reply to post by schrodingers dog
I'd like to say that I am gay as well and have been for as long as I remember. Although I don't like to put labels on things and say "that's
something men do" or the contrary etc., when I was a child I used to play with dolls and games that generally girls enjoy. I remember having fun
playing with my brother's playmobil's, but I also had my own collection of pony dolls which I would brush all day. I remember my parents trying to
convince me to pick another toy when we went to a toy shop, but I would go straight to the section with the dolls and pick a pony doll I didn't have
(whenever they made me a present, however, it was never a pony doll. I couldn't figure then that they were trying to make me play with games boys
usually play). Anyway, at some point my mother convinced me to give the collection of pony dolls I had to a distant cousin of mine, which I did,
although I was a bit reluctant. I would still, though, fancy brushing the hair of relative persons and pretend that I was actually styling their
At school I used to have more female friends and that trend persisted till my graduation. I was often called 'gay' from other kids when we were at
my father's village for vacation. Actually, I first heard that word there (I am Greek) and I still remember the first time I was called gay. I was
sitting on the veranda and a "friend" of mine was walking with his cousin by the road and he stopped to greet me and then he left. When he and his
cousin had distanced a bit, my 'friend' turned to his cousin and said in a sarcastic tone, "gay!" and they both laughed. I understood that what he
had said wasn't very positive, but I didn't know what he was meaning. Sadly, I found out the next days. Most of the kids started calling me sis, gay
etc. with the exception of a few more mature boys and the girls who were supporting me. Needless to say from that time I started becoming shy and
self-conscious as those kids (almost teenagers. I was 3-4 years younger than most of the kids) made me feel I was something laughable and in a way
inferior. Fortunately, at school I was seldom called gay with the exception of a few bullies at high school who ridiculed me a couple of times in
front of other classmates of mine, but stopped doing so as they noticed no reaction from my part.
I believe that I first started liking boys during third grade ( I had never been called gay at that point of time) and it became definitive in seventh
grade when I went to secondary school. Funny, but now that I think of it, my parents would often ask me if I liked any girl at school and that
question was always making me feel uncomfortable and I would just say a girl at random...
Anyway, the point is that I didn't choose to be gay. I just am, and frankly, although being straight seems alien to me (yes, it does, no matter how
strange may sound), I would prefer to be straight, because I'd love to have a family. I know, however, that I couldn't ever do that, neither to
myself, nor to my wife or my kids; especially the latter.
With that said, I am seeing my homosexuality as a situation from which I can gain valuable experience. I value the fact that my understanding for both
sexes is equal, or at least approaches that, and that in my life there is an expression of both the male and the female quality. I don't feel bad for
what I am, even though I have been made to feel bad for it and the effects from it have not completely erased. For that reason, I'd really like if
people weren't so judgmental of others and absolute especially when speaking without any experience. If we could show love to each other our world
would be so much better...
Thanks for reading!