First of all, are you a man or a woman? Succubi go for men, incubi for women.
At least, that's what the demonologists tell us.
I don't believe in supernatural entities. I do believe that the unonscious contents of our minds can manifest themselves in ways that appear
supernatural to the subject.
You are very deeply, perhaps fundamentally, troubled by something. Obviously, I don't know what it is -- perhaps it has to do with the Gulf War,
which you mentioned earlier -- but whatever it is, I do know this: it is a part of you
. It is an aspect of yourself: a drive, a character
trait, a deficiency, a habit. You don't know what it is any more than I do -- or rather, you do
know, only too well, and the knowledge is so
devastating to your sense of being an independent, integrated, decent, whole person that you cannot afford to acknowledge it: you must repress it,
thrust it away, refuse to look at it. Consciously, then, you do not know what it is.
But unconsciously, you do
know. Somewhere deep inside, you know how important this fearsome aspect of yourself is, and are desperately trying
to make yourself aware of it. The 'rape' you speak of is really your unconscious trying to force you consciously to face the facts.
Getting a priest to perform an exorcism over you in an attempt to 'drive out' this frightening interloper may help for a while, if you can bring
yourself to believe in its efficacy; but the relief will be temporary. Some day, sooner or later, you will have to face your 'demon' again, possibly
in a more devastating form, such as a full-blown psychotic episode.
What should you do? Well, you need to find out what it is that is troubling you.
Here are a few things that might help. Write down an account of all your encounters with this entity. Work hard to focus on the most memorable (and
especially the most frightening) details. Try to build up the most accurate picture you can. If you have any skill with a pencil, draw pictures. Then
put aside what you have written and drawn for a season or so before going back to it and trying to understand what it is trying to tell you.
Do the same for your Ouija board experiences. Again, focus on the most vivid and disturbing parts. Again, put it away and come back to it a few months
Keep a record of your dreams. Keep a notebook beside your bed; if you wait till morning to write it all down you will have forgotten everything. The
more you do this, the more - and more revealing - dreams you will have.
I am ambivalent about psychoanalysis, but a good Jungian analyst would probably be able to help you with the job of getting to the bottom of all
Finally, here is some fairly scary advice. Why not try to rearrange your encounters with this entity on friendlier terms? Don't wait for it to
assault you; invoke it and ask it what it is and what it really wants from you. Or, next time it manifests, keep your nerve and ask it the same
questions. You say it rapes you? How about cooperating instead of being raped? After all, you seem to be helpless in its power anyway, so you have
nothing to lose.
Mind you, I'm not sure if I would have the courage for that myself...
Demons do exist, but they are not external, supernatural entities -- we just conceive of them that way because we don't dare accept that whatever it
is they arise from is really a part of us. Demons, like angels and gods and aliens from outer space, are aspects of our own psyches, and only by
learning to know them and to integrate them into our selves can we attain true wholeness.
Fare well, my friend.
[edit on 30-5-2008 by Astyanax]