reply to post by sc2099
I’m glad that you found it interesting.
‘’I'm curious, you said that mental cheating could manifest via body language to one's partner. Besides calling them the wrong name, how else
might this occur’’?
1. As already mentioned, the name thing – ‘’Oh Sarah’’, … ‘‘who the hell is Sarah’’ – or Brad or Matthew as some of you prefer!!
This can be referred to as a ‘leakage of true emotion’, when you can no longer hold those sexual ‘thoughts’ deep within you. This is
obviously bad for the relationship, as you have almost breached the barrier between the mental and physical. You are now ‘subconsciously’ wishing
for your partner to be your dream lover: that is until you open your eyes or have them opened by your partner – not nice!
2. Another form of ‘release’ would be, well, a more physical form of ‘release’ which we shall not discuss for obvious reasons. This would be
done without your partner’s knowledge, of course.
An example - if challenged by your partner why you were on ATS talking about mental promiscuity all night (for talk sake), you will either deep act
because its just chatting and you have nothing to fear therefore you will show empathy to your partner for taking an interest in you, or shallow act,
in that you will try to ‘act’ your way out of the situation – you may become nervous, lie, say you were not on ATS, cross your arms, look angry,
say that you have no ‘me time’, walk away etc etc. Just act – basic social display rules.
4. Independence – the greater the need to fantasise, the greater the need to want more independence, without seeking ‘permission’ from the
partner. More time to themselves, getting out more, going for a drive or walk alone or with members of the same sex etc. Whist this is not directly
related to fantasising, it will inadvertently lay a stronger foundation for your fantasy given the freedom you have to undertake a more daring fantasy
‘Eye contact’ and ‘gaze avoidance’ are interesting avoidance cues. They are more applicable if one actually had an affair or guilt is strong.
The reason? If we are interested in someone or what they are saying, we are more than likely to position ourselves towards them. We will also look
more at their face (especially the eyes), thereby signalling interest. It’s like flirting, it makes you feel good, confident, wanted.
How many of you actually flirt with your partner, make as much eye contact or even want to make love with your partner, right after fantasizing about
Brad Pit or Angelina Jolie, or even the next door neighbour? You’re probably more than likely (but not always) to practice gaze avoidance. This is
the opposite of eye contact obviously, and is associated with guilt, shifty behaviour, suggesting trickery or even dishonesty.
We will all ‘wander’ (mentally), possibly frequently and possibly with intensity. Its how we deal with it
that could be most important: an
indicator of the relative strength or weakness of the relationship – IMHO.
Does it have the same effect on the mind as real sex? Is mental cheating just as heinous as real cheating? Is there even a difference?
It depends on what it means to you and how you deal with it.