Why are Some Men so....Just come in and read this :=(

This may shed some light.

Originally posted by eye open doors
This may shed some light.

That certainly does help put it in perspective, for me anyway, cheers for the linky eye
I have had a few revelations lately so I am not as hellbent on "fixing" this as I was before. It's not something for me to fix per se and I realize this now.

I don't understand men that don't like to do it. For the wife and I, it was five times this week. The weekends are usually where most of the activity is (four times over the long weekend) and then yesterday the wife made a point of showing me how she was wearing a thong under the pants she was wearing to work. Well.....that's all it took for the fifth time of the week to take place.

I love my wife....she's yummy!!

Originally posted by NephraTari
I think this is what sucks most about the whole sexual prime business.
Men go through theirs early on when we are just along for the ride and by the time we hit ours.. they have puttered out and do nothing for us.

Ummm, not all men. No trying to brag here, but I'm going to be 38 soon and my "drive" is 10X what it was when I was 18 -19 years old.

I think that part of it for me is that I find my wife so attractive, I have to have her all the time and I'm always thinking and fantasizing about her.

Also, it's true that things get better with age.... umm "time" wise that is.



[edit on 30-5-2008 by elevatedone]

reply to post by ImJaded


You are welcome

Terms and Conditions of Membership for the AboveTopSecret.com Message Board(s)

1b.) Profanity: You will not use profanity in our forums, and will neither post with language or content that is obscene, sexually oriented, or sexually suggestive nor link to sites that contain such content.

btw thread moving over to Relationships... Please try to continue the conversation without overt sexual discussions. Bedroom details are just that, bedroom details, keep them confined there and remember we have members of all ages on ATS and BTS.

Here is a possibility you may want to look into. Many medicines have side effects of impotence and low to no sex drive. If you hubby is on any medications for any reason, you may want to cross reference them for similar side effects. A simple google search of something like ""Drug name here" side effects impotence low lobedo". Will return tons of results.

Often times men are also too proud to admit impotence. Much less go see a doctor for Viagra. It is a very delicate subject that you should approach with much caution.

reply to post by dgtempe


Rape him! It might turn him on!

Well unless he is the REALLY serious type, and calls the police on you hahaha.


[edit on 2-6-2008 by _Phoenix_]

hmm have you looked into what work has got to do with affecting his drive? Depression can do serious damage mentally and your physical wellbeing. I think you two need to spend more time together as a couple without the sex, but communicate at that level where you can gradually get his emotions out of the tight ball. Don't go on a trip, do something more of a short term, go rock climbing, go on a picnic, go to the beach. Something not sexually but something you both can do as a couple. You need to build that interaction again before you can start moving your hand around a bit..lol

I agreed with Grady and with a lot of what people have said here.

I confess, I am one of those guys that lost interest in sex for a while...a long while...okay it was 4 years.

I had several things working against me:

1) low testosterone levels
2) my wife had stopped doing the things that excited me (I hadn't communicated this to her.)
3) and this might sound weird, but we moved into a house that just felt asexual. I mean, the bedroom reminded me of my Grandmother's room and I just couldn't be sexual in that room. The whole feel of the place was just not conducive to sex.

Anyway, I got some HRT, I finally actually talked to my wife and told her what excited me, and we moved. Problem solved.

My point is that it could be any one of the things that folks mentioned, or it could be a combination of issues. It could be something really far out that no here has considered yet (transexualism, emotional illness other than depression, illicit drug usage, who knows?)
It might be so complex that only a professional could really sort it out. I strongly support you talking to a medical doctor or a therapist.

In the meanwhile, just know that you are unlikely to be the problem. I don't believe that long term loss of sex drive is normal - so he is the one with an issue.

Well he has been through alot emotionally, frustrated at work. It really isnt a wonder the sex has died out. The worst thing you could do at this point is is make harsh comments about it, this will not help the situation it will only make it worse because it acts as yet another blow to an already damaged ego. i really cant say this enough but women need to understand that the little things matter to us just they tend to be a different set of little things, when he is out mowing the lawn somewhere between the front and the back bring the man out something to drink(also applied to any kind of yard work). when he does something handy about the house praise it even if it didnt come out quite right, to you it may sound trivial but to us it is pretty much the same thing as getting flowers for no reason it tells us we are appreciated.

do try to keep in mind that once probably wont get him going but it will start the process. Also at his age it could be a health issue but it really does sound as if it is a good deal emotional. I know when the end came for my ex wife and i, i just didnt want to because the situation we were in made me feel about worthless so i figured why bother? it had nothing to do with loving her or anything but a combination of alot of different things just pretty much stripping my desire to nothing. just my two cents good luck.

How about wearing a dominitrix outfit and suprise him when he gets home,handcuff him to the bed and crack a whip saying"things are gonna change here!" lolhard to figure I guess I'm an old man and no loss of sex drive like I always say sex is a misdeamenor more I miss meaner I get

He is in a rut. The longer he's in it the harder it will be to get him out.
Change up the routine. Get him out of the house and get him some exercise. Anything is better than the same song and dance. You've got to get him broken out of the routine before he will be interested in a new one. Depression will do that.

Originally posted by GradyPhilpott
Your husband has every reason to be depressed.

That much loss over a relatively short period takes a toll on anyone.

A loss of interest in sex is a good sign of depression, as is a loss of interest in other formerly enjoyable activities.

The fact that he's always home with his beer is a good sign that he's lost interest in doing much else than drinking and of course drinking really exacerbates the problem, rather than "dulling the pain," which I'm sure would be his rationalization for his drinking, if you were to catch him in candid moment.

What you do about this situation depends on how you feel about your husband. Often getting a man seek treatment is difficult, but we are living in a more enlightened age, so if you approach him about his change in behavior when he's sober and otherwise rational, he just might admit that he has a problem.

Men are also somewhat resistive to the idea that marriage counseling, especially when their judgement is impaired by depression, drugs, alcohol and the like.

Usually, the best way to seek help is to accompany your husband to his primary care physician where you can both discuss his history of emotional trauma, loss, lack of interest in formerly enjoyable activities, alcohol dependence, etc.

A good physician should quickly recognize this syndrome and either prescribe an anti-depressant or give your husband a referral to a specialist.

I doubt that Viagra would work, based on the information you've provided. Viagra requires an interest in sex and stimulation to work properly. Viagra does not affect the desire for sex. It works for the guy who's interested, but just can't perform because of physical problems.

Admittedly, that's a lot of work with no guarantee of success, so some your initial alternative plans of action might be better for you. However, those options are likely compound your husbands grief and could destroy him completely.

The choice is yours insofar as offering to lend a helping hand, but he'll be the one who has to the the real work.

^^^ Read this post again. ^^^

The man DID suffer quite a lot of lose in a short time and it could have affected him deeper than anyone knows. This means the problem is NOT sexual but rather depression and grief. So hounding him for sex isn't going to help him and it will make him resentful of you.

I guess we're in a society now that doesn't expect men to have any substantial emotional problems. And we're supposed to be 24/7/365 sex machines. Sorry, no such animals.

[edit on 21-12-2008 by spaznational]

reply to post by dgtempe


He is depressed. Men can't perform, or don't want to when they are depressed. Not any more then a woman does. Not only are they really blue, just like everyone else they are not happy with themselves.

he doesn't need viagra, he needs a counselor.

I'm coming at this from the other side...I'm the guy, and my wife usually isn't in the mood. She's got a host of health issues, and rarely is feeling that way...

Anyhoo...my advice is this...

Get some new, sexy underwear/borderline lingerie, get your hair done different, use some different makeup, etc... over the period of a few days. Use perfume...and don't demand or even bring up sex. Just go out of your way to get close to him, brush up against him, etc. (but while wearing said clothing)..but don't make it seem like you're doing it.

A bit of teasing can sometimes go a long way for us guys...especially if we can't figure out if it's deliberate or not...

Just a thought anyhow....