You know, the funny thing is that only recently have I begun to realize that perhaps others HAVE experienced what I've experienced. So I began to
search on the internet for some kind of commonality. Just in the last week, I have found two people who have either had similar dreams or
I am amazed to have found this forum. In the past, it never occurred to me that some people would have the same experiences as myself. It's not
that I thought I was different from everyone else, but that there was something not right about me. I felt a great shame for being who I was. So
thank you, all of you, for sharing your stories.
reply to post by Retikx
Retikx, I have had similar experiences as yourself. The only difference is that because I grew up in an environment mostly without adult supervision,
I had to work through some of those things you suggest on my own.
I experienced the bird, but I did not experience it in a waking state. I carried his body with me everywhere in my dreams. At the point when he
died, I grieved very strongly and felt something beautiful was no more. As an adult, I now think he was a symbol of something. I suppose I should
add that while the bird was red as you stated, when he died he turned brown. So there is a difference there. And I most definitely got a feeling of
maleness from this bird.
I had night terrors as you suggested every night as a little girl. At a point, I was terrified to go anywhere that wasn't out in the open, even in
waking. I experienced the inability to move. After a while, I just couldn't take it anymore, I didn't want to be afraid. So I started making
explanations for everything. After a while, I told myself that the people I was terrified of had a complex laboratory that could be accessed under my
bed. Their labyrinth confused me because it was not all light like doctors offices, but I persevered that it was a medical facility. That was the
most logical explanation to a five year old. I told myself that they did what they had to do because they were replacing my body parts, one part at a
time, through time because I needed them to grow. I didn't know why I specifically need that kind of help when everyone else around me had no
problems growing, but I told myself some things I just could not know.
Whatever silliness this rationale was, it reduced my fear of it all and eventually I stopped being afraid of "the doctors."
By the way, I am a
sibling in a family of multiple children as well (6). I have never been on medication for such things. In fact, something tells me such medication
are bad for all of us, that it keeps us from growing. Of course, I say that for those who can handle the craziness of life, I grieve those who are so
torn that they NEED medication.
As for the lucid dreaming, I hope we all have those because in those, doesn't it all seem like we're in the right place? In our natural state? I
don't know what this means, but it seems to me waking is a state of confusion, but in these lucid dreams there is clarity and a feeling of
connectedness-my only thought is to help others in distress, or against something that is obscuring the truth or about
to oppress others. In
fact, I sometimes come out of these states calling someone a liar. And it angers me that the human solution is to sedate.
I have also had lucid dreams in which whole lifetimes have passed for "someone else." It is almost like my goal was to document other peoples'
lives. I was a watcher, and giver of love. If that makes any sense. I'm curious to know if you've felt that as well. Some of my dreams have been
completely NOT about me, but about someone out there who needed love to get past a tragedy, while it was occurring.
There are some of out there with similar experiences to your own.