Does having children make you happy?

Originally posted by bigbert81
Well, I can't comment too much on this, being as I'm now single without kids, but I can tell you that I am looking very much forward to having children one day.

One son and one daughter preferably. Just gotta find me the right woman.

Where in the same boat on this one mate : ) Best of luck to finding that woman.




Best Regards,

Richie

reply to post by Rhain


I "pay" my mom back with gratitude and help, I believe your boys do the same. My mother says that making me a man that does the right thing and respects women and people was worth all the hardship and struggle.

reply to post by Seaman_Richie


Thanks Richie,

'Bout to get myself back into the dating scene again, so hopefully that goes well. Been a little while.

Best of luck to you too.

bb81

reply to post by Rhain



Calling you selfish was a harsh thing to do. I apologize for that.

I agree, raising three kids by yourself is a very hard thing to do and I give you the utmost respect for doing it. One of my best friends comes from a family of three boys raised by a single mom. I have the utmost respect for her also. She is almost superhuman the way she works and raises three obnoxious boys so I definitely feel where you are coming from. High five for accomplishing all you have.

But I just wanted to point out that not all guys think the way you classified us as thinking. In fact, ALL of the guys I know that have kids would do anything for them including kill for them if they had to.

reply to post by sir_chancealot


I agree, the same types of men seem to be attracted to some women. My second attempt was a man with 2 children, very caring. I found out too late what his vice was, and that was other women. He once told me it was his duty to share himself with as much women as possible.

So I went from my first marriage damaged and unloved to a loving guy, just too loving. Ya I fell for it. But the good news is I have 2 sons by this man. It was just hard raising them without him. He loved his women too much.

Haqving kids is hard, it's up and down, but when your sad, upset, whatever all I have to do is think about my little man and the world seems to get better. I'm scared for the world he's growing up in, but I would not give him up for anything. But he's only part of my happiness though...

since the question of this thread is "does having children make you happy?", i can answer with no they do not make me happy. my wife and i do not have any, and we have talked countless hours/days about it and have agreed we do not need a kid any time soon. my wife further said that even if we were to have a kid someday, it would be via adoption.

the only reason my spouse and i would want a kid by her being impregnated is to see what the child would look like.

we just rescued a dog and we are having fun with him. owning and caring for a dog is a good test-run for seeing if being parents should even be an option. for us, it might not be, and that is cool.

is what my wife and i want right for anyone but us? probably not.

reply to post by jamiros


I have a child and he is my heart and soul.

His little giggles of laughter can make the world turn for me, and I will do anything in the world for it.

Life before him just kind of looks pointless now.

These studies are just always to be taken with a grain of salt.

They just say emotional well being. They don't say what kind of emotional well being.

There is a massive grey area here, and these statements are way too vague.


Life with children is hard. And the less emotional well being may come in to play with worry, money, and loss of self.

When you have a child, everything looks very different, and dangerous. And yes, there are times where you just want to lie there and watch tv adn not have a care in the world, but you have a responsibility 24/7.
You have so much love wrapped up in a little human being, that you will make sure it stays there.

There is guilt and worry constantly. Are you doing the right thing? Are they healthy? ARe you going to be able to afford braces and college?

So that is going to take happy parent down a few notches.

parentless people are happy because they have more money, are free to do what they want, and don't have the worry.


So why yes, the emotional well being of both sides may not be different, it is for different reasons.

The real point here is that I have met very few parents, if any, that would ever go back and not have kids.


Their worst fears are anything happening to their children.


So I think this study is mis-leading in implying that children don't make you happy, it just comes bundled with its own issues.

I can personally vouch that life is not worth living without my son. They keep you young, they keep you inspired, they keep you on your toes, most importantly, they keep you in love.

Originally posted by ListenD
Everyone reading this immediatly stop what you're doing and call your parents. Thank them for everything they had to do to get you to where you are at right now. Because let me tell you, raising children has to be one of the most stressful jobs in the world!

I'm a 24 year old male with two children ages 1 and 2. One way or another my life has developed in such a way that I, instead of my fiance, stay home with the kids. I have had my share of jobs but i can say without a doubt this is hands down the most demanding.

Just worrying about making sure they don't put small things into their mouths can drive you insane! You literally have to know where they are and what they are doing at all times. As you can imagine this is twice as difficult with two or more kids.

I'm at the point right now where I feel I have zero time to myself. I've noticed that within the last year alone I have become increasingly crass. Migraines are a daily occurance, and I'm talking the 'kiss the porcelain' type. My body is tired all the time and I hardly ever sleep for more than an hour or two at a time because the worrying doesn't ever cease.

With all this in mind I would say that while kids themselves aren't depressing, worrying about them can create depression. On a lighter note, teaching children and knowing you make a difference in their lives can be the most rewarding job.

Alrighty then, it's almost nap time so I got to make some lunch...

But don't forget to call your parents!

Here's the opposing thread: Children Are Depressing; 15th post.

Originally posted by Mad_Hatter
reply to post by Rhain

 

But I just wanted to point out that not all guys think the way you classified us as thinking. In fact, ALL of the guys I know that have kids would do anything for them including kill for them if they had to.

Your right, and I tried to relay in my first post that not all men are as bad as the ones in my life. (Try rereading my first post with a smile and a chuckle then you will get my mood as I wrote it. It does come off harsh and selfish.)

I don't know if I'm getting my point across or not.

The question is:

Do you think they're trying to slim us down with this type of propaganda?

reply to post by ListenD


There you go again... more of that don't have kids attitude and don't procreate.

reply to post by jamiros


I think the study was done very badly. Of course I wasn't there. But I have been a part of other studies and I usually find them lacking.

They also don't specify what is going on in those people's lives. The question could of simply been, do you have kids? are you happy? no? ok. check.

Children are hard. I applause people who know they are not going to be good parents and don't have them. Just because you can have children doesn't mean you should. You like your freedom too much? good for you.

Though what saddens me is that there are couples who decide this and I think they would be awesome parents.

It can also be too that you haven't met the right person. If you don't have a spouse your happy with it, it makes it harder.

And people make the mistake that they choose someone who is perfect for them,or perceived to be, but never consider their parenting skills.

When I met my husband, he is not all there, but I knew he would be good with children. And for all the issues he is a good dad and that makes all the difference, having a partner you have confidence in.

I had a friend who was against children so much he had a vesectemy at 25. Well he broke up with his long term girlfriend, found a sweet hottie and is IN LOVE. Oh they are going to have beautiful babies, blah blah blah
so guess who is going under the knife again, lol.

So sometimes you need the right chemistry to make it happen for you. I didn't want kids till I turned 25. All of a sudden the clock kicked in(happened to all my friends too at 25) and I met my husband, and it clicked. I changed my mind.

reply to post by jamiros


Have you seen the Idiocacy movie. It relates to high IQ people who wait to have children and may have one because they figure one child into their yearly salary. But the low IQ people don't figure in the cost and just have kids. Guys impregnating multi-partners. Woman sleeping with whoever and whatever.

So by the year 2500 the highest IQ in the world is below 80. Its a funny movie, makes you think of how true some of it is.

Preview here.

Originally posted by jamiros
I don't know if I'm getting my point across or not.

The question is:

Do you think they're trying to slim us down with this type of propaganda?

Your point is not getting across because the question as stated in the heading is 'Does Having Children Make You Happy?' Peeps are simply answering this question and disregarding your original post. Perhaps a different title might keep people on topic... Just a thought.

BTW there are many organizations trying to reduce the world poplulation through many different types of propaganda. Here's an example: The Popluation Institute

[edit on 2-7-2008 by ListenD]

It's a never ending battle between the have-kids vs. no-kids groups. I would say it is analogous to the stupid battle being waged between the career-moms and the stay-at-home moms. It basically comes down to a matter of perspective.

My personal opinion is that children are not only the ultimate gift, but a reflection of who you are. You learn, grow and adapt to a life with kids, and I for one find it to be a fantastic experience, despite the bumps and bruises along the way.

As for any propaganda that may be involved, I really think that the original author merely penned a little food for thought. Let's face it, happiness is a state of mind.

No, children do not make you happy. YOU make you happy, and that's it. There are people who think their children make them happy, but then their children grow up and leave home or disappoint them or do something that takes their "joy" and "happiness" away, because nothing external (this includes children and other relationships) can make you happy. Not really.

However, having children does make it more difficult for you to make you happy if you weren't already in that place to begin with. Raising children is laborious, stressful, at times sad and mentally and emotionally draining. This is true for every parent I know (including me), even the ones who go on and on about how their children are "bundles of joy". Without a strong sense of self and a strong support system, this emotional/mental exhaustion that every parent experiences multiple times throughout the course of at least 18 years can be difficult to overcome. I think that is what is going on with many parents, including a lot of the parents in this study. For all the blather people spout about "family values", we do not live in a society that values family, or more importantly, that values raising children. Hence, there is not a lot of support of any kind for parents, and if you don't have a built in support system for whatever reason, then it can be extremely difficult to maintain a sense of emotional well-being while raising children. Especially with the widespread myth that children are the key to happiness; I would think that just makes the strain worse, because you find yourself wondering "what am I doing wrong, because I am not feeling the joy like I should be."

Also, no, I don't think this is propaganda to get people to stop procreating. It's a study that sheds some truth on the issue. I think it's important for people to know that kids aren't the key to joy and happiness, and actually will make it difficult for you to achieve joy and happiness if you're not already there to begin with. Maybe then (as seems to be happening) people will think much longer and harder about not just the financial aspects of having children (which I find to be the least important, oddly enough) but also the effect that having children will have on you mentally and emotionally, because that is the most affected area of one's life when becoming parent, and, at least for me, that was the one area of change that I was most unprepared for.

I think there is a major problem with society.

If two people love each other and decide they want to have one(or more) children, I believe that the most important factor that plays toward happiness, is that the parents never forget the base reason behind why they chose to have children together.

...If they don't have the same love of one another after the child is born, then that kid will ultimately help to depress the relationship, even if they can't see it is they that let themselves lose that something that made having kids a good idea in the first place.

I've heard this theory before, oddly enough about three or four times lately and I think I'd have to agree.

I think the issue is that some people are really meant to be parents and caregivers. I know I've met girls and women who were just meant to be moms and some of them have known it all along. However, I think a lot of people become enamored with the idea of having children while not really considering the reality of it.

A few months ago a friend of mine just had a baby which added to the kid e already had. They are freakin miserable if I've ever seen miserable. We were hanging out once, and between fits of screaming children and bouts of yelling with the wife he told me

"Ed, don't ever have children, gettin married is ok but once you have kids $#!+, it's over, whatever you wanted to do with your life, just forget about it."

Well, needless to say he didn't even have to say it to me, I had already gleamed that from the happy house hold.

I'm just not the type of person who's cut out to be a parent. It would work if I had a wife who was nothing but dedicated to the children and we had a Ward and June Cleaver thing going where I work and she takes care of the kids but that would be pretty unfair to her and I doubt it would work.

I'm just too anti-social, I'm introverted and I feel I could never really connect with the kids or give them what they need in terms of an emotional bond. i already have enough trouble with friends and significant others. I have a real disconnection in my emotional faculties.

I wouldn't be able to take the subjecting my own children to how cruel and unfair the world is. I could never afford the best schools or afterschool programs. I could never afford the lifestyle I would want for my children. I don't want them growing up hungry and alone like I did.

Going by how I was when I was a kid, I definitely don't want children but I suppose I could change my mind one day

As a teenager & young adult I always said that I would never have kids.
When I got married at 28 my friends were having kids, and it just sesemed like the thing to do. So I had 2 boys. HUGE mistake!

They were nice for a while... the marriage went to h### & I became a single mom. Worked by way up in my profession.
By the time they were 8 years old they were driving me nuts. They got into trouble, dropped out of school.
They bled me mentally, emotionally and financially. And it continues.
I should be economically well off and retired, living the good life.
Instead here I am in the last chapter of life pinching pennies and making choices of where to spend them. And he says: 'Oh, could I have $20 for gas?" It never ends.