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Favorite Chuck Norris Facts

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posted on Apr, 13 2008 @ 05:33 PM
I want to hear everyone's favorite Chuck Norris facts. Now lets make these all factual and try to stay away from anything too fantastical. I'll start with my 2 favorite.

-There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-Chuck Norris picked up a paper route when he was 11, no one survived.

posted on Apr, 13 2008 @ 05:36 PM
He almost always seems to sport some facial hair. It's all I know about the actor besides his martial arts stunts.

posted on Apr, 13 2008 @ 06:11 PM
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?

posted on Apr, 14 2008 @ 09:56 AM
Santa Claus, you'r posts are wonderful! I would be your newest groupie, except you didn't bring me that millionaire I asked for last Christmas. Can you get to work on that?

Ah Chuck Norris, one of my favorite people to make fun of. I think the guy takes himself far too seriously, at least far more than he actually deserves to. I loved his ad where he endorsed Mike Hukkabee for prez.

I like to watch M*A*S*H reruns in the evening. After the last M*A*S*H show, an ad for Chuck Norris comes on IMMEDIATELY after the show. YOu have to be very quick in order to change the channel so that you don't have to hear Chuck say "I'm about to get real upset with you". I hate hearing that, so I now have a contest with myself to see if I can change the channel quickly to not have to hear Chuck. He tries to emulate John Wayne but really doesn't even half succeed.

Facts about Chuck Norris:

"Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever."

Thanks for the laughs SC. I will surely be following this thread!

posted on Apr, 14 2008 @ 10:51 AM
Oooooh I love these. My favorite is:

"There's no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist."

posted on Apr, 14 2008 @ 08:41 PM
my favorite has always been
"the angles sang in a heavenly coures as down from the heavens decended chuck norris"

O yeah and my 2nd favorite one is
"I planted my hair in the soil and 2 days later Rambo was born from it."
~ Chuck Norris on how Rambo was born

[edit on 14-4-2008 by 5ealchris]

posted on Apr, 14 2008 @ 09:00 PM
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. To bad Chuch Norris has never cried. Ever.

posted on Apr, 16 2008 @ 11:54 PM
I have enjoyed reading this thread. I'm a fan of Chuck Norris, movies. Has anyone else got anymore gossip or snitbits about him????

posted on Apr, 17 2008 @ 12:26 AM
I gots some gossips.

When Chuck Norris jumps
Chuck doesn't go up
the world goes down.

posted on Apr, 17 2008 @ 02:27 PM
Game lovers rejoice!

No wonder Master Chief kicks so much ass.

posted on Apr, 20 2008 @ 02:06 AM
I was lying in bed beside Chuck Norris once...and was having a bad dream...

Apparently I called out..."Chuck, I have vanquished you from this world and the next 313 worlds you bloody dog."

He gently shook me awake and said...

"Baby, if you even KILL me in a DREAM, you'd better wake up and apologize."

posted on Apr, 20 2008 @ 02:07 AM
reply to post by LateApexer313

hehe nice

posted on Apr, 20 2008 @ 11:03 AM
Chuck has a penchant for women's underwear and looks real nice in them.

posted on Apr, 20 2008 @ 12:28 PM
Chuck Norris would run for President, but he doesn't want to lose any power or influence.

posted on Apr, 25 2008 @ 12:21 PM
true story, from New South Wales, Australia.

Theres a suburb called "Norris Park", and theres a sign at its entrance which someone has been scribbling "chuck" in front of it so the council decided to take it one step further.

keep on chuckin!

[edit on 25/4/08 by Obliv_au]

[edit on 25/4/08 by Obliv_au]

posted on Apr, 25 2008 @ 07:44 PM
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pane

Every night when the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks the closet for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice

And Chuck Norris said "Let there be God"

posted on Apr, 26 2008 @ 04:06 AM
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

posted on Apr, 27 2008 @ 12:46 AM
Ahem . . .
Little ninjas always want to be Chuck Norris when they grow up, but most of them usually end up just getting killed by Chuck Norris.

We live in an expanding universe, and all of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris

Love does not hurt, Chuck Norris does.

Jesus walks on water, but Chuck Norris walks on jesus

posted on Apr, 27 2008 @ 01:54 AM
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to baby boys who would grow up to become the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

posted on May, 22 2008 @ 05:13 AM
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you

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