reply to post by DimensionalDetective
I can identify with your post, in very much the same way as others. For so long i lived always trying to become someone, to live up to the
expectations of my parents, my friends, my loved ones. I always wanted to have "The best" of everything, i was a greedy spoiled little brat who got
whatever he wanted. My parents were by no means rich, but if i begged long enough and hard enough i got it. . . but for what? For them to hold it
over my head, and keep me in this 'zone of guilt', having me 'controlled' by the fear of being cut off, so to speak. For so many years i laid
dormant under this veil of lies, my mom always telling me "Go to school get a good job" to which i did. I have 3 degrees, however they are not
worth much. After i would get out of school, and feel blessed to be given a great opportunity i would look for a job, only to find i was underpaid
compared to what i was told i would be paid. I would then jump back on the band wagon, whatever was the next going trend. . .it went like this for
me, Computers, Nursing, Welding. with each i was told there was a great and upcoming future for those jobs, only to be let down after i go out of
school, by a over saturated job market. . . and now almost 25 years old. I'm educated, without the needed "Experience" for these jobs, because no
one will give me the time of day to show i have what it takes. . .
For many years i blamed myself for not being "Good enough" to make in in the real world. Then one i put my logical knowledge i was given in my
education to use for the betterment of my understanding of the world around me. To my surprise what i found made me break down in tears many of
times, And yes i am a male, and yes i can admit i do cry, Its an emotion that should not be suppressed in my eyes. I realized 90% of what i thought i
wanted in life was actually only what other people told me i wanted. and not what i wanted for myself. I had these ideals that were such horrible
things to believe in. I went around for years, with a fake smile on my face only to impress the ones around me, hiding in my shame and ignorance of
the world around me. Al this 'stuff' i wanted, cars, toys, motorcycles, big house, the best looking perfect super model of a wife, the best
technology out there, to be rich, to be famous, to have control over others with wealth. . . I figured if i had those things, i would BE SOMEBODY. .
.Oh boy, the lies i told myself back then, the things i believed to be true.
I woke up one day and it all clicked. I realized how selfish i had become and how many people i had to step on and push down in order to archive what
I wanted out of life. How many people i had to make suffer in order for this to become a reality. . .To get on top you have to be so cut-throat, so
horrible to your fellow member of the human race. This was noot what i wanted to become, it was not the person i always knew i had locked up inside of
me, but i threw away the key.
I only hope that others one day will wake up and see the world around them and realize how much effort has be put into keeping us dumb. and how
precious a human life, and the experience that human brings to the table for the species, and how swiftly we let that life be taken. for what? a war?
a religion? control? money? wealth? for fun? to say we can? to prove were the best? for protection? out of fear? That one day others too will have it
'click' for them. And realize we have created a monster. the longer we wait, the more it will feed on us, till eventually there are none left, or
none willing to fight for what they 'themselves' believe to be true and right. when did we lose our love for one another? where along the way did we
go wrong i ask. . .
Sadly the world is in the hands of the worst and wrong people
Hakii
