A Whole New Level

Man........... I'm at a total loss right now. I just want to go on record I guess.
The other night I went to the local Chick Fil A to pick up some sandwiches for the family, Pretty easy, eh? I had a list written down, and ordered it in the drive through. It was obvious when ordering that the person on the other end was new. He asked me to repeat myself several times. No big deal. I finally get my order, and there are several cars behind me. I put the bags on the passenger seat, grab one of those excellent fries, and munch on it while I drive away.
I get home and my son (A Chick Fil A Junkie) is waiting at the front door.
"Daddy! Did you get me my sandwich?"

"Of course I did little Dude!"

"Yay!"

I go in and my wife opens the packages. She pulls out everything.

"Where's the wrap?" she yells

"I don't know."

"You're so pathetic. You can't do anything right. You can't even get a fast food order right. I need a real man."

"You're kidding me right? We're arguing over Chick Fil A?"

"I could do so much better than you."

As you know I caught her in an affair awhile back.

"Yeah you proved that. Ask Anthony to take care of you." Yes I went there.

I turned around and she WAFFLED me with the phone on the head. I mean I saw stars. I have a pretty big bruise on my forehead. She said:
'Next time I'll kill you in your sleep."

My son saw this and started crying.

Nice stuff, eh?

I'm so at a loss as to how to handle this.

Thanks for listening.

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reply to post by lombozo

lombozo, you seem like a kind and caring man who is devoted to his son. You, nor anyone else deserves to be treated as you described.

Your son does not need to be subjected to bickering and unkind remarks made to his dad.

Why stay in a bad situation? I don't normally get into others personal life but you put it out there so I'm responding.

Wishing you and your son peace and happiness.

I think you already know the answer to your unasked question.
I've been down this road, it takes two to make it work and only one to destroy it.

If you two can not deal with this together, then I think you know the next step.
Sometimes the decisions we can make seem to be the worst possible answer we could choose. Or so it seems and feels, I can only speak for my self here, but I divorced over 20 years ago, broke my heart back then. I thought I screwed my life up royally. Time went on and for the last 18 odd years I think I made the right choice, I talk and get along better with my X than I did when married, and I'm very sure I would not have such a close relationship with my son as I do now.
In the end it comes down to loving and wanting the best for your children.
In your heart you have the answer, we can only confirm or disagree, with the decision you have already made.

Take care my friend, stand strong and teach your children well.
P.S. I do hope you can both can work it out.

reply to post by lombozo


I can't even imagine having that happen. I really wish I could do something for you. Nobody deserves to go through that.

And my own personal .02 which may or may not apply to you - it's a huge mistake to stay in an abusive relationship "for the sake of the child". I know you'd walk through Hell in a gasoline suit for that kid, but it sure doesn't sound like what you're putting yourself through is doing him or you any good at this point.

God bless you, man. I hope it works out for the best.

That was pretty low of her. I have no respect for people who pick fights with their spouses in front of their kids like that. I think she has some other issues and it's not really the forgotten wrap that was her issue.

Maybe you should ask her what her real problem is and ask her if she thinks her relationship with you is worth saving. Or you could be really mean and say "You know what, I can do better as well!"

reply to post by jedimiller


I have no idea what you said here Jedi..and I probably don't want to.
Consider yourself on IGNORE.

I apologize if I said something wrong. Spouse abuse is wrong. I was just being sarcastic.

Well I actually moved out last night. One of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm not really sure how I feel to be honest with you. Kind of empty. Kind of lost. I just want to be by myself and lick my wounds. Not digging this at all.

You have a lot of people here who are more than online friends, we are you FRIEND and you can reach out to us if you need to.

Hang in there my man. Sending good thoughts and wishes your way.

Hey Lombozo, I think your kind nature and love for you son have kept you going through a bad relationship but some times you have to know when enough is enough for the well being of yourself and your son.
People on ATS/BTS have a lot of respect for you, and thats respect you've earnt my friend, your posts are always honest and from the heart, which shows you as a kind and caring father so what ever happens your son will always know his father loves him.
Try and keep your spirits high!!

reply to post by lombozo


hate to tell ya this but id have her thrown in jail for that. Yell, scream all you want at me but don't get violent. From what I understand of you Lomb. it would take a whole lot for you to get violent, and I don't think your the type to get violent with your wife.

So let the authorities show her that spousal abuse is wrong no matter which spouse did it.

I am really sorry about this whole mess your in Lomb. I have been there myself. Next piece of advice is either a marriage counselor or a lawyer. Depending on how you want to resolve this situation. If you want to fix this marriage then I suggest a marriage counselor right away. If you have had enough and want to protect your rights to your son I suggest getting a lawyer right this second. Have her arrested for the assault, get your son, and make damn sure you keep him away from her. Get an emergency custody order and an order of protection. That will keep your little boy in your custody and protect you better in the long run. You should be able to get the order of protection and the emergency child custody order due to the assault.

I really feel for you Lombozo, this is a horrible thing to go through especially with a wee one. Just make sure you protect yourself and protect him.

Please believe me Lombozo, not lawyering up right now if you choose to end this relationship will cost you. Some women get vindictive fast about these things and will want to hurt you as badly as possible. The worst thing they can do is take your child from you.



[edit on 6/10/2008 by whatukno]

Hi lombozo. I'm really sorry that you are going through this and it sounds like you've done the right thing by moving out. She seems hot-headed and unreasonable. My husband has pi**ed me off royally on many occasions, I can't even begin to tell ya, but I would never, ever let my kids see me do something like that no matter how bad I wanted to hurt him. Everyone gets angry, it's those that are so quick to act on it that frighten me.

As a mom talking here, is your son safe with her? I can tell by your "little dude" stories that you adore him and will always be there for him and will do everything in the world to protect him, that I have no doubt of.

I'm with whatukno, if there is little or no chance of reconciling then you need to get a lawyer right away. They can set up a moderation to handle the details, your son's safety is your first priority I am sure.

Hang in there!

Rush

reply to post by hsur2112


Thanks everyone. I really mean that. I have said before, and I will say again, that she is a FANTASTIC mother. His safety is absolutely the last thing I worry about when it comes to her. She's just a very selfish wife, with a Sicilian temper.
I'll be fine. Just hurtin' right now.

reply to post by lombozo


i may only be 18, but i know right from wrong, what i see when i look at a relationship like that is, from your side, you dont want to hurt your kid, BUT, from your wifes side, all she wants is a quick way to the bank(ex devorce you, take all your money, and marry some rich guy, and get more money)

reply to post by lombozo


How you want to resolve this is the issue at this moment. Do you want to continue in this relationship where it is known that your spouse will get violent and abusive? Will she be able to change?

Believe me Lombozo right now you have a difficult hard decision to make. The hardest decision you have ever had to make in your entire life. Do you stay or do you go? If you want to stay you have got to get a marriage counselor right away. If your done you best get a lawyer right this second. Cause I guarantee that she won't think twice about burying you with your head faced down.

She may even try and reconcile just so that her lawyer has a leg up and can start ripping your rights away from you. If you can't trust her not to try and hurt you, do you think you can trust her to not try and take your son away and live with some other guy that you know she has already been sleeping with?

Be clear of what you want to do Lomb. Cause I can guarantee that she is also thinking of your son too.

You are way too cool of a guy to end up like me Lombozo.

[edit on 6/10/2008 by whatukno]

I'm glad to hear that, lomobozo. I'm positive that if there was anything to worry about that you would have him right there by your side, but her quick little temper and statement she used about 'killing you in your sleep' is worrisome. Not that she would ever do that, of course, but for a child to hear that is scary for them, he's not old enough to be so discerning and he may not realize that those are just words and not something that she will act on.

Rush

reply to post by lombozo


and you put up with that?
damn wont say anymore as i might get the civil logo :shk:

Best of luck man.

We feel you here.

reply to post by lombozo


Being a good mother and abusing the other parent verbally and physically in front of the child doesn't really go together. She's an adult and should control her temper.

Give yourself credit for having the guts and self respect to leave.

So many people think this kind of behavior is normal and put up with abuse just because they don't think they deserve better. Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.