posted on Feb, 23 2004 @ 07:40 PM
My father had emphysema but was doing as well as could be expected, I mean he was driving the car, up walking around, doing small amount of work, once
when I came home from work I found him with the 8 track blasting dancing with my children, then immediately after the dream he began getting sicker
and sicker, he swelled up due to kidney problems, heart problems and breathing problems and then of course within 2 months he was gone, I loved my
Dad very much but I chose him because he was sick so it seemed my only option to choose him since I felt I had no choice but to choose. Now to the
dream about my Dad.
I have sleep apnea which means I quit breathing in my sleep for long periods of time and some people have died from it, which is what I feel allowed
me to cross over for a little while, currently I have a c-pap machine but back then I did not know I had the problem.
I was a nursing student at the time and in the dream I was crossing a street a very busy street and I saw a woman get struck with a car, part of me
wanted to help her another part of me wanted to scream for someone with more skills than myself to help, the crowd around me was buzzing trying to
help her, at that moment just across the street I saw my Dad, he was sitting on a horse drawn hotdog stand (I don't know if such a thing ever
existed) but it was very pretty all the wrought iron was painted with a very high gloss black paint. He saw me and seem to be waiting for me to come
to him, I made the choice someone else could help the woman, surely someone else was more qualified and this was an opportunity to talk to my Dad. I
climbed up on the seat beside him and hugged him, I started telling him how much I loved him and he simply dismissed it with a wave of his hand and
said I already know that, I know and I love you too, he then asked about everyone and I was telling him stories about everyone and we were laughing so
hard and then suddenly I stopped in mid sentence and said, "But Daddy you are dead so if I'm talking to you, does that mean you are on my side or
have I crossed over to your side." My father said, "You are on my side." and pointed to the crowd, at that moment the crowd seemed to move slightly
away and I could see the woman on the pavement someone moved her over on her side facing me and there was my own dead pale face my eyes open staring
into oblivion. I looked back at my Dad the expression on my face must have been too funny because my Dad began laughing hysterically and saying, "If
you could just see the expression on your face right now!" I began laughing too and woke up. After that my guilt had lessened but to this day I
wonder about the gift that is surely a double edge sword.