Does having children make you happy?

Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers," says Florida State University's Robin Simon

Yes: it's called worrying.
I wonder, has the professor ever heard of that?
Or is it too unscientific a term?

And while I already know I am going to regret saying this (as I regret volunteering any type of personal info): no, it would not make me happy.
In fact, I was around fifteen when I decided not to have children. EVER.

I admire people who are good and loving parents more than anyone.
But why would anyone WANT to willingly take on a life sentence of worrying and heartbreak is beyond me.

I've heard people say children "gave meaning" to their lives.
That is a false meaning. Nobody outside you should be the bearer of "life meaning".

But - to each their own.
And, as I said, I really admire dedicated and loving parents.

I don't have kids, and I don't want kids. If I had a kid, or was expecting a kid I'd probably kill myself in a New York minute

Originally posted by Seaman_Richie

Originally posted by bigbert81
Well, I can't comment too much on this, being as I'm now single without kids, but I can tell you that I am looking very much forward to having children one day.

One son and one daughter preferably. Just gotta find me the right woman.

Where in the same boat on this one mate : ) Best of luck to finding that woman.

Totally off-topic (or is it?), so I beg to be forgiven... but this little exchange has confirmed once more my experience that many, many, MANY men really do decide to get married (or, in this case, to have children) and THEN look for the woman to fit the role - not the other way around.







[edit on 2-7-2008 by Vanitas]

I don't know if I'm getting my point across or not.

The question is:

Do you think they're trying to slim us down with this type of propaganda?

I don't know who "they" are, but I can assure you no propaganda convinced ME not to have any desire whatsoever to have children.





[edit on 2-7-2008 by Vanitas]

I have two daughters and I love them more than I can say, but if I had to do it all over again I can't honestly say I'd have kids; it's just too much work and worry to ever feel totally happy.

These days when I hear that someone is expecting a baby I think to myself, "Why would they go and ruin their lives?' Terrible, I know.

Originally posted by Solarskye
I have six children. Four girls and two boys and they are a bundle of joy. They amaze me on how different each one is. If I could go back in time and choose to not have them, I'd destroy the time machine. It makes me wonder if the families they interviewed were families that shouldn't have kids or ones who can't afford them the way they need too. It's hard work and frustrating sometimes but I couldn't live without my children now. I love all my dino's jumping on me when I get home from work and telling me they love me and how their day went. I'm very happy.

Got ya beat by two. I got 5 boys 3 girls. But I completely agree with you.
It does get tough at times, and each child is different and presents their own challenges, but also joys.
My 14 year old son has a learning disability, only slight but there. But he has a job. A good paying job, unlike his peers who hang out at the mall spending their parents money.
My youngest daughter, 4, has physical disabilities due to complications at birth.
For the first year of her life she didn't move the right side of her body.
She didn't crawl till she was 18 months..or walk properly till over the age of two. Now she just walks with a slight limp, and only her right hand has about 50% use. But..smart.and talkative!!! And entertaining! She loves to be a diva. She gets all of us to sit and watch her sing. She even introduces herself, saying "Ladies and gentlemen"..and she bows and says thank you when she's done.
She's so loving to everyone..and yes we all spoil her.

I have had many trials raising my kids, and I raised them alone, and continue to do so. I wouldn't change a thing. They bring me the most joy I've ever had in my life.

First,
We dont know the research protocol that was used. How do we know whether couples accurately scored their own mental states, let alone whether or not they correctly attribute their happiness/misery to their kids or lack of same. Some prison camp survivors describe themselves as happy people; some movies stars can't stay out of rehab.

Second,
I'm convinced that your happiness reflects your internal disposition, and your fundamental attitude toward life. I seriously doubt that your life is hell ONLY because of someone else, especially when that person is not a full-fledged adult. Happiness is rarely a reaction to having everything "go right" with your day.

Third,
Who says that kids are supposed to make you "happy"? There's a difference between happiness and satisfaction. I get a great deal of satisfaction from my family. Even if I get a lot less sleep than I used to. I'm not happy with the loss of sleep, but I'm looking forward to vacation this year like I haven't since I was a kid: some of the older ones are ready to go camping with dad for the first time! That will satisfy me, even if I miss the happiness of catching fish, because I'm too busy baiting hooks and untangling reels and explaining how to spot the areas of slack current. Happy? Not with the fish I will personally miss out on. Satisfied? yes, if the youngest one catches his first fish, I will be more satisfied than you'll ever know.

Fourth,
The parents I know who are unhappy are that way because they are trying to be "nice" instead of good. They spoil their children, don't teach them any manners or require any chores, and don't punish them in a way that alters negative behavior.

I'm proud of my kids. Even people who don't like kids enjoy ours. They are funny, intelligent, and well-mannered.

Fifth,

I'm not ashamed to say that I put more into my marriage, my family, than I get out of them. I didn't go into familihood to get as much out of them as possible. I got married to build a life and a home with the woman of my dreams, my partner on life's journey. It's been a lot of work, but I'd do it all over again, without question.

I wish we could afford to have even more kids than we have. As a matter of fact . . . . well, let's just wait and see.

I'll try to get Frau Dr. to post on here, although she claims to have forgotten her password. She'll give all the anti-breeders a huge laugh.

I'm a parent of a 2 year old boy.

I think this study is bunk, and I'll tell you why.

Being a parent is full of highs and lows... I love my son to death, sometimes I can just watch him play; and it almost brings me to tears. He means the world to me and I end up being way over protective, because I can see all the bad things that could happen (he is my first... and I'm working on correcting this bad habit)

soooo... While I am constantly full of joy, when it comes to my child, I am also constantly worried about protecting him... keeping him from getting hurt, or being around bad people.

Like MH I (couldn't) wait to meet the right person and have a child with them; but more often than not, it doesn't turn out this way... If the parents separate there is a whole other reason to their emotional issues...

luckily I found someone who I can get along with... We didn't plan on having a child; but we did, and we are both very happy with him. There have been problems in the past though... so I do know how painful it can be as a parent without your child around...

the study is bunk because the emotions are too variant to say that this theory could hold any form of weight.

imho.

Coven

Did anyone else watch the show Baby Borrowers on NBC tonight? I think it pretty much backs up what the study has shown. And it backs up what I said before, some people are meant to be parents and some aren't

Happy to have my 4 month old daughter around? You betcha. Wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.

The emotional roller coaster of dealing w/ 9 months of hormonal rage, then going on 4 months of constant PPD-related anger (at me, not my daughter, thankfully) from my wife?

Hmm...let's just say that my daughter is the only thing causing any happiness in my life right now.

I'm not sure I agree with the notion that there is propaganda to "stop breeding." On the contrary every where I go I see babies. It seems like every other commercial has a baby in it, and there are so many pregnant women where I live you keep tripping over them. My husband and I often comment on the amount of baby-centric advertising we see. I can't have a conversation with a single member of my family without them asking when I'm going to have children. As if it's my duty or something.

I also don't agree with the notion that it is "selfish" not to have children. With almost 7 billion people currently living on Earth, whether or not I decide to breed seems pretty irrelevant. Seriously, "be fruitful and multiply" seems like the stupidest idea I've ever heard. As far as I know we don't have anywhere else to live but Earth right now, and our logic is what? Breed and expand until we consume every natural resource on the planet and then what? Die off?

I'm almost 30 years old now, I have a ticking biological clock like anyone else, I'm happily married, in-love with my husband, and sometimes I'd really like to have a baby.

Then I remember how hellish my childhood was, how oblivious and self-absorbed my parents were, how much my husband and I struggle just to support ourselves, how completely obtuse the majority of the population is, how strangled and controlled we are by corporations and the media, and that I could never possibly live-up to my own parental standards.

I will never have a child, ever. I refuse to birth another cog in the wheel, I refuse to create someone who will never be anything more than a consumer, and I sure as hell am not going to feel guilty about spending what time I have left on this rock searching for truth, wisdom, and some semblance of peace and happiness for myself and my husband.

Originally posted by Rhain
Bundles of joy turns into heaps of hell.

It's really amazing that neither of your marriages worked out. Sorry to hear that.

So for 17 years I have been a single mom raising 3 boys. The caring dads where off living high on life while I devoted myself to my kids.

Yeah, I'm a single dad. Their mom left because she thought taking care of the kids was hell too. It's the best thing that ever happened to them.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but this is reality. I know not all men ignore their kids but the two I have do and from the stats on single moms I think more do then don't.

Maybe the problem lies with your judgment in men, not with the kids you decided to bring into the world.

My happy ending is surviving my kids.

Sounds like their happy ending was surviving their mother.

To the OP, my three girls are the best part of my life, by far. To women who might be identifying with Rhain, if you think your kids are hell maybe you should consider giving them to somebody to raise in a loving environment.

So I am not the only one willing to die and kill for my little 3 year old princess. Nothing - ABSOLUTELY nothing - in the world compares to her hugs and kisses.

The study is bunk and those people who cannot find happiness with children probably had issues to begin with.

Not saying everyone must have children, it is wiser not to when you have issues. But selfishness can cause regret later, which is probably why we see so many older new moms.

I have a daughter.

One thing I can say for sure, I havent been
lonely since the day she was born.

ofcourse I'm happy. especially now that she's
older, 6, she can clean up after herself and help
with chores,hehe. sometimes when we talk, i like to
pick her mind,like that show, kids say the darndest thing
with bill cosby? its hilarious!

when she has sleep overs at her cousins, I have to sleep
on the couch cause I'm too scared to sleep upstairs
by myself. I dont know what I'd do without her.

I figure she'll leave me when she's a teenager and
in her early 20's, I'll be lonely again,
but she'll be back when she settles
down and has her kids and I can help her out.

To Rhain: that must have been tough to raise 3
boys on your own, I cant even imagine. I hope
they appreciate what you've done for them.

I've got to say, this is the saddest, most depressing thread I have ever witnessed on ATS.

First, perhaps I am not afforded the right to comment, as I do not have children, but I feel compelled to say these things.

To the people who wish they could take it back, shame on you. Maybe it was not planned, maybe you didn't prepare. Those issues are not the fault of your children. Raising children well is an unbelievable task as I see it.

I am also sorry to see the people who are so conspiratorial and have lost all hope for the world so they choose never to procreate. Maybe you drank the wrong flavor of coolaid. You are severely diluted to assume that all people will feed the evils of the world.

As for the people admitting they don't think they could do it, well at least you're being responsible.

In my life today, the greatest joys in the world are playing music and drinking the first sip of a cold beer. I have to say, that, if needed, I would give those up for life I was ever blessed with a child. My girlfriend of almost 4 years will be a fantastic mother, and I'll be a great dad. I see my nieces and almost want the ridiculous amounts of painful responsibility. Because there is literally nothing in the world more precious than seeing a baby's face smile while looking you directly in the eyes. That's proof of God to me.

Children grow up, and you have to adapt as a parent. My aunt is an awful mother. Her children will probably never get through school. They will probably have their own children at a young age because of her terrible parenting. I feel bad she is given the blessing and she tosses it out to go to the bar instead of tucking in her beautiful girls.

My parents afforded me reality at a young age, and even if I remember those spankings as a kid, or that underage drinking violation I will never outlive from my dad, I will always thank them for preparing me to be a good parent (whenever I am financially and emotionally prepared to do so).

I feel it in my blood. I am not quite there, but giving up my current lifestyle to be a working (or even stay at home) dad is something I look forward to in the future. My children will be a reflection of me, and if I have to go to hell and back, they will be good people.

reply to post by josephine

Wonderful! Are you a poet, a writer? Just reading that gave me a wonderful feeling of serenity.

I personally think that for many people having a child is a selfish act. They never consider if they have the resources to produce a well adjusted emotionally healthy and happy human. It is my belief that most are lacking in those resources and only wish to have a child so they can feel loved. So many of the posts in this thread express regret for having children and even blame it on the children themselves. These are clearly those seeking love and lacking the ability to give a child all that is needed. It's never the child's fault when things go wrong and it's always the parents lack of ability to produce a happy and healthy environment. However, those in this camp are simply the product of the same thing. Saying that smart people don't have kids is not all together true either. Smart people take time for introspection of self and determine before hand whether or not they possess the ability to break the cycle of selfish parenting and be the provider of love rather than the needy recipient.

The one question that all struggle with from a place of unawareness within themselves. Should I procreate my DNA? The question that rarely gets asked of one's self. Do I possess the ability to make a loving human, or am I seeking to feed my own desires for love?

If a child were a vessel for love, would you fill it to overflowing or would you suck it dry? Sadly, the latter is most common.

I have children and they do make me very happy. The only time I questioned having them was imeditaly after I saw through the lie that we live in. And truly how evil most governments are. It was then my heart broke and I felt guilt. What world have I brought them into? But years later I know they are meant to be here and I cherish every moment with them and they plus for all the children are my inspiration to investigate the real truth further.

I understand that children are the future of our genetic existence, but the Earth is the provider for that existence.
I think we humans have become very selfish. Any two people that create more than two children in their lifetime are placing a tax on our mother Earth, that these future children will have to pay.

I think China has the right idea, and I think all other nations of this planet should follow suit.
Can every person just have as many children as they want, or should every person have to bear the responsibility of insuring that the world can handle it's human population?

There seems to be alot of responsible parents alive, that have increased the Earths population irresponsibly.
When I was in High School the estimated population of Earth was 2 billion people. In the last 15 years we responsible humans have allowed that figure to past the 6 billion mark.

One of the commandments placed on the 'Georgia Guidestones' rings out in my head when I think about the population.

For Every Million or so people we get a great genius for Every Billion we get a person who changes the world... having children will never be the cause of harm to this world only our hope for the problems we have to be solved

This study is retarded, if asked on the street in a poll, lol, I might well make some stupid remark, as many would for their spouse etc, etc...

But nothing gives me more in life than my children, nothing makes me happier.