Walking away... maturity vs. insincerity

Imagine you're faced with what appears to be a hopelessly poisoned relationship in which you've hurt one another very deeply and you know beyond any doubt, you must walk away from it order to protect your own mental and emotional health from further damage. If in this situation you find that you're unable to walk away, even despite extreme determination to do so -- would this mean that you are truly in love afterall, and wholely defeated by the world's strongest force? Or would your inability to let go, realistically indicate personal weakness and a lack of the necessary maturity required to do what's best for yourself?

Same scenario, but now say you are in fact able to walk away from the relationship and leave it behind in order to protect yourself. Does this mean you are a true adult, that you're a person of greater maturity and strength who is able to rise above your feelings and emotions in order to responsibly do what's best for you? Or might it indicate instead that you're incapable of experiencing enough depth of feeling for someone that you'd be able to remain steadfast and loyal through the storms and difficult periods of a relationship...?

Well I think there's a very fine line between "love" and "obsession". There are healthy, trusting relationships.... and then there are, as you said, sick, poisoned relationships.

I think it's a sign of strength and maturity to be able to walk away from a sick relationship, even though you may truly "love" or care for the person.

In life we come to love and care for many different people, friends, family, lovers - but just because you love or care for someone, does not mean you should feel obligated to enter into or endure a sick, unhealthy relationship, out of guilt....

MrdDstbr and I dont often see eye to eye on many things but He has it right in the bullseye here ..in the X ring.

Bachelor you are not here to take second or third place in a relationship while giving or paying for first place.

Being in love with someone can often be a powerful drug. Do not let this drug habit deceive you as to actual conditions. Otherwise you will be in a career of giving first place goods and services for second and third place results. If you do this as a career you must be trained to do this template or so drug laced you can no longer tell reality from fiction.
Being in love can be a powerful drug..but dont be ignorant about the nature of love itself.

I am not against being in love...Just dont be ignorant about the drug aspect of it. IT can easily blind one to reality. This happens to so many males and females both. Dont you become prey to it too.

MrdDstbr has it right when he uses the description...love and obsession.
And it is a sign of maturithy to be able to walk away from a sick punnishing relationship. It is possible to be in love or obsessed with things or persons which are bad for us.

There are so many people out here who think that if they do not have a lover or partner that they are somehow incomplete or not in vogue..in style. This kind of thinking iteslf ..leads one to an unhealthy obsession....a drug habit if you like..and often with the drug habit results. This meaning vulnurabilitys because of immaturity. A well balanced individual is one who is sufficient with a partner or even without a partner. They will not collapse either way.

Thanks,
Orangetom

reply to post by orangetom1999


Well said, orangetom, well said....

For once, I read your entire post, and am in complete agreement with you!

Originally posted by MrdDstrbr
Well I think there's a very fine line between "love" and "obsession". There are healthy, trusting relationships.... and then there are, as you said, sick, poisoned relationships.

I think it's a sign of strength and maturity to be able to walk away from a sick relationship, even though you may truly "love" or care for the person.

In life we come to love and care for many different people, friends, family, lovers - but just because you love or care for someone, does not mean you should feel obligated to enter into or endure a sick, unhealthy relationship, out of guilt....

i so agree with you

Ladies, your opinions are welcome also.

Thanks for the responses so far.

Hmm... I think I'll post my question on a popular psychology forum I know of, and will share my comments from that. These things really are something to think about and I feel it's worthy of more reflection than what it's getting here.

Judging from the few responses here, it would seem that very little importance or acknowledgment is given to those in relationships who want to rough out the hard spots and make a success of things. But the one who can walk away is viewed to be the mature adult... This disturbs me a little.

I do certainly respect those with strength and self-respect enough to properly make responsible decisions for themselves, that's unquestionable. However, there is another side to things... Monogamy is becoming a worn out relic of yesteryear, because to walk away when things get rough -- is becoming the common mindset.

With the way societal views are changing, will marriage even still exist in another fifty years? You really have to wonder...

Bachelor,

Marriage will continue to exist. It will not go out of style. What will pass is this fast food lane...identifier. People who have fast food lane values and thinking. How do I know this? Fast food lane values only survive in good times. Hard times make for people who survive based on real values and thinking..not high speed public education thinking...ie..self promotion/disposable values thinking.

When things go towards $6.00 to $8.00 per gallon this will become clear.
Treating people as disposable and expendable will not get it. Only good times can stupid a people down this far as we have become today.

I have posted this before on another thread...about the Urban Dictionary. Someone sent me a definition of the word Hate from the urban dictionary to back thier position and rationale. The Urban Dictionary and its definitions was all about social status. Personal Status as a mark of excellence.
How do we become so affluent that we can afford status instead of real survival skills. As if social status...or not being dissed..or disrespected...was survival itself. Amazing!! This is the type of ego thinking and justification which makes others expendable and disposable..like getting rid of a olde pair of shoes.

Roughing out the hard spots is a different thing than social status. It also takes two to do this...not just one carrying the burden. This is often overlooked in many of the posts on these threads. This involves Risk on both partys..not just one.

When I read peoples posts especially the Relationship boards and hear people posting and complaining I immediately begin the drill of looking for RISK..how much and who is taking risk here. Who operates off entitlement mentality...etc etc. This can be very difficult to fathom in many of the posts. Nonetheless it takes two to tango...not just one. We are talking about real social values and thinking here..not just the appearence of value often advertised..or misadvertised. What are a persons real social beliefs..ie...religion..not just what they advertise. What will they really do when the going gets rough?? Not just what they talk about..or advertise.

The totality of a relationship is not always what it appears to be...or as posted here on these threads. We dont always get the whole picture.
No... the one who walks away is not always the mature one..it can sometimes be merely the one who is more self justifying. Yes it can be disturbing.

Dont worry ..marriage will not go out of style Bachelor. It will still be around. Not everyone out here is stamped out..like xerox copys.

Thanks,
Orangetom