Originally posted by orangetom1999
reply to post by darkelf
Women have to weigh the risk of having someone else raise their child to the financial risk when deciding to work or stay home.
Wait a minute here. Men don't weigh the risk of having someone else raise their child or children. This system we are under ..this choice is often defaulted away from a man..he has no choice in this.
As to financial risk when deciding to work or stay home...do males traditioinally get this "choice??" "deciding??"
Notice who is often presented with the choices/options here. When the choices or options are removed ...and RISKS take place..there is a sense of outrage.. unfairness.,...more options are not available..but men have found themselves in this position by default...from the starting line. It is only offensive when applied to women without a safety net. The angst is only female angst...or womens angst. Male angst doest count or can be defaulted so as not to be noticed or paid any attention to. Male angst is hardly heard ..hardly worth mentioning. We know this clearly because there are hardly any male "victimization" programs abounding.
The decision of whether or not a woman goes to work should be a joint decision. I don’t know what a man thinks as I am not a man. However, I can tell you that often men want their SO to get a job so they can afford the toys that men like. I came by this observation from my own experiences around men. In a situation where both must work to survive, the choice is often easier for the female but not less emotional. I know many women who would rather be home raising and home schooling their children than working. They have to work to help make ends meet.
Although non-traditional, I do know families where the woman works and the man stays home to raise the children. Once again, this was a joint decision. Society says that the male should be the sole or better provider, not the individual.
The risks are taken by both. The traditional roles are extremely difficult to overcome. Men still have choices. These choices should be discussed between the couple before they get married or move in together. A man who feels outrage over the societal position he has been placed in is not communicating adequately with his partner or has a very selfish one. Any male who will not stand up for his rights soon learns that he has none.
It’s not a matter of female vs. male angst. It’s a matter of both standing up for their rights and working together.
They take a risk by staying home to raise their own children. They take a risk when working to put their husbands through school. They take a risk by putting off childbirth to pursue a career. They even take a risk by getting married.
Notice here DarkElf...most of these risks are for and about herself!!?? Notice this...they are not about the male...in thier lives.
How are they not about the male? If the male was not in their life, they wouldn’t be making these decisions. The decision to augment the male’s earning power is about the male.
Most of the time a woman working to put a man through school is so that he can have higher earning potential..the payoff comes later. Is this the same as a man putting a woman thorugh school? The outrage as mentioned ..in many posts is that the man earns more and then leaves the woman..more insecurity...about her.
This is the risk vs. trust that I mentioned earlier. The possibility wouldn’t have been raised if it never happened. My sister put her husband through dental school. I attended their 25th anniversary party a few years ago. He’s now retired from his dental practice, they have two adult sons and are raising 3 elementary school-aged children. It doesn’t always work out this well for some.
Notice in this same vein..how many men are working to expendability and disposability to put not only their women in college or school but also thier children. Often with long hours of overtime worked..against failing health...physical well being...over and over and over.
Why would a man work to put his wife through college? Oh wait, would it be so that she “can have higher earning potential..the payoff comes later.” We should all strive for delayed gratification to appreciate it. What man wants to come home after eight or more hours of work to spend his few hours before a well-earned rest taking care of the house work and the children? Yes, many do, but many don’t.
I may be wrong here but most of the RISKS I know are men working to put thier children through college and long hours and overtime doing so..years and years and years..loan after loan after loan. Probably alot of this is because of the blue collar area whence I work. I do not see many as women doing this. I know of one who has done so...a single woman. I am sure that single women do this for their children and in this they would be very much like the male.
I see many women going back to work after their children are in school. These are usually wives of blue collar working men. These women are waitresses, secretaries, nurses, and a number of other lower paying career fields. Who is the risk for if not for the man? The job I gave up was $26.00 an hour as opposed to the average $8.00 to $10.00 an hour that I could have made as a office worker.
The point again here is for whom, what , and how the RISKS are taken. The circumstances.
Is it about the family per se..or are the postings mostly about her..her risks. IF she takes risks for the family..she is just like any male in this...this would be equality.
But when I see or detect that it is about "her" and her marketability..I get very let down.
If you mean marketability in terms of her being able to get another spouse, I agree. If you mean her marketability in the work force, I disagree. Here again we have risk vs. trust.
What would a woman think of a man who worries about his marketability in taking RISKS...when she expects more from him??? Do you think that a man should not be aware that many women have this in mind...or should a man stay ignorant of this so as to be defaulted through...often with more RISK, disposability and expendability?? Where, when, and how often does this play through.....for frivilous reasons??? Not real value today.???
I would never be in a relationship with a man whom I could not trust. I am nearly 55 years old, over weight, wrinkled, and in questionable health. If I was worried about my marketability to the opposite sex, I would work out, get a face lift and be less a part of my marriage. I don’t need a man to survive. I chose a particular man to share my life with. If he were to leave me or die, I would not be in any hurry to get another.
When we decided that my husband would go to school to his A & P license, I took the responsibility and RISK to earn the living while he attended school. For six months, I worked for a man picking up garbage on a rural route. Jobs in that area were scarce. Had it not been for my VA disability, we wouldn’t have made it. At his encouragement, we both took part-time jobs and I used my VA benefits to attend school and eventually got my A & P license.
Should light be put on this concept so that men are awakened ..or should we worry about "Her" and her RISKS..marketability.
Here again, how are her risks less than his? It seems you are targeting the vain selfish fluff that thinks only of herself. The sad thing is that there are just as many vain selfish men out there. I have no time for either.
I agree ..in your individual case...you both weighed the risks together. No problems with this. This is what marriage partners should do...weigh the risks.
I say also that the caliber of women and men both out here is not as well tempered as is yours and your husbands. Especially in a consumer oriented social structure. To me ..my way of thinking ..many men out here have defaulted thier manhood to consumption levels..not real value.
When the guys at work found that I had bought my husband a 50” plasma TV with surround sound, they jokingly asked if I could be their wife for a while. This male drive for consumerism is one of the reasons I see men wanting their wives to work. I’ve seen a man scream at his three year old for getting fingerprints on his precious electronics. Apparently he doesn’t realize that it is difficult to have nice things when you have small children. What is more important, the toy or the child?
And this is a man's fault for imperception about many things...including manhood.
Man’s perception of his role in life is based on his own life experience. It is the same with women. The key is honest communication between men and women. While I was still under going chemotherapy for breast cancer, my ex began pushing me to go back to work. He wanted some toy, and being the person I was back then, I complied. I finished chemo, and radiation while working in an office position. He felt that since I was able to work, I should also take back the household chores that he had taken on while I was undergoing cancer treatment. Needless to say, he is the ex. Funny thing though, all our friends took his side when I left since he had been sooooooooo good to me by staying by my side when I had cancer.
