posted on Mar, 6 2008 @ 12:53 PM
Lost My Mind
Why can’t I remember anything in my life? I try thinking of what I did yesterday but nothing is coming to me. I wonder if I even took a shower
this morning or ate breakfast. I don’t know if I’m married, single or have any children. How did I survive to the age I am now? Oh no, I
don’t even know how old I am. Something is terribly wrong with me but what? Another morning of waking up to strangers coming up to me and saying
they love me and wish me well, but I have no clue to who these people are. I’m scared and I want out of this place they have me in, but where would
I go and how can I survive in this state of mind? Oh GOD!! Help me remember who I am and where I need to go. As I’m crying this young lady comes
over to me and ask if I need anything or someone to talk to and I yell at her saying, “I am talking to him right now!! Get away from me”! And
she walks away without saying a word. Now I really feel bad. I’m talking to God and screaming at a complete stranger.
This place looks like a nursing home that I’m in and I’m wondering why I can remember what a nursing home looks like but not my past. Surely I
should remember where I grew up and lived through out the years. Still nothing, it’s like a clean slate with my memory. I walk over to the young
lady who tried to talk to me before I screamed at her and apologized for my outburst. She looked straight into my eyes and says “its ok daddy, I
know you’re confused and not feeling well.” My heart just stopped for a few seconds and my mind went numb. She doesn’t look like my daughter,
does she? She’s a beautiful young lady, but looks nothing like me. I can’t take much more of this. She then put her arms around me and told me
that she loved me and that things are going to be ok. As the tears started rolling down my cheeks I suddenly felt warm and secure in her arms and I
thanked her for being here for me. She just squeezed me tighter and said you are welcome Daddy.
I man came up to us with another woman and asked if I was ready. I of course said ready for what? To be checked in to the Mission Lodge for
evaluation said the man. I asked him what is wrong with me. He politely told me about Alzheimer Disease and that I’m here for a temporary stay
and will have top of the line care. I looked at the woman beside him and ask if she will be working with me and if there’s a cure for
Alzheimer’s? I saw a tear fall from her left eye when she told me that she’s my wife and that she loves me and will be here every chance she can.
How can a man forget about the beauty that stands in front of me? What have I done to deserve this? She then handed me a picture of the three of us
smiling with arms around each other and told me that she loves me and will never walk away without me knowing it. I tried to remember the picture but
nothing came to me, nothing. Then we proceeded to a small office area and the doctor went over all the procedures and testing that was to be done to
me and how there’s always a chance for my memory to come back with medication and therapy. I looked over at my wife and she looked at me and we
both smiled. All I could think about now was getting better. And I wondered if I’ll remember my wife and daughter tomorrow? I looked at the
picture she gave to me and flipped it over to the back. There it said “We love you Joe, we love you with all our hearts.” Down below were the
names in order of the picture that spelled Amy, Pamela and me Joe. So my name is Joe, Joe who? I’ll figure that out later, for now I want to know
if I’m able to beat this lonely feeling or die alone in my mind.
[edit on 3/6/2008 by Solarskye]