I really need some help/advice.

I am in such a difficult situation right now with my girl friend, me and her have been dating for about 3 months now. I dated her for about a year before that and we kida took a 6 month break and then got back together, she has been through alot, she's lost everyone who was close to her, her dad ran off with another woman and her mom ran off with another guy, she's lived on the streets, and been from place to place, making new friends and then just losing them, I guess you can say I saved her or influenced her to be a more happy person, but the thing is that i'm no longer happy, or i'm no longer in love with her, i love her just not in that way anymore, i don't know what to do, she says if i leave her then she will kill herself, and i honestly believe that she would do it, our relationship has been on the rocks for roughly 2 weeks now, i'm just turned off by her now and she knows it and it's tearing her apart, i want to let her go but at the same time i don't because i'm to worried about her, this woman believes we are soul mates, and i'm so lost on what to do now, she could really hurt herself and i just feel obligated to be with her, to help her, but I keep digging this hole deeper for myself. Has anyone else ever had a problem like this, i really need some adice.

My advice would be to seek professional help. Family guidance, local psychiatrist, whatever. There are people that fix these situations for a living. If someone is threatening to kill themselves, I would definitely recommend you not try and fix things yourself.

I think you thought you loved her, but really it was your need to help someone that drove you toward her. Now the problems you wanted to help fix are driving you away.

A complicated situation indeed.

I agree with the previous poster that this may be something more than you can handle on your own.

I also think that you realize however, that staying is only delaying the inevitable. Would she really want to stay with someone that was not in love with her?

You might do well to keep in mind too, that you did go back to her for some reason. Is it possible that you really do love her, but there is jsut some reverse-psychology going on here?

Why is it that we always fall for the ones who don't love us back? And when the tables are turned, we just can't get caught up in "that feeling" when someone is hopelessly in love with us.

I have had both of these happen with one person. For a very long time I was the dominant personality in the relationship, and kept my distance emotionally. She couldn't stand to be without me. Then over time, as I became more comfortable, the tables turned. In the end, I got my friggin' heart ripped out of my chest and stomped into the gravle pit of despair.

Sorry for rambling...

Hope you get this worked out.

You might try the local battered woman's shelter.

That would likely be free-ish.

I think they keep those numbers secret, but a welfare worker will likely know how to put her in touch.

Local church might have some resources, too.

Thing is, anything you do is going to be tough, b/c she's unlikely to want to get 'help' (i.e. cure her of you). She wants you to give in to her 'threat'.

Not knowing her or you, it's tough to give anything like a 'strategy'.

Good luck!

Hi,

I have been in a similar situation to you...

Please listen to what "watch_the_rocks" said, you should be able to get counselling on various matters, problems etc you could suggest that you will attend the meetings with her. This may diffuse the situation slightly. The counselling will help and it could introduce her to other people that she can relate to.

You are not responsible for how someone lives their life, and for me that was hardest thing to realize, especially when no one else cared about the girl that I knew.

To let you know, our lives separated but we still remain friends and she now has her own house, a good job and is very happy.

Regards,

JQ.

[edit on 12-3-2008 by John Q]

i have to agree with with the jist of what the previous posters have said.

you've got to realise that this is your one chance at your life, and you should live it as you feel you should to make you happy!

that said, you kinda do have some obligation to her as you have been as emotional rock for her for sometime. pulling her out of despair and putting her feet back on the ground (and well done for that),
but to remove that support while she is in a fragile state could be percieved as a bit heartless.

my advice is to sit her down and explain your feelings, perhaps even show her this thread and the replies you have recieved. maybe tell her that, while you love her as a friend, your no longer in love with her.
but perhaps make it clear to her that as a friend, she'll be able to lean on you a little, use you as a confidant when the need arises. also make it clear to her that you are still in a position to help, but not necessarily to the extent that you have before.
let her understand that she after the progress she has made in turning her life around, she must learn to stand on her own two feet and become self sufficient.

this will be difficult, both you and her must try to remain amicable. i've recently split from my wife, for a number of reasons that perhaps arent too hard to spot, but we are trying very hard to remain friends (to some extent) for the sake of the children. these are testing times but we will see them through, and i very much hope that you can too.

good luck