Nikola Tesla and the Seuss Connection

This story needs a lil' setup...

[True Story] Many years ago in a forum far, far away, there was a thread about Nikola Tesla and a "1920's style Death Ray". Although it's humble beginnings were serious in nature, the thread soon became a runaway sensation of epic proportions, culminating in dozens of pages worth of the most hilarious speculation about Nikola Tesla and his "1920's style Death Ray" you could ever imagine. Of all the threads which have ever turned into a spoof, this one was the grandaddy of them all.

Repost of my reply to that thread:


Many here may be unaware of this fact, but Dr. Suess was a bit of a conspiracy buff back in the day....

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This thread's been up for quite awhile
And some may think it's plain senile
This Death Ray thread done 20's style
Should not be something you revile

We've had a lot of things to say
About this awesome beam array
Perhaps to some of your dismay
It made Threadspotting just today

You may have thought, this thread's a farce
This Death Ray came from someone's 'arse
It's true that good 'cites can be sparse
But it's all here for you to parse

You claim our Death Ray's not for real
You say our story's too piecemeal
You swear they're plastic, not of steel
Tonight, our claims, I'm here to seal

This story started long ago
Before the days of Art Deco
Our man he was a slight weirdo
But damn his toys were quite nouveau

He was a genius with a spark
He did such strange things with an arc
Some will say he was a lark
And yet indeed, he left his mark

He pioneered magnetic field
He helped inventors get some yield
Before some knobs one day he kneeled
A sparking coil, he revealed

So many patents, he did file
It took a toll on his lifestyle
He worked so hard he'd barely smile
Inventions, patents, quite a pile

One day men came, some men in black
As he sat down to have a snack
They said it best that he should pack
Or that his head they just may crack

Now where they took him we don't know
It may have been deep down below
They said they needed some gizmo
That could destroy without ammo

Now here the details may grow thin
But what I say is not a spin
His greatest work he did begin
It started with a piece of tin

We don't know all of what transpired
Or what components he required
But in the end, he had hardwired
That Death Ray which these men desired

It took him years to find the glow
But then his toil began to grow
He'd found the perfect voltage flow
A beam of light began to show

Just pull the trigger, right away
A beam of light would now display
The air it split without delay
And man or beast it would sautee

Now when it all was said and done
Our country had a fearful gun
A sturdy man could not outrun
This thing would make us number one

He told them it was time to pay
They said come back another day
And here this man was led astray
For they had stolen his Death Ray

They told him not a word to say
They made him promise to obey
They took him to the first highway
And left him there to his dismay

He tried his best to start anew
So many things he thought he'd do
Wardenclyffe, he did eschew
But in the end he just withdrew

Although he thought his dreams would last
His lifelong work had been surpassed
His fortune lost, that he'd amassed
Amongst his peers he'd been outcast

Now we come to '43
Quite a bit more elderly
His heart, it gave a final plea
Nikola Tesla, ceased to be

It's quite a story, that I've told
But don't discount it 'cause it's old
There's more to this still to unfold
Don't take my word, its been foretold

We Death Ray fan's have been at work
Nikola's dream we did not shirk
Our Death Ray guns are just a perk
At that I'll ask you not to smirk

Now here is what I must extoll
We're oh so close to hit our goal
With X-ray tubes we're on a roll
We'll soon unveil our first wormhole

It's then that we'll have all we need
To tap the quantum at high speed
For all that oil we'll have no need
On that we all can be agreed

We're near to tapping Zero Point
And he who does it we'll anoint
A hero him we will appoint
Though now this story's reached endpoint....

....and I shall smoke another [censored]

SAM I AM!

[edit on 23-5-2008 by SystemiK]