She helped to get rid of the feelings I was having, but I learned tonight that nothing is ever going to really make them go away. The
feelings I had before are merely hiding behind the feelings I have for her, and as soon as the very real prospect of us breaking up reared its
ugly head, they were back ten fold
Heman ... hope you write the above words down and stick them where you'll see them. Maybe stick them in a few places.
You wrote them. You're very smart to have articulated your awareness in the midst of your romantic pain.
They show that you know exactly the type of contortions your mind is engaged in . Few are ever aware. And very few are brave enough to acknowledge
Nature is a cunning beast. As I'm sure you're aware.
Nature wants people to breed. After that, Nature has no real use for them.
Few escape Nature's dictates and wiles. Few are so self-aware that they can see what's happening to them as it happens. You are an exception.
'Love' leads to reproduction, or at least that's how Nature plans it.
Reproduction means little kids .. just as you were a little kid.
LIttle kids will cause you to lay down everything you have on their behalf.
Housing, food, education, presents, medical, dental, secondary and tertiary education, etc.
By the time that's done, you're in your mid-40's. Too old, in most instances, to chase down your dreams. In most cases, it's too painful for
people to even think about the dreams they had when younger.
'Dreams' now involve seeing their grown children safely settled.
Then 'dreams' become about their grandchildren.
Today's 'love' is next year's indifference or even loathing.
But few escape Nature's designs.
Nature doesn't give a damn about your dreams .. or about your future grandchildren's dreams.
All Nature wants is for you to breed. And for your grandchildren to breed. And for wolves and dandelions and flies to continue breeding.
Nature regards you as simply a vehicle whereby it may replace you on the planet. Your dreams are your own -- they exist despite Nature. To pursue
your dreams, let alone fulfill them, you have to be smart enough to escape Nature's wiles. Few are.
And even fewer will admit they they live/lived Nature's dream rather than their own. They refuse to acknowledge they were reduced by Nature to mere
vehicles for succeeding generations. They claim that marrying and having children 'fulfilled' them. And they make themselves believe it.
Next time you're at the supermarket, study the elderly and elderly couples. And know that in a good percentage of them, lie aborted dreams, beneath
the 'contented' smiles. Oh ... and even though no-one will be able to convince you, most probably ... life is so swift. So incredibly swift. No
Age one to twenty ... seems long.
Twently to thirty goes much faster than you can imagine.
Thirty to forty ... the swiftness of time is starting to sink in and people are trying to find reverse gear.
Forty to fifty ... lots of soul-searching (and realisation of just how fast life is).
Fifty to sixty .. paying for the past.
Sixty to seventy ... so much to impart, no-one wants to hear it.
Seventy plus ... the big unspoken question is: ' What was it all supposed to be about ?'