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Political History Lesson

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posted on Jul, 8 2008 @ 12:33 PM
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I got this through an email and being that I got a chuckle out of it decided to post it.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were (1) the invention of beer and (2) the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together they were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for the bottle and the can to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbeque at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbeque and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
The rest became known as girlie men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats and hamsters, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer which conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their meat well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of the liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America .
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history lesson that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to their liberal friends just to aggravate them.

Remember

This would not be funny if there were not at least a little truth in it.

Author: Unknown.

[Edit - grammar]

[edit on 8-7-2008 by En4cer]




posted on Jul, 8 2008 @ 12:36 PM
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Originally posted by En4cer
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for the bottle and the can to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.


Erm, no.



posted on Jul, 8 2008 @ 12:44 PM
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reply to post by En4cer
 




boy is the liberal high horse gonna try to ride you for this one...




agreed.



posted on Jul, 10 2008 @ 10:06 AM
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posted on Jul, 10 2008 @ 10:39 AM
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reply to post by En4cer
 




That's hilarious. Its just a joke, but maybe it does have a little truth to it. One thing is for sure, you're going to get it from the liberals on the board.

I'm definitely making a copy of it.



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