posted on Mar, 21 2008 @ 03:26 PM
Ok, so I work in an office that has two different bathrooms, the men's room and the ladies' room. They are located on the floor, not in the office
and we share them with the other offices on our floor. The only way you can enter the bathrooms are using the keys which, oddly enough, are
identical, meaning the men's key works both locks.
I probably go thru $30 worth of keys each year. Personally, I keep one on my keychain because I know that I will leave the office and hit the
bathroom before heading home and, if I take the office key with me, odds are the bathroom key is heading home with me. If it comes home with me,
it's a guaranty that I'll forget to bring it back the next day. So I keep my own key. I never, ever let anyone use my personal key for obvious
reasons. Clients and messengers are always asking to use the bathroom and we always give them the keys and it seems, more often than not, they take
the key home with them.
I've tried attaching giant keychains, old floppy discs, cd's, pens and I have even considered the gas station key chain used in The Jerk (couldn't
find a spare rim). It never seems to matter. The key goes missing. I have one friend who claims he has 6 keys in his home, all sitting together,
waiting for him to bring them home. I stopped letting him use the bathroom because I was starting to view his key theft as intentional and that's
downright wrong. He might see the humor in taking the key but there's no humor in me realizing I have to pee and going to grab the key, only to find
it not there. Then I need to run back to my office, locate my keys in my jacket and then sprint thru my office, around the hallway, passed the
elevators and over to the bathroom. No, sorry, no humor on the potential oops moment.
So, today a client is here and he finishes up the meeting and he says he wants to use the bathroom before he heads home. He lives in Brookly, maybe a
20 minute subway ride from here. My secretary gives him the key. He disappears. For a while. It seems he wasn't worried about having to urinate
on the subway but, rather, he was concerned with something far more nefarious befalling him whilst underground.
Anyway, he finally returns, tosses the keys on the front entrance, says goodbye to the secretary and heads out to the elevators.
Now, this is important. This client is old school. So old school that the only reason he has a phone in his apartment is not because he almost got
killed using the pay phone on the corner. No, he has a phone in his apartment because they removed the pay phone on the corner. Well, the drunk
driver removed it. the phone company never replaced it. Apparently, the only business the phone had was when he used it. So, he got himself a land
line. He doesn't have a cell phone. No means of contact unless he is home. He does have an answering machine. I know because I bought it for him
a couple of years ago after I got fed up trying to reach him. So, he does have an answer machine. He loves it. he said the box is the perfect
height for a foot stool. Because it moved around too much when it was empty, he uses the answer machine as a weight in the box to keep it from
collapsing and sliding around when he's resting his weary feet.
So, anyway, this client tosses keys on the front reception area and leaves. Gone. In the elevator, out of the lobby and gone.
About ten minutes after he leaves my secretary comes in and asks me if I know my client's cell phone number. I tell her he doesn't have one and I
Knucklehead tossed his keys on the counter and took the bathroom key with him when he left. Ahh, if I could be there when he goes to let himself in
to his apartment with my bathroom key. That would be priceless. The downside is I am going to have to stay here until he figures out what he did
wrong and he can't call me from the pay phone to tell me he's coming back because he doesn't have one anymore.