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(LSWC) The Broke-Bottle Summation

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posted on Jun, 6 2008 @ 02:42 PM
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My first entry. This is a very short short.

(LSWC) The Broke-Bottle Summation.pdf

If anyone is even reading this, then I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you kindly.


[edit on 6-6-2008 by Cadbury]




posted on Jun, 6 2008 @ 04:39 PM
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the uploading of a pdf is a unique touch, it's a good storyline, the writing physicly was crowded, as in layout on the paper. however I felt that it was a solid story and nice flow.



posted on Jun, 6 2008 @ 06:03 PM
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Originally posted by whatukno
the uploading of a pdf is a unique touch, it's a good storyline, the writing physicly was crowded, as in layout on the paper. however I felt that it was a solid story and nice flow.


Thank you for taking the time to read it and post a critique and praise. The language, layout, and glaring discrepancies in the story are intentional. It is an absurdist piece. A mockery, if you will.



posted on Jun, 6 2008 @ 06:23 PM
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I read it and will rate from 1 (poor) to 5 (brilliant):

Use of Language: 5
Imagination: 5
Plot: 3
Entertainment-Value: 2
Educational-Value: 1
Intro: 5
Humor: 4



posted on Jun, 6 2008 @ 06:37 PM
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I just finished reading your story and I enjoyed it enough to give you a star.

Good luck in the contest my friend, I'm sure you'll do well.

wupy



posted on Jun, 6 2008 @ 06:40 PM
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Originally posted by Skyfloating
I read it and will rate from 1 (poor) to 5 (brilliant):

Use of Language: 5
Imagination: 5
Plot: 3
Entertainment-Value: 2
Educational-Value: 1
Intro: 5
Humor: 4


Gosh, coming from you I'd consider that a substantial compliment, Skyfloating. Thank you.

But would you not say humour is synonymous with entertainment?



posted on Jun, 6 2008 @ 06:53 PM
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Originally posted by mrwupy
I just finished reading your story and I enjoyed it enough to give you a star.

Good luck in the contest my friend, I'm sure you'll do well.

wupy


Thank you! As I've just said in the u2u I'm reading the work you sent me and it's brilliant. Are you published?



posted on Jun, 6 2008 @ 07:00 PM
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Originally posted by Cadbury

Gosh, coming from you I'd consider that a substantial compliment, Skyfloating. Thank you.

But would you not say humour is synonymous with entertainment?


I smiled at the humor, but entertainment value (for me) would mean I actually remember the story in a month from now or have the desire to read it again. Which I dont.

That is to say: You did good, but you are hereby pushed to do better




[edit on 6-6-2008 by Skyfloating]



posted on Jun, 6 2008 @ 07:35 PM
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I smiled at the humor, but entertainment value (for me) would mean I actually remember the story in a month from now or have the desire to read it again. Which I dont.


If I remember any of this tomorrow I'll be a lucky man. The boat does indeed sail tonight.



That is to say: You did good, but you are hereby pushed to do better



Thank you. You'll see better. This was a sloppy gibberish concocted in mere hours. With the deadline still a time away I'll dream up something slightly more memorable for the second entry.



posted on Jun, 6 2008 @ 07:54 PM
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Originally posted by Cadbury

Thank you! As I've just said in the u2u I'm reading the work you sent me and it's brilliant. Are you published?


I guess that depends on how you define published. I've written many short stories that have been published all over the net. I've written several stories that have been published in magazines and quarterlies. I've even been paid for a few of them.

I don't make a living at it though.

I like to write, but not enough to turn it into a job.



posted on Jun, 7 2008 @ 05:01 AM
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reply to post by Cadbury
 


I very much like the attenuated ending.
At first reading along, I thought that it was going to be kind of broad, not that broad is bad, but I had a certain expectation of how things were proceeding.
But then with the ending, its separation/detachment from the earlier business, it makes the whole piece seem subtle and (forgive me) "artistic", it causes you either overtly or just conceptually to go back and re-evaluate the other part that you have already read.
" Them's tricks." hee hee.



posted on Jun, 7 2008 @ 09:46 AM
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Originally posted by mrwupy

I don't make a living at it though.

I like to write, but not enough to turn it into a job.


And therein lies a problem. Too few people are reading today due to the rise of television and film. Although you're a humorous and capable writer, could you really make a job of it today even if you wanted to? All the counter-cultural giants are dead and new blood is nowhere in sight. I think they all expired of poverty or terminal frustration (or both).



posted on Jun, 22 2008 @ 08:03 PM
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Originally posted by Cadbury
The language, layout, and glaring discrepancies in the story are intentional. It is an absurdist piece. A mockery, if you will.


Have you read the Third Policeman by Flann O'Brien? I think you'd appreciate his use of language among other things. Tom Robbins too.

You indeed have a strange talent. I am suitably impressed.



posted on Jun, 23 2008 @ 02:13 AM
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Originally posted by KilgoreTrout
Have you read the Third Policeman by Flann O'Brien? I think you'd appreciate his use of language among other things. Tom Robbins too.


Hi KilgoreTrout! I must admit to you that I haven't read anything by either author. The Third Policeman does indeed sound interesting, though, according to Wikipedia. Coupled with your recommendation, I'll pick it up. It sounds like something I need to read.



You indeed have a strange talent. I am suitably impressed.


Thank you! I have labelled my genre "Power-gibberish," and hope to one day have some novels printed in it -- although I would probably have to pay a publisher to print it, instead of vice versa.



posted on Jun, 23 2008 @ 02:56 AM
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Originally posted by Cadbury
Thank you! I have labelled my genre "Power-gibberish," and hope to one day have some novels printed in it -- although I would probably have to pay a publisher to print it, instead of vice versa.



From Tom Robbins, you may find 'Even Cowgirls get the Blues' (not the film, ever ever...) particularly interesting, stylistically (I personally love 'Another Roadside Attraction' though). There is another author, who I can't for the life of me pin at the moment, but I'll give it some thought, see if I can fathom it.

Fiction isn't that hard to get published at novel length or rather not as hard as is often thought, earning a living from it is another thing though. I'm envious of your ability with dialogue, I never could do it, I had to give up trying to write fiction for that very reason, too clunky. Yours, 'power gibberish' and all, flows naturally.

'Finnegan's Wake' by James Joyce, thats the book I was thinking of. Clever use of language, too clever for me, I didn't like it. But millions of others did...which is why it is relatively easy to get fiction published (the factual market is a bit harder)...the market is highly diverse.

I look forward to seeing more.



posted on Jun, 23 2008 @ 03:29 AM
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Originally posted by KilgoreTrout
From Tom Robbins, you may find 'Even Cowgirls get the Blues' (not the film, ever ever...) particularly interesting, stylistically (I personally love 'Another Roadside Attraction' though).


I'll look into these. I've got so much on my "to get" list now that I think I'll need to put up some new shelves, but I can imagine something like this happening.



Fiction isn't that hard to get published at novel length or rather not as hard as is often thought, earning a living from it is another thing though.


I doubt I'd ever be able to earn a living with it, unfortunately. But there must be "new blood" once again, and I will indeed make an attempt.



I'm envious of your ability with dialogue, I never could do it, I had to give up trying to write fiction for that very reason, too clunky. Yours, 'power gibberish' and all, flows naturally.


Thank you! It had me stumped for years. One thing that may help you which greatly helped me, was to study Philip K. Dick's dialogues. They really flow (when he was on form). When I'm writing I'll have a few of his titles open on the desk to use as a reference guide if I get stuck -- and I will get stuck. I never copy another work, but when faced with any dialogue problem I'll always see how Dick handled it and go from there.



'Finnegan's Wake' by James Joyce, thats the book I was thinking of. Clever use of language, too clever for me, I didn't like it. But millions of others did...which is why it is relatively easy to get fiction published (the factual market is a bit harder)...the market is highly diverse.


I must admit I really enjoyed Ulysses and Finnegan's wake. Joyce's skill with a typewriter was incredible and I would often laugh out loud at even the simplest of things he wrote, whether he was trying to be funny or not. The man was absurd! I consider him an influence.



I look forward to seeing more.


I'm working on a book at the moment, but I do have a five page nonsense of a short story you could have a look through if you wish. I can't post it here because it will completely shatter the T&C regulations to parts. It may be one of the most insane works I've ever created.



[edit on 23-6-2008 by Cadbury]



posted on Jun, 23 2008 @ 03:34 PM
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Originally posted by Cadbury
... I do have a five page nonsense of a short story you could have a look through if you wish.


I wish, thank you.



posted on Jun, 23 2008 @ 04:02 PM
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I just tried sending you a u2u but the u2u service is not available at the moment, it says.

Do you have word 2007? Because I wrote this on that and it's in DOCX format. I don't have Word 2007 anymore and I seem to be having difficulty converting it to anything I can open with OpenOffice (I need to make a very slight edit).



posted on Jun, 23 2008 @ 04:15 PM
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reply to post by Cadbury
 


I think they're conducting maintenance, i got a message to that effect.

Word is fine by me, can you attach a word doc to a U2U? If not let me know and I'll let you have my e-mail.



posted on Jun, 23 2008 @ 04:24 PM
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[edit on 23-6-2008 by Cadbury]



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