When I started living alone, iow, without adult supervision, my natural inclinations started to come to the fore.
Having no one but myself to satisfy, I put together a plan to make the bachelor life more fun, efficient, and less hassle.
Simply close the lid of the toilet. Close the shower door or curtain. Get some girl to buy you nice curtains. They're good at stuff like that.
Lysol in the trash can gives it that minty fresh smell with a vague hint of smelling like ass, but no one will be able to place it, so you're safe.
Get rid of all dishes except for two cups, one plate, one bowl, and one set of utensils. Use Paper plates, plastic utensils, paper napkins, as needed.
Spray some air freshener.
Food and Cooking.
Cook 3-4 meals worth each time you cook, except for fun stuff like cooking eggs. Bag it up and get calorie counts. Use things that are portable, like
pre-cooked stuff, jumbo shrimp and individually packaged fish.
Wash all the dishes after you use them and by the time you finish eating the kitchen is clean.
Get rid of all personal hygiene things, and just have a tooth brush and a bar of Irish Spring soap and some spray deodorant.
With really nothing in the bathroom you never have to dust in there (See: Dusting
). Once a month you can divert the shower spray and wipe
everything down with one towel. Rinse the towel in the shower and hang it up. By the next morning it's good to go.
I don't even bother to use tooth paste, which erodes your teeth anyway, but since I brush 2-5 X a day my teeth are always clean. I have one tube of
tooth paste that I bought in 2004. I admit I treat myself every once in a while. If you're visiting a friend try out their toothpaste, but bring your
own toothbrush. It fits in a AAA flashlight case you can wear on your belt (next to your flashlight). Get a black one nobody will know what it is.
Spray the deodorant on your clothes not yourself. It lasts longer that way. Since I shower twice a day, I don't smell. (Actually I'm lucky I can't
really smell, except for gasoline.)
Get 10 pairs of black socks, and 5 pairs of black underwear. That way everything matches, and you don't have that much to wash.
Get quick drying fabrics and just wash them in the shower. A small bucket and some Woolite and you're fine. Wring stuff out inside a terry cloth
towel - it will get them almost dry.
Hang them up in the bathroom. For shirts and underwear, just put them on damp and body heat will dry them out in a short while.
Wash things like jogging or riding wear at least once a week, or at most once per month, if you can remember. Pants are all jeans, all black, and
those can be worn almost indefinitely without needing to be washed.
I have a few pairs of black jeans from 2002 that I wear all the time and I've never washed. As a result they look almost new.
Sweeping and Mopping
Get a pet. If you drop food, they will vacuum it up.
You may have to spray a little water with fish or tuna in it on the floor, use a 1:100 dilution, pets are sensitive. A can of tuna will last about 8
months. Either cats or dogs have sanitary spit. I forget which. Get one of each.
Here's a special tip. Dogs are high maintenance. Borrow the neighbor's dog now and then. They won't miss them. Just put it back where you got
Taking out the Trash
Forget that. Just use a plastic bag that you get from a relatively exclusive shop. Hang it next to where you eat. Bag up your trash and clip it with
one of those long bag clips. When you go out, take it with you and dump it in the nearest trash, roll up the bag and put it in your pocket. When it
gets grotty, get a new one. Since it says 'Abercrombie&Fitch', nobody notices the smell, apparently.
Call up a vacuum cleaner demonstration every couple months. Get him to show you how the vacuum works in each room. Find new challenges. Act
interested. Say 'really
a lot. When he's done tell him that everything really looks about the same. Say you'll have to
get back to him. Have a friend call in about 40 minutes so you can rush out if there's a problem getting him to leave.
Bachelors help each other and always think at least one step ahead..
Washing the Car
Dump the car or put it in the garage and get a bicycle.
Word up: Astro turf.
Well that's about it for now. Feel free to add your own tips.
Remember we want to save time so that more time can be spent doing what bachelors really like to do.
[edit on 7-3-2008 by Badge01]