Lost My Mind

Why can’t I remember anything in my life? I try thinking of what I did yesterday but nothing is coming to me. I wonder if I even took a shower this morning or ate breakfast. I don’t know if I’m married, single or have any children. How did I survive to the age I am now? Oh no, I don’t even know how old I am. Something is terribly wrong with me but what? Another morning of waking up to strangers coming up to me and saying they love me and wish me well, but I have no clue to who these people are. I’m scared and I want out of this place they have me in, but where would I go and how can I survive in this state of mind? Oh GOD!! Help me remember who I am and where I need to go. As I’m crying this young lady comes over to me and ask if I need anything or someone to talk to and I yell at her saying, “I am talking to him right now!! Get away from me”! And she walks away without saying a word. Now I really feel bad. I’m talking to God and screaming at a complete stranger.

This place looks like a nursing home that I’m in and I’m wondering why I can remember what a nursing home looks like but not my past. Surely I should remember where I grew up and lived through out the years. Still nothing, it’s like a clean slate with my memory. I walk over to the young lady who tried to talk to me before I screamed at her and apologized for my outburst. She looked straight into my eyes and says “its ok daddy, I know you’re confused and not feeling well.” My heart just stopped for a few seconds and my mind went numb. She doesn’t look like my daughter, does she? She’s a beautiful young lady, but looks nothing like me. I can’t take much more of this. She then put her arms around me and told me that she loved me and that things are going to be ok. As the tears started rolling down my cheeks I suddenly felt warm and secure in her arms and I thanked her for being here for me. She just squeezed me tighter and said you are welcome Daddy.

I man came up to us with another woman and asked if I was ready. I of course said ready for what? To be checked in to the Mission Lodge for evaluation said the man. I asked him what is wrong with me. He politely told me about Alzheimer Disease and that I’m here for a temporary stay and will have top of the line care. I looked at the woman beside him and ask if she will be working with me and if there’s a cure for Alzheimer’s? I saw a tear fall from her left eye when she told me that she’s my wife and that she loves me and will be here every chance she can. How can a man forget about the beauty that stands in front of me? What have I done to deserve this? She then handed me a picture of the three of us smiling with arms around each other and told me that she loves me and will never walk away without me knowing it. I tried to remember the picture but nothing came to me, nothing. Then we proceeded to a small office area and the doctor went over all the procedures and testing that was to be done to me and how there’s always a chance for my memory to come back with medication and therapy. I looked over at my wife and she looked at me and we both smiled. All I could think about now was getting better. And I wondered if I’ll remember my wife and daughter tomorrow? I looked at the picture she gave to me and flipped it over to the back. There it said “We love you Joe, we love you with all our hearts.” Down below were the names in order of the picture that spelled Amy, Pamela and me Joe. So my name is Joe, Joe who? I’ll figure that out later, for now I want to know if I’m able to beat this lonely feeling or die alone in my mind.


[edit on 3/6/2008 by Solarskye]

Anyone who knows me well Solarskye, knows that it doesn't take much in real life to reduce me to tears either out of sadness or joy, as I cry for both.
But with stories..it takes far more effort to get me to that point.
Solarskye, you brought me to tears.
Congrats.
Star and flag.

To Solarskye

Alzheimer Disease is truly existing alone in ones mind. I knew a woman who couldn't even recognize herself in the mirror. Like the common cold.... I wonder if there will ever be a cure? Too much money to be made in just relieving the symptoms. Great visuals Solarskye. It's something that should concern everyone. Maybe not today, but on down the road.

Starred & Flagged

Thank you for your comments Access & Mountain. I think about it alot because there are times when I forget something to easy to forget. Sometimes I forget what I did a few hours ago & Alzheimer comes to mind. That's why I wrote the story and I really hope that it will be cured someday. To not know who you are or your loved ones is the ultimate hell to me. Our memories are cherished and forever stored in our minds and to loose it is like losing life itself. Thanks again for your replies, I hope I'll never forget what you just said.

[edit on 3/12/2008 by Solarskye]

Absolutley amazing. I loved every bit of it and want more. You paint a vivid picture of what it must be like to have Alzheimer's. I have nothing bad to say about it, and have no real constructive critisism, because I loved it. I only wish it was longer. I could see this being turned into a whole book. I would buy a book like this. Great job.


Normally, when I rate these stories I like to leave some room for improvement, but I see nothing that needs improvement. On a scale of 1-5 stars I give you 5 stars.

i hope your cured solar but just out of curiosity how did you find ats once you forgot?

my sincerest hopes for you and your family

ArtemisFowl

Well I don't have Alzheimer disease as of yet and hope I don't get it. I'm just forgetful sometimes and the disease comes to mind when I forget simple things. And thank you for your wonderful remarks gimme_some_truth. That makes my day.

[edit on 3/27/2008 by Solarskye]