" And also, plus, mama, I did not mean to imply that the only reason that those people could possibly have for seeking out your company would have to
be one that involved some ulterior motive...as if no one would enjoy running around with you and doing stuff with you just for the sake of being with
you, yourself... Because obviously you are perfectly acceptable company, you know, you're sweet and polite, thoughtful, interesting, gentle, and
kind, mama, you are kind of like some type of nice, small, rounded, sensible bird, like a dove or something. And - People like birds, don't they
" Yes, they do, " she said.
" So, anything else good happen today?" I said.
" Well, when I got home, they let me out on the road, so I went to go in, through the front door," she said " and I was looking through my purse,
trying to find my keys - And I just about stepped right into the middle of a huge pile, a plate full of brownies, all wrapped up in Saran-Wrap -"
" Hmmm," I said, " what was up with that, how did that come about."
" If you're done talking then I can tell you," mama said. " You see, the neighbors, the family, on the south side, the Fireflys...They were having
a party, this afternoon, to celebrate, because their oldest son just graduated from dentistry school. And they had told me that they wanted me to stop
by. But I had to explain to them , that I would not be able to show up, this afternoon, because I was attending the symphony. So, apparently, they put
out this large plate of brownies for me, to show that there's no hard feelings, obviously, for missing the party, and that they thought of me
" Well that was nice of them," I said.
" Yes, it was, " she said.
" You know, mama, you are not supposed to eat all those brownies, " I said. " And if you step on them, you might slip and fall, and break your
back. Which could kill you."
(Now another established inane topic for stupid conversations between me and my mama has to do with, how, everybody in the world (or at least
everybody that she knows, including all famous people, plus anybody in the news) is doing better than me. This is almost purely a formal subject,
devoid of actual true content, like how people traditionally used to talk about the weather, or the prospects for the Cubs. Like say mama tells me a
story about some old school chum of mine Squidley-Diddilly, how he just now managed to finish up with dying horribly after six months of excruciating
agony from a brain tumor that caused great jets of steaming hot blood to gush out from his eyes...I am forced to say " Man - You know -
Everybody...Even he was doing better than I am...If I got that disease like that, there would be no way that I could afford to have such a long
prolonged expensive medical hightech painful treatment death, like he did. I would have had to like lay down in the gutter wrapped up in a tarp, and
then shoot myself in the head, six months ago, when the pain got too bad." Previous investigations have led us to determine that the neighbors to the
south side, the Fireflys, are also definitely doing better than me, for many reasons, a different one each time their name is mentioned, but not the
least of which is the fact that, even though they're my same age, I went to school with them, they can afford to live in a nice house on the same
street next to my mama, whereas there's no way that I could afford to live in that nice house on that street like that.)
So I says " Man...Them Fireflys... Not only are the Fireflys doing better than me. Now you tell me they got a kid just graduated in dentistry. They
got a damn kid even who is doing better than I am. I never did anything even halfway good or semi-all-right like that. "
" Well, that is true, " mama said, " I know for some reason you never like to tell me much about what you've been doing. But. I have to admit. I
never did hear of you doing anything even nearly as suitable or worthwhile as that."
" Yeah! Yeah! That's right!" I said. " So not only do they got a kid who is doing better than me, plus the Fireflys are doing better than me
themselves. But - The Fireflys, in addition to doing better than me, have also, made a kid, who is doing better than me as well. So basically I am
twice as worse, worser, than the Fireflys."
" I guess if you wanted to you could think about it like that, " she said.
" Yeah - No - So...basically I am like the lowest of the low, for sure. Maybe that's a little strong. But definitely I am not doing very well at
all. Nah. Yeah, but. At least I do have one good thing, that's going on in my life," I said.
" You know I love you mama, " I said. " You believe me when I say that, right?"
" Yes, " she said.
" That's right, mama. You know, when I get up, and then when I think about you going about your day, doing all your little activities - It just
makes me happy to think about it. And when I call you on the phone, and hear your voice, it always cheers me up. Basically, you're probably, like,
the one good thing, the best thing, that I have in the world right now, " I said.
" I don't know about all that," she said.
" I love you, mama," I said.
" I know you do. I love you, too," she said.
" Good-bye " I said.
" Good-bye " she said.