posted on May, 12 2008 @ 01:30 AM
Ok, I tried posting this initially a couple days ago, but my ego was telling me to remove it before too many people saw it. Through some coercion I am
posting this again as it should be noted that the whole premise of the article is to be yourself and do what makes you happy.
So... I don't like being all touchy feely on these boards but here goes.
This is not a subject I've shared with anyone. Its a hard one to deal with because I haven't wanted to and because I've always been ashamed of it
in a weird way.
Firstly, this is not supposed to ellicit in any way a pity party or to focus any subject on me, I only wanted to show people in my position another
way of looking at it all, without being too forceful with it. I think many negative ideas about oneself comes from societal norms rather from what is
right for them. As far as conspiracy, I believe it is somewhat of a problem that these simple truths are not expressed enough.
I have a severe issue with depression and anxiety. I have been ashamed of it because it is my job to be a vocal, boisterous person. I am a lead singer
in a rock band. I am (being polite) a complete animal when performing. I spend a large portion of the show actually in the audience. It doesn't make
sense to me that this is the only real place I let loose. Until I realized, it is my only outlet I've allowed myself. Well that, and this site, which
I've slowly let people into my real life. They are two passions that are the break between real life and fantasy, except they aren't really either.
I think through both I might have begun to cure myself. I still fight panic attacks but that might be it for me.. But on to the real situation (this
gets much more positive).
I have the same problems many people with anxiety do. The most prevalent is panic attacks and a high blood pressure at 23 years old (its only high at
very specific parts of the day- ie. regular day job times). I also struggle with an alcohol problem, which is (slowly) fixing itself through positive
Want to know my positive outlets?
They aren't religion (although you could argue that they are)
They aren't politics (altough you could argue that they are)
They aren't conspiracy (although you could argue that they are)
My outlet is simply knowing I am an individual who wants a specific thing. Is it something in our DNA? No, I don't believe so. I have an inate sense
to want to make people feel my performance, I am an entertainer. Music, writing, comedy, paintings, etc, are all things that speak to something other
than organic. This must prove there is something about us that is beyond us. I believe this shows we have a soul.
But not only do we have a soul.. We have an incredible memory tool in our brain. We have something that can recall random information in order to make
us happy. Here are some things that I recall that make me happy based on the fact that there is nothing I can do to change them..
1. The earth rotates at just over 1000 MPH and rounds the sun at something like 67,000 MPH. There is nothing we can do about this, but it is very
exciting to hear for the first time, no? We are moving that fast and yet our everknowing earth keeps us here, still and steady. What a great place to
2. We share more emotional connections (positively) with a more diverse number of other animals than any other organism on earth. There is no
scientific proof to back this up, but there is no other animal who has made a willful domestic pet as we have. My cat, my dog, both share something
different than what I share with a "good buddy." Surely, this animal must have a soul to be so beautiful to another species.
3. Think about the universe. I may be wrong, but the closest celestial being found is something like 40LY away from our solar system. I don't want
you to think about it like you are alone. I want you to think about it like you are the only reason that this place was so randomly created. What an
amazing circumstance. When you see that small, black dwarf, you are seeing it in 1978, before my inconsequential self was ever even thought about.
4. Not only that, but you are seeing stars that are 100's if not 1000's, if not 1,000,000,000's of LY away. They pepper the skies. Isn't it
beautiful to know that life might have gone an passed by the time you saw these? No its not sad, they all lead to what you are to become. They, so
many years ago, changed SOMETHING in this universe for you, from so far away. That's you now!
5. This may sound sad but its not. We are overrunning our planet. We are THAT prevalent at this point. We've created great things for ourselves, but
its Darwinian, we are mentally strong, we must survive. Sure, we are mentally strong enough now (hopefully) to stop that much more destruction, but
maybe it is our destiny to move around galactically. Think about your great great great grandkids. Where will they be? I am excited for the challenges
they will face, as I know as a young person, I have many more to get over.
So think about all the things you worry about today. I was originally going to write a thread about how the dream is dead a couple weeks ago, but I
know that now is the time to let it come out with a fury! The renaissance was a time that came of horrible depression. So now is the time to do what
you love and question it not. Find a way to get by doing nothing but what you want to do. Be entreprenuers.
It matters not what path you were groomed to take in life. Maybe that nice diploma you have on your wall was just a filter to get all those nasty
ideas about your artistry out of your head. My parents did not want me to be a musician, and I don't blame them. Its not safe statistically, but
unfortunately my life is not long enough to regret.
I was lucky, I could have been stuck in a bad place for a VERY long time, but 2 weeks ago I heard a little bird whisper in my ear, drove 3,500 miles
and I will never look back. Make it happen for yourself. I was never someone who believed this, but after I was given the chance we have, I know that
everything happens for a reason.
Not a topic I'd usually report on, but this is the first time I've seen clearly in awhile.
Thank you personally, ATS. You've given me a big contradiction in my head I needed. It finally made me think about where I was in the world and how
pointless it was unless I made it happen myself. I am still ignorant, and I hope to deny it more and more daily. I am not out of the woods yet.
[edit on 5/12/08 by SantaClaus]