It Can't Be The Rest Of The World, It Has To Be Me, And Stuff

"Daddy!" He was on the front porch as I pulled up into the driveway.
"Dude!"
"Come here Daddy!" he said as he grabbed my hand.

It was about 6:30pm or so, so it wasn't real late, but I was tired for whatever reason.

"I want you to make me a sword and a dog. OK Daddy?"

Balloon animals. He was at a party awhile back, and was enthralled with the man who made balloon animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah........... I went out and bought a gigantic industrial sized bag of balloons and a balloon pumper. Needless to say the first several tries were a failed experiment at best. So I go to the fridge, and grab my trusty diet Pepsi. If aspertame really is a brain killer, my brain must look like a freakin' swiss cheese due to all of the diet Pepsi I drink. So I pop it open, and of course it fizzes over.

"Did you just spill that on the floor? You're home for one minute, and you already made a mess."

I'm thinkin' to myself and stuff - OJ, OJ, OJ

"C'mon Daddy, make me my dog and sword."

"In a second L'il Dude."

I grab some paper towels and wipe up the spill.

"That floor better not be sticky."

"Yes Dear."

OJ, OJ, OJ, OJ!

"Oh and the cat puked on the stairway carpet. Clean that up too."

"Daddy!" He's holding out balloons and the pumper. "Please Daddy?"

"C'mon little Dude." He runs over to his little couch and dives on it. "What color Buddy?"

"Red!"

Balloon attached to pumper - commence pumping. Those balloons get so big! So I do my thing and the sword, and the dog are done. Yep, that is one fine lookin' sword, and a darn good lookin' dog and stuff.

"I'm gonna go up and change L'il Dude."

"Can I come too Daddy."

"Absolutely Buddy."

So we run upstairs. I notice that my office door is open. I have no secrets in there, and never lock the door, but I always keep the door closed. My dog who has the nickname of 'Senor Chewie' for whatever reason likes the taste of things in my office.

"Did you remember to clean up the cat puke?"

OJ, OJ, OJ, OJ.........

"Daddy! Let's play hide and seek!"

"In a second Dude."

I look in my office, and much to my chagrin I see that Senor Chewie has visited. Several computer related cords and peripherals have the indelible marks of his superior chewing abilities.

Hmmmmmm.......... You know, I think I'm in the mood for some Chinese food right about now.

2 USB Cables, my microphone, Stapler, a Sharpie (Yes there is a nice black stain on the carpet.), several software DVD's, and a ream of paper. The damn dog ate a ream of paper. Oh I forgot to mention one of the armrests on my desk chair.

You know of all of the questions of the universe, there is one I need to have answered. How come that dog will eat all of these types of things, but if I have to give hime some medicine and I try and hide it in cheese, or peanut butter, that baastad won't eat it? Hmmmmmm............ Gotta ponder that.

So I'm shaking my head in disbeliefe and anger as I walk out of my tattered office, and I feel the squishy feeling of cat puke oozing between my toes. Just freakin' great. When I get angry I get quiet. I've never been a screamer. I'm in virtual silence right about now.

"Daddy! Can we play hide and seek now?" I'd rather be chewing on tinfoil than playing hide and seek.

"You bet buddy, but one real quick game. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Then we'll run to the store."

We play the game, then we head downstairs.

"Why did you leave my office door open?"

"I needed to use your stapler. The dog came in and laid down. He looked so comfortable, and I didn't want to disturb him."

So I have an excuse to run to the Apple Store. Yeah! I pick up a couple new cables, and a new microphone. A Blue SnowBall. Looks like a pretty cool microphone.

"Daddy, are you going to kill the dog and cat?"

"No Buddy. I love them. Just sometimes they act bad. No big deal."

"No big deal?"

"Nope."

"You're not mad anymore Daddy?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

"I forgive them."

"What's forgive?"

"It means that I'm not mad anymore, and I still like them."

"Forgive is good?"

"You bet it is little Dude."

"Then I forgive them too Daddy."

"I love ya L'il Dude."

"I love you too Daddy."

"C'mon Dude, let's go home and put this stuff back together."

"Can I help too Daddy."

"You betcha! Here get on my shoulders, and I'll take you to the car."

"Yay!"

Some assembly, a quick story, and off to slumber land he goes. I sit down, and my dog comes over and lays at my feet. Yep. Forgiveness is a very good thing.

Words fail me at times. As always a great post. Have you considered the possibilty of collecting these into a collection?

reply to post by Deson

Actually I have thought about it. I've always wanted to be a writer, but never really did anything about it. That's what I love about ATS. I can come on and type up a story anytime I want, and post away. My real life stories like this one are just that. Real life stories. Facing everyday life just like everyone does, jotting it down and sharing it with the world. Yes these real life stories are indeed real. They happened to me.
My crazy stories on the other hand- well frankly I don't know where they come from. I'll sit at my keyboard and just type away. I'll look at a picture of a grill, or hear someone mention a time machine and just start a story. I never know where it's going to go. There is no thought process, the story just unfolds. In other words I make it up as I go along.
Someday I'll probably gather these up and print them out as a book for my son. Who know's maybe I'll try and get published. Maybe I'll get 'discovered' some day. For now I just get enjoyment sharing with you all here at the best site on the planet.

Thank you for teaching your child forgiveness, patience, and accountability. Your interest in the future is obvious.

reply to post by lombozo


Lombozo,
I really think that you should consider gathering up all these various "home and stuff" posts of yours and making them availiable to those of us who are new to this site (Myself included) for future reading. It would be most interesting to read things that I've missed out on.

Actually ATS has a feature which will allow you to see alot of them. Go to any members profile page. When the page comes up hit the 'threads' button at the top. You will see up to 150 of the threads generated by that particular member.

Thanks for the heads up. I wouldn't have known that. Sometimes my lackage of knowlege at times can be rather abysimal. (chuckle) Live and learn.

reply to post by lombozo


Oh gosh..I held my giggles together right up till this point..

So I'm shaking my head in disbelief and anger as I walk out of my tattered office, and I feel the squishy feeling of cat puke oozing between my toes.

Then I just lost it..
I know you weren't laughing..but from those of us who have gotten up in the middle of the night to use the washroom, and had the very same experience..
well..

It's like my daughter always says..
Laugh at what is wrong.