posted on Feb, 27 2004 @ 01:49 PM
I Lost my Mother on January 1st of this year.
IT was unexpected and she was only 53 yrs old.
Late 2003 she had what we were told was a stroke and a seizure, recovered from both of them and returned home. On Dec 27th, I got a call that my
Father and Brothers had her back at the hospital and she was not doing good at all.
I live 5 hours away from them all. I got the call to get there so I took off. When I arrived at the hospital, I was directed to the Intensive care
waiting area, I found my Brothers and My Dad, 2 Aunts and 3 cousins were also there, so I knew it was pretty bad.
I was told that Mom was just coming out of surgery, after having gone into cardiac arrest 2 times.
Mom had an ulcer that we didn't know about. She never complained of stomach pain. Over the past year, she did complain of a lot of back pain, no one
thought too much of it.
The ulcer finally burst and caused a hole in her stomach. All of the stomach acid was released into her body and dig significant damage to her liver
At first the doctor said the "hole" in her stomach was fixed and she could recover. The next day we were told that her kidneys would not function
and dialysis was needed. After two days of that , they still would not function. The Doctor finally called my Dad and Brothers together to tell us
that she would only live a few more days.
That was the hardest moment of my life. I didn't know what to do, what to say or think. I just didn't want to exist.
We had almost all of our family there with Mom. THe nurses were very understanding and never made us comply with the visiting hour rules, someone was
by Moms side at all times.
To go back for a moment, when I arrived at the hospital, she came out of surgery and we were allowed to go back to see her. Mom was on a ventilator
but was awake. I got to hold her hand and asked her if she knew who I was. She couldn't talk, but nodded her head yes that she knew who I was. I
told her not to worry about things, just take care of herself that we'll all be there and no one is leaving. Mom struggled to talk and I told her
that I know, she is trying to say that she loves me too, she nodded her head again.
Later that night, it was determined that she has to be in pain and that she needed to be sedated for comfort. My family agreed.
Over the next 2 days, I would go in to see her and she would open her eyes and look at us. Every once in a while she would squeez our hands, which
made it hard to beleive that she would not get any better.
I asked for a minute with my brothers ( 2 of them, I am the oldes) and my dad. I told them, that while I'm not giving up on Mom, maybe she needs to,
maybe she needs to go now. I told them that I wanted to go talk to Mom and tell her that it's okay if she is tired of fighting.
So I was with Mom by myself, and it was the hardest thing to do, I said "Mom" and she opened her eyes, and her head moved a little bit. I said I
love you very much, you are such a good mother and wife. You have done such a wonderful job raising me and my brothers. We all love you very much.
Mom, you're really sick, it's a hard fight, if you need to rest now, if you don't want to fight it anymore, that's okay. you go rest now. I kissed
her forehead and told her again that I loved her.
My Dad and my "middle" brother went in after that, I never asked what they said to Mom. My youngest brother was the hardest. He's 29, didn't
want to go talk to Mom, I finally was able to help him and he went in and talked to her.
We had a preacher from my brothers church stop by, we all prayed with Mom. When asking Mom if she knew how important it was that she was "right with
God" she opened her eyes and squeezed hands. That was beautiful.
To go back again, when she was first taken to the hospital, my brother ( Scott, the middle one ) got to the hospital first, behind my Dad, he is
religous and got to Mom after the first cardiac arrest, he was able to pray with her and asked her to say the saviours prayer with him and she did.
While this is embarrasing, I feel that I should share it, I think that Mom would have been able to fight harder if it wasn't for her life style. Mom
was a smoker and drinker, she had been all of her life. Technically an acholholic. That's okay though, her kids were always first, we always had
meals, clothes and she was always there if we needed her.
Mom was very kind and a true friend to a lot of people.She loved kids, it didn't matter who's kids they were, she was also "mom" to them. My two
best freinds always refered to her as "mom" and she liked that. No one would ever hurt her kids or any other kids while she was around. I could
tell you so many stories.
I too had to go shopping for the funeral arrangements. Mom's favorite color was purple and we found a purple casket, she would have loved it. We also
allowed family members to put things in the casket with Mom. The most beloved one was a picture that was taken of Me my brothers, wifes and grandkids
just a few years back.
This has been a hard two months, I miss MOm dearly, I have a picture of her that I look at every day and I always tell her goodnight everynight.
The second day that I was there at the hospital with Mom, I prayed very hard for her. I know there is a God and he is ALive. I had such a comfort
come over me after praying and realizing that Mom was going to a better place and that she would look in on me from time to time and that someday,
I'll be with her again.
[Edited on 27-2-2004 by elevatedone]