My problem was basically that I've always been very shy and lacked confidence. This was making me depressed. After one failed suicide attempt. I read
online about beta blockers doing wonders for people with shyness or confidence problems. Unfortunately no mater how hard I tried I couldn't convince
my doctor to prescribe betablockers. Instead he put me on anti-depressants.
First I was prescribed fluoxetine (prozac). Took half a tablet at first and was out like a light for 12 hours. Went to college the next day and took
one tablet before I went. By lunchtime I was feeling physically sick & having anxiety attacks. I just couldn't stop shaking. To others it probably
looked like I was trying to break dance.
As soon as I got home I threw the rest in the bin.
Next I was put on seroxat, which I took for six months but they did absolutely nothing apart from make me even more angry & paranoid.
Finally I was prescribed citalopram. I took these for about 4 months then I started having some really bad side effects, not to mention increased
bouts of rage and anger. It's like I was turning into the incredible hulk. Just couldn't understand where this rage was coming from. I also started
becoming dizzy, blacking out and suffering from numbness all over. I completely lost any feeling in my head and immediately had to come off them.
I was also seeing a psychologist at the time along with care workers, but because there was no real progress being made I was told I would have to
take even more anti-depressants or I could no longer continue with any kind of counselling.
And because of the bad experiences I've had with
anti-depressants I refused to take any more so I was no longer eligible for counselling or therapy. That basically put me back where I started and in
complete despair. I tried to find another solution to my problem and I am still looking. Tried meditation, self hypnosis, countless self help books
and audio tapes without success. What can i say about shyness other than it's lifetime curse.
As for anti-depressants I wish I had never took any of them. I still had bouts of anger afterwards, but thankfully managed to control it through
meditation. They certainly didn't help me in any way.
I'm beginning to think that maybe my problem is health related. I recently discovered that I have parasites in my eyes. (Not floaters as I have those
too) Literally hundreds of them swimming about in my vision. I went to the doctors about it, had a stool sample analysed and was told they didn't
find anything. Went to another doctor and again was told they couldn't find anything. Well I sure as hell can. Geez I give up. If there in my eyes, I
bet they are everywhere. God knows what effect this is having on my nervous system.
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