posted on May, 14 2008 @ 10:57 AM
So I wake up Monday morning, and have a weekends worth of whiskers on my face. I normally don't shave on the weekends unless I have something to do
or somewhere to go. I hadn't shaved since Friday morning, I looked like a cross between Frankenstein & Grizzly Adams. Not a pretty site.
I go to get my trusty razor. I use disposable razors, and break out a brand new one on Monday mornings. Nothing like a fresh razor to start the week
off. By Friday, the razor is basically plucking the whiskers rather than shaving them.
I open the medicine cabinet, and I see last weeks razor.
'HEY! where the heck is my last new one?'
I look, and I look........... Then I see it. Satan (I mean my lovely wife) took it and used it to shave her legs and stuff. Yep, when it gets to the
point that it looks like she has Jimi Hendrix in a leg lock she'll trim herself up.
Oh Man! No way that razor is going to be any good.
So I pull out last weeks razor, and start to shave. My neck, my cheeks. Nice little rivulets of blood are dotting my face. If I took a picture, you'd
think I had measles. So I think to myself, Man, my chin is going to get ripped apart. Hey! let's try one of those goatee things!
So, Leonardo Davinci had nothing on me as I set to sculpt my goatee. I get the outside done, so I have the basic outline. Now for my lower lip. You
know. You have the ring the surrounds your mouth, but you need to have basically a soul patch on the middle of your lower lip down to your chin hair.
So I'm sittin' there sculpting out a clean shaven area on both sides of this soul patch, and I cut my lip. DAMMIT! Man, that's bleedin' pretty
good and stuff.
"Mommy! Daddies bleeding in the sink!"
"You better not be bleeding on my towels!"
Gee, thanks for the concern........
By now, I'm starting to wonder if I'm a hemophiliac. Blood is dripping down my chin, intertwining with my newly formed beard, and is dripping in the
"You make sure you clean my sink out!"
Yep, good times.
So I finally get the bleeding to stop, and wash up. Hmmmmm......... not bad. Kind of adds a little malice to my persona.
I put on my suit and go downstairs.
"What is that on your face? You look stupid."
"Yep, love you too dear....... Come here Little Dude, give me my kiss."
He comes runnin' over and jumps in my arms to get his super squeezy hug.
"Don't you kiss him with that thing on your face. You'll scratch his face."
"Have a nice day dear. Bye Dude."
"Bye Daddy, I love you."
"Love ya right back Pal!"
"I need to take some money out of the ATM. I need a new outfit."
Hmmmmmmmmmm................ as I'm walking towards my car I hear.
"Mommy, why are you always so grouchy?"
She couldn't see that I was laughing at that one.
So I sit here with a smile on my face as I stroke my goatee.