posted on Mar, 5 2008 @ 02:01 PM
Hello my fellow ATS'ers!
Having finally come to understand the great art of prophecy, I now present to you several predictions for THIS MARCH of 2008!
Chaos and Destruction:
* San Fransisco, Los Angeles, and New York cities will not be destroyed by massive earthquakes
* A massive, mile-long asteroid will not strike the earth, killing a third of its population.
* Less than 10% of the entire planetary population will be killed by any combination of the following: asteroids, alien attack, nuclear war, or large
irradiated mutant ferrets. However, here in the US many people will die in traffic accidents.
Politics:
* US President George Bush will not be assassinated
* The television media will continue to generally ignore Congressman Ron Paul's candidacy
Finance:
* The US economy will be plagued by semi-constant doom and gloom financial news commentary, but on the whole things will continue more or less as
they have.
* Many people with substantial self interest in gold investment will encourage others to buy gold to 'escape the disaster' without mentioning how
they make money by increasing the demand for gold.
* There will continue to be regular news reports about how the dollar is cataclysmically plunging vs. other currencies, yet the actual rate of
decline will still be so small that the graphs they use will have to scale over less than ten percent of total value to make the relative amount of
change appear greater than it actually is.
War:
* The US will continue to occupy Iraq
* China will continue to not invade Taiwan or Japan. Or Florida.
Contact with extraterrestrial life:
* On March 17, at approximately 5:05 pm, no extra terrestrial lifeforms will make formal contact with the US government. Similarly, there will be no
public announcement of this lack of contact. If for some reason there should happen to be any public outcry over this, officials will deny that any
incident occurred. If formal contact should happen to be made at any time in March other than the 17th at 5:05pm, there will also be no public
announcement, but, some people will continue to believe that it occurred anyway.
And my final two predictions:
* I predict that even though in this very sentence I state that this post is intended to be mildly humorous, there will still be people who will take
it seriously, and will ask me to post more predictions next month. There will also be some people who get the joke, and post replies stating that they
completely believe my predictions will come true, and come back in April to confirm that they did. If this thread should happen to receive enough
posts to reach more then five or six pages, there will be newcomers to the thread who will read these responses and somehow manage to completely
misunderstand what's going on.
* Others will laugh at these people.
...
I am so absolutely certain that each and every one of these prophecies will be fulfilled, that if even a single one of them does not...I will publicly
post an 'oops, sorry' message here in this very thread, sometime in April of 2008. Probably during the evening. Unless I forget.
You may now bathe me in adulation for my extremely humble greatness, as well as the foresight I had to spelchek before posting this.