posted on Feb, 23 2010 @ 03:26 AM
I'm very happy to have found this thread..
I'm a 32 y/o guy from north-west europe, and have since childhood had a strong sense of intuition. Some things i just knew well before being
confirmed by conversations or events in reality.
At around 25, i started to get more and more of these impressions.
I was having political and geo-stability discussions in my mind, with what were sure to be other minds. I'll admit i put myself in an emotional
crisis, by asking the age-old question "god, why?" a bit too strongly. I got answers, in the form of emotionally tough questions, about not just my
own morality but that of my species (given the law of freedom of choice), that kept me up for 20 hrs a day for nearly a month.
The right of humanity to survive was challenged by these other minds, as they explained in detail how humanity would be a threat to the rest of the
universe instead of a help.
I doubt any group of humans would've gone so far. It really took weeks, that one.
I "won" by insisting on our ability change the ways of our kids.
I was experimenting on my computer with a plain text file in which i would have a conversation with 1 of these minds; as i can type blind and fast, it
kinda worked like a ouija board i guess, but 10x faster at least. I didn't realize i was ouija-ing until some years later. I've always been by
instinct very against playing that "game", but the keyboard-sharing was something i needed to distinct foreign thoughts from my own, at that
Anyways, some really dumb and even aggressively worded emails passed from my fingers to a certain mailinglist, the one all my friends were on
Some of them came over, and plainly told me that i needed to visit mental hospital.
I was at the time very unaware of what caused all this weirdness and moodswings in me, had only vaguely heard of telepathy.
I told doctors only of how i thought i must've become telepathic, probably with non-humans too, and they did their thing: take haldol, 5mg/day, i'm
your doctor and this'll be good for you.
During the next 8 years i was under constant triple attack; from the doctors and society who suddenly and without notification, behind my back, saw me
as dangerous. Friends started avoiding me too, or i them, because i knew i was no longer welcome.
Next angle of attack came from the "medication" that only made me weak physically, mentally and spiritually, and lastly from "voices" who preyed
I've tried nearly all those "meds", and here's what they ALL contain and do, in mixed proportions:
- muscle relaxants, probably to prevent the foolishly-aggressive from getting ideas of pounding an innocent person. these are at levels you'll feel
yourself a prisoner inside your own body. you're likely to suffer from micro-shakes often, and even your sense of physical balance will no longer
- depressants; the "doctors" say dopamine levels are too high in schizos therefore they must be suppressed. so i'm right to call 'm
a depressed person on the outside does not look like or behave the same as your typical raving schizo. "doctors" consider it a cure, although they
know the voices almost never stop.
At first i tried to "talk about it" with doctors (who will only see you 30 minutes a week), nurses, anyone in the business.
All i got was blank stares, and later i discovered they reported these conversations in a file that they tried to hide from me, in a very distorted
way, to generate suspicion of me being a violent person. I was misquoted, events had fictive elements added to them all designed to make people think
i'd hurt or even kill someone.
I asked many "doctors" why psychology is not performed in (clinical) psychiatery at all.
If they had any answer at all, it was always "they tried in the 1970s but it didnt work".
I've been locked up during a few summers, because i came for help to institutions that had false records (that are very hard to access for me) of me
being a risk of violence.
[edit on 23-2-2010 by jk197x]