UFO CASE FILE: 156468-745564-P: “Lost Time”
October 2007 – Texas
5:25 PM: Upon returning home from work one Friday afternoon, I found myself confronted with a craving for a pizza. I placed an order with a nearby
Pizza Hut for one large, deep dish Canadian bacon with black olives and red onions. I was quoted the usual 30-45 minute delivery time. Content with
that ETA, I sat back and prepared myself for deliciousness.
6:45 PM: With an empty stomach and a craving for pizza still in my palette, I call up Pizza Hut and inquire as to the status of my delivery. I am
placed on hold. I notice that it is shaping up to be a clear evening, with very little wind, and high visibility.
6:55 PM: I tire of being on hold, hang up, and call again. I ask to speak to the manager. I am placed on hold again.
7:05 PM: I get someone who is not the manager. They tell me the manager will call me back in a few minutes.
7:15 PM: Frustrated, I redial Pizza Hut and ask for the manager. Finally, the manager picks up and I am told that the pizza could not be delivered
because no one was at the address on file. I explain to him that both my girlfriend and I have been home all evening waiting for my order, and that
no-one knocked on my door in that time, and that no one called my home number to verify my order. The manager tells me he will send a driver out
immediately to deliver my pizza. Disgruntled, I tell him I’m not paying full price and we settle for half price on the order (though I still feel
that was a rip-off).
7:45 PM: (approximately 30 min. – the standard time to cook and deliver a pizza order) My pizza arrives. The delivery guy tries to charge me full
price. I give him half price and no tip. I sit down and take a bite of my pizza, and almost crack a tooth on an olive seed from the canned, supposedly
pitted olives on it. Somewhere inside...I cry.
POPULAR THEORIES:
1: The first pizza delivery guy was abducted by aliens. He was never heard from again, and my original pizza was enjoyed by advanced beings from
another world...who are dicks.
2: My girlfriend and I were abducted by aliens and suffered “lost time” due to traveling at the speed of light. Therefore, we were not at home to
hear the pizza guy knock. We were most likely “forced” to engage in wild and satisfying sexual activities which we, unfortunately, do not
remember, for the sake of the aliens’ research and/or entertainment.
3: Both I, my girlfriend, and the pizza delivery guy were abducted by aliens and suffered “lost time” due to traveling at the speed of light. We
were most likely forced to engage in wild and rotisserie-like sexual activities which we, fortunately, do not remember, for the sake of the aliens’
research and/or entertainment. The pizza delivery guy stayed with the aliens because he was cool with them, and my original pizza was enjoyed by
advanced beings from another world...who are dicks.
MORE CONVENTIONAL EXPLANATIONS:
1: Swamp gas temporarily ignited a weather balloon.
2: My girlfriend & I’s ears popped at the very moment the pizza guy knocked, rendering us temporarily deaf and unable to hear him. Defeated and
depressed, the pizza guy ate my pizza, and didn’t care.
3: The bastards at Pizza Hut never made my order, and realizing their mistake, tried to hurry up and make the pizza while I was on hold, and blame
their screw-up on me not being home somehow.
4: Instead of delivering my pizza, the pizza guy spent the time picking up some more shrooms from his dealer, then went back to work claiming I
wasn’t home. The manager then allowed everyone working to eat my pizza (as that is what often happens with unclaimed orders at pizza places). When I
finally called looking for my order, the manager tried to stall for time by avoiding me and putting me on hold. He then tried to rush my order to make
it look like they had not eaten my pizza, but once I refused to pay full price took his sweet time and made sure there was an olive pit in there for
flavor.
