will help you unravel the code to find us: Good Luck, The Truth is out there.
Prada, Saks, Tennis, Waltz, Guitar, Brie, Kilt, Thor, Iceland, Platinum, Prozac, Sunscreen, Tom Cruise, Ikea, Hockey, Dick Cheeny, Powder,
Oklahoma, Yale, Statistics, Microbrewery, Snowboarding, Rugby, Bottled Water, Grammer, Sweaters, Rockabilly, Sex Ed, Sushi, Vitamins, Marathon, Guilt,
Rodeo, Theater, Show Tunes, 911, Power Windows, Yoga
Be careful what you seek, learn these words unravel the code you will surely find White People, but sometimes what you wish for leads to things you
may wish you never knew