Question for the Men: Should you give up your seats?

Shar, a great question you pose here.
I ride the bus to and from work daily. Rarely is it ever crowded to the point where people are standing, but our buses have a set of nine seats at the front of the bus, for those who are elderly, pregnant, Have strollers or walking aids.
The rest of us sit in the seats behind as we know these are reserved for those that need them.

As for chivalry, I feel the same as the others, only for those pregnant or elderly or disabled would I give up my seat to. Unless a woman walked in with bags of groceries and a screaming 2 year old..
I totally understand, and would give up my seat.
Thing is, I normally sit alone with my backpack on the seat beside me, and I usually have my "Don't Bug Me" face on , so most people just walk on past me.

Budski, When a man opens a door for me, Iam usually polite and most thankful.
However I find it is usually the ones who are 40+ and the younger generation will let it close in your face.
I hold open doors for others myself, man or woman. It's just polite to do so, if they are right behind you.
But hey, I'm Canadian.. we're just too darn polite..

There are few thing more gratifying to a gentleman than to pamper a lady. However, in the workaday world of gender equality there are too many women who have never met a true gentleman and too many men who haven't had the pleasure to encounter a genuine lady.

In fact, it is all too common to hear the terms lady and gentleman used as euphemisms for those who are anything but....

Roles are a very important part of social cohesion and coherence. Now that we have a society of indistinct roles and roles that are missing completely in some communities, we are reaching very rapidly a state of anomie.

This condition exists in many parts of the world and has existed in some communities in this country for decades. However, the growth of this condition is such now that children are growing up not knowing what a social role is or if they do know, which role is appropriate for them. Their social milieus don't provide easy answers and the public schools encourage an amorphous milieu where girls can dress like boys and boys can dress like girls and the homecoming king can be a girl and the queen, a boy.

Courting gave way to dating and dating has given way to hooking up and during that age range in which young adults could be refining their social graces, they are protesting every imaginable inconvenience of life and spending the rest of their free time consuming copious amounts of drugs and alcohol at weekend keggers and spring break Bacchanals.

In the sixties, a time of social upheaval and revolutionary changes in social structure, there was a commercial that asked, "Should a gentleman offer a Tiparillo to a lady?

After all these years, I still don't know the answer to that question or if it is even relevant. Men and women are no longer bound by the roles and mores that define the terms "lady" and "gentleman" and smoking tobacco is no longer seen as an indicator of refined tastes.

The genie's out of the bottle. We can really only watch and wait.


[edit on 2008/6/3 by GradyPhilpott]

Like many other posters here, I'll definitely stand for any eldery person, pregnant person or disabled person, but not just for any female that happens to have missed out on a seat.

I don't see why I should give up my seat, that I have paid full price for, simply because a person has a vagina and I have a penis.

It seems that some women are wanting the best of both worlds. Good ol' fashioned men-bending-over-backwards-to-be-gentlemanly-to-them and to be treated equally with men. I say, for sure give them their equal rights! They are no lesser human beings than men. And still be polite and show common courtesy and good manners, but do that to everyone, regardless of the sex of a person.

Women, in my opinion, have stopped being portrayed as the timid, precious, delicate, vulnerable people they once were, and are now strong, independent individuals, and have gotten their equal rights (in some cases they have gotten their equal rights and then some, in others they could do with a little more).

I think a strong, independent woman can stand on her strong, independent legs

EDIT to add: I also will hold a door open for anyone, male or female, and it almost always gets met with a thank you or 'cheers mate'. Infact it is extremely rare that someone doesn't hold a door open for me if they have just walked through it and I'm about to enter it. Of course they also get met with a thank you. (thanks for reminding me, Deson)

[edit on 3-6-2008 by Toy_soldier]

No question that I'll offer a seat to a preganant lady. I will also typically offer to open the door for women, quite often I'll hold a door open for anyone who is passing through. Men or women. Usually I'll get a thanks for that however I also have been chewed out for doing so. Yep, and the person who chewed me out was a woman. Sometimes you can't win. But I keep trying none the less.

I love holding the door open for people. I've never been scrutinized for doing so. I commonly seek out connecting with people I don't know. If one believes the media today, they'd have you think everyone is a serial killer, a thief, a whatever...

Can't hardly look a person in the eyes these days. So many other people forget that they are in a public place and they act very inconsiderate.

Absolutely yes they should. I'm a woman and will still offer my seat to another woman if she is pregnant, holding a baby, handicapped, or elderly.

After doing so, I then very sternly and obviously give all the men 'Shame on you!' glares and snicker on the inside while they break eye contact with me to look at the ground in embarrassment.

Oh... and when someone offers me their seat, I will purposely say something like, 'Well thank you so much! It's nice to know there are still gentlemen in this world.' Then proceed to glare at everybody else. Not be cause I am not able bodied but because 99% of the time I have my young son with me wherever I go and it is simply thoughtful. I do the same for others- male or female- when it is obvious they will have a harder time standing than myself.

[edit on 6/3/2008 by AshleyD]

I have enjoyed reading this thread, a real positive pick me up to start the day, thanks OP

Without a doubt I am also a caretaker, and will always gladly be of service to others in need.

It just feels right and it makes me feel good inside.

reply to post by Shar


Absolutly, For a pregnant woman, or an elderly person or someone that is disabled. It's expected. Woman in general the rule is no unless of course your attracted to the woman and want to be a gentleman.

It's actually rude to give up your seat to any woman, unless they are old pregnant or disabled.

lol Also im one of these people who opens the door and lets everyone in!

Though it irks me as i can end up standing there for 5 mins lol! Then im kinda like Okkk dont over do it people,

But i guess thats just me lacking the confidence to say Emmm hold the blimming door yourself!

reply to post by asala


Depends on the situation - holding doors is becoming more acceptable now that everyone has to go outside to smoke.

It's a whole new social environment complete with smirting - and in any social environment where people belong to a particular group, then they are naturally more inclined to be polite.

Going out on thursday night, so I'll test my theory

and maybe even do some smirting

Thanks all for your replies. I find this topic very interesting indeed. I have to say I am shocked though at some of the responses. I guess I am just use to people being polite. I think I have always had a seat because someone has given it to me. So I really never knew this happen. But, let me say that I am not a regular on buses and trains, etc… just occasionally.

I would have to say that I believe that most women in today’s world still loves to be treated like a lady. And when a women gets upset for a man holding the door open for her, well that don’t say much about her character does it?

I too will hold a door open when someone is near and is coming in right behind me. This is also done for me. I just say, “thank you” I love it when people are nice like that.

I for one say YES. I can speak only for myself, but I have always, still do, and always will give up my seat for a lady should no other seat be available. Just the way I was raised, and it is something I am trying to instill in my son as well.

The polite thing when opening a door for a lady is the two step rule. if she is beyond two or three stepps it's not impolite to not hold the door for them. Unless of course they are carying something.

It's all dependant uppon the situation. a healthy woman may actually find it creepy or may feel hurried by someone holding the door for them too long.

I wouldn't think twice offering up my seat, opening a door or just offering help to anyone who needs it. I do think that people in general are losing their basic manners and respect for each other, and that people of a courtious manner are a dying breed.



[edit on 3-6-2008 by Kurokage]

It is heartwarming to read so many positive responses here. I am a senior citizen, and have feared that the ERA has taken such a hold on our society that chivalry was already dead. But this thread has given me some hope.

I must say that in the last quarter of a century, I have had the pleasure of meeting only one true gentleman. Well maybe two, but I can't really remember him. Women love to be treated "special" and with respect from a man. I think that women have ruined it for themselves. Men have feelings too, and the modern women have not been treating others as they wish to be treated.

Back to the subject of this thread, I have and would give up my seat to anyone, man or woman, if they appear to need the break. Especially a pregnant woman. But I think that we need to remember that there is always someone worse off than we are, regardless of age, sex or physical condition. As civilized people, it isn't hard to feel who needs the seat, or whatever, more than we do. And the kind, civilized thing to do is to help out when we are presented the opportunity.

It is up to us to teach the younger people the "old fashioned" values and manners that has brought our country through the last two centuries. Without these qualities and common politeness, how can we expect to flurrish as the great nation that we are.

reply to post by Shar


welcome to the 21st century,
only times i would give up my seat if they are old (both genders) or pregnent or with a kid.

otherwise i would enjoy my bus ride listening to my MP3

I usually stand unless there are plenty of seats available. I am sure that there is always someone who needs it worse than me so I am not usually in the position to give up my seat. Although I do have 10 screws and a titanium rod in my right leg so sometimes I do take a seat, but that is usally only for a minute of two and only if others are not around.

If nobody offered a seat to a pregnant woman on the train that I was riding I would be sure to call out a few guys and ask them why this woman is still standing. I'm sure that would work.

Originally posted by kleverone


If nobody offered a seat to a pregnant woman on the train that I was riding I would be sure to call out a few guys and ask them why this woman is still standing. I'm sure that would work.

Oh wow!!! Need more men like you!

Originally posted by AccessDenied


As for chivalry, I feel the same as the others, only for those pregnant or elderly or disabled would I give up my seat to. Unless a woman walked in with bags of groceries and a screaming 2 year old..
I totally understand, and would give up my seat.


Thing is, I normally sit alone with my backpack on the seat beside me, and I usually have my "Don't Bug Me" face on , so most people just walk on past me.

ok so this is what i just read

you WONT move your bag off the seat for an honest, ordinary, fare paying commuter and instead, give them a pissed off (or as you call it "dont bug me") look so you dont have to deal with them??

but you will give up your seat for the disabled, elderly or pregnant


and you talk about chivalry with men, but wont extend a common courtesy of putting your bag on the floor for other regular, fare paying commuters to use the seat?

what is the reason for you requiring/deserving a seat all to yourself when everyone else has enough courtesy to share?

[edit on 4/6/08 by Obliv_au]

[edit on 4/6/08 by Obliv_au]