Originally posted by bigbert81
Well, I can't comment too much on this, being as I'm now single without kids, but I can tell you that I am looking very much forward to having children one day.

One son and one daughter preferably. Just gotta find me the right woman.

Where in the same boat on this one mate : ) Best of luck to finding that woman.




Best Regards,

Richie

Haqving kids is hard, it's up and down, but when your sad, upset, whatever all I have to do is think about my little man and the world seems to get better. I'm scared for the world he's growing up in, but I would not give him up for anything. But he's only part of my happiness though...

since the question of this thread is "does having children make you happy?", i can answer with no they do not make me happy. my wife and i do not have any, and we have talked countless hours/days about it and have agreed we do not need a kid any time soon. my wife further said that even if we were to have a kid someday, it would be via adoption.

the only reason my spouse and i would want a kid by her being impregnated is to see what the child would look like.

we just rescued a dog and we are having fun with him. owning and caring for a dog is a good test-run for seeing if being parents should even be an option. for us, it might not be, and that is cool.

is what my wife and i want right for anyone but us? probably not.

I don't know if I'm getting my point across or not.

The question is:

Do you think they're trying to slim us down with this type of propaganda?

It's a never ending battle between the have-kids vs. no-kids groups. I would say it is analogous to the stupid battle being waged between the career-moms and the stay-at-home moms. It basically comes down to a matter of perspective.

My personal opinion is that children are not only the ultimate gift, but a reflection of who you are. You learn, grow and adapt to a life with kids, and I for one find it to be a fantastic experience, despite the bumps and bruises along the way.

As for any propaganda that may be involved, I really think that the original author merely penned a little food for thought. Let's face it, happiness is a state of mind.

No, children do not make you happy. YOU make you happy, and that's it. There are people who think their children make them happy, but then their children grow up and leave home or disappoint them or do something that takes their "joy" and "happiness" away, because nothing external (this includes children and other relationships) can make you happy. Not really.

However, having children does make it more difficult for you to make you happy if you weren't already in that place to begin with. Raising children is laborious, stressful, at times sad and mentally and emotionally draining. This is true for every parent I know (including me), even the ones who go on and on about how their children are "bundles of joy". Without a strong sense of self and a strong support system, this emotional/mental exhaustion that every parent experiences multiple times throughout the course of at least 18 years can be difficult to overcome. I think that is what is going on with many parents, including a lot of the parents in this study. For all the blather people spout about "family values", we do not live in a society that values family, or more importantly, that values raising children. Hence, there is not a lot of support of any kind for parents, and if you don't have a built in support system for whatever reason, then it can be extremely difficult to maintain a sense of emotional well-being while raising children. Especially with the widespread myth that children are the key to happiness; I would think that just makes the strain worse, because you find yourself wondering "what am I doing wrong, because I am not feeling the joy like I should be."

Also, no, I don't think this is propaganda to get people to stop procreating. It's a study that sheds some truth on the issue. I think it's important for people to know that kids aren't the key to joy and happiness, and actually will make it difficult for you to achieve joy and happiness if you're not already there to begin with. Maybe then (as seems to be happening) people will think much longer and harder about not just the financial aspects of having children (which I find to be the least important, oddly enough) but also the effect that having children will have on you mentally and emotionally, because that is the most affected area of one's life when becoming parent, and, at least for me, that was the one area of change that I was most unprepared for.

I think there is a major problem with society.

If two people love each other and decide they want to have one(or more) children, I believe that the most important factor that plays toward happiness, is that the parents never forget the base reason behind why they chose to have children together.

...If they don't have the same love of one another after the child is born, then that kid will ultimately help to depress the relationship, even if they can't see it is they that let themselves lose that something that made having kids a good idea in the first place.

I've heard this theory before, oddly enough about three or four times lately and I think I'd have to agree.

I think the issue is that some people are really meant to be parents and caregivers. I know I've met girls and women who were just meant to be moms and some of them have known it all along. However, I think a lot of people become enamored with the idea of having children while not really considering the reality of it.

A few months ago a friend of mine just had a baby which added to the kid e already had. They are freakin miserable if I've ever seen miserable. We were hanging out once, and between fits of screaming children and bouts of yelling with the wife he told me

"Ed, don't ever have children, gettin married is ok but once you have kids $#!+, it's over, whatever you wanted to do with your life, just forget about it."

Well, needless to say he didn't even have to say it to me, I had already gleamed that from the happy house hold.

I'm just not the type of person who's cut out to be a parent. It would work if I had a wife who was nothing but dedicated to the children and we had a Ward and June Cleaver thing going where I work and she takes care of the kids but that would be pretty unfair to her and I doubt it would work.

I'm just too anti-social, I'm introverted and I feel I could never really connect with the kids or give them what they need in terms of an emotional bond. i already have enough trouble with friends and significant others. I have a real disconnection in my emotional faculties.

I wouldn't be able to take the subjecting my own children to how cruel and unfair the world is. I could never afford the best schools or afterschool programs. I could never afford the lifestyle I would want for my children. I don't want them growing up hungry and alone like I did.

Going by how I was when I was a kid, I definitely don't want children but I suppose I could change my mind one day

As a teenager & young adult I always said that I would never have kids.
When I got married at 28 my friends were having kids, and it just sesemed like the thing to do. So I had 2 boys. HUGE mistake!

They were nice for a while... the marriage went to h### & I became a single mom. Worked by way up in my profession.
By the time they were 8 years old they were driving me nuts. They got into trouble, dropped out of school.
They bled me mentally, emotionally and financially. And it continues.
I should be economically well off and retired, living the good life.
Instead here I am in the last chapter of life pinching pennies and making choices of where to spend them. And he says: 'Oh, could I have $20 for gas?" It never ends.