How do you handle difficult people?

In my case I don't. Most of the time I just walk away or ignore them.
I know it's not ideal, but I always find a way to do exactly that.

I believe it has something to do with feeding the wolf (behavior). Which wolf will you feed, the good or the bad? Most of the time when I try to deal with difficult people, it ends up feeding the bad wolf and they end up not changing because of it. I guess I'm just not good at handling difficult people.

I have to say though, I find difficult people are very damaging. Both to the people that surround them and to the world. Most of world problem in my opinion can be attributed to difficult people, especially leaders, rather than scientific/technical problems or natural disasters.

So, how do you handle them?

With a difficult person I would just let them have their way in whatever it is. Pretend they're right, because there is no use arguing.

reply to post by Jazzyguy


Nothing pleasures me more than to kill 'em with kindness. If they are really being difficult, this drives them nuts.

I try to be very polite, but ask their motives on why they are being so ugly.

Sometimes they truly are having a stressful moment and just taking out their frustration on the outside world.

Mostly though they are born genetic throwbacks and don't know how to act in polite company. Needless to say telling these morons what *** ***** they are does no good whatsoever. Smile and be confident in the knowledge that you aren't them.

usually i just totally ignore them, or if they are being insulting i have a few different ways to deal with it.

like if someone gives me grief at work for being a bit rounded ill either turn it into a joke or exaggerate. ie : "hey i bet YOU eat a few pizza's in one sitting" and ill reply "yeah, the other night i had about 9 pizza's and still went to a chicken shop afterwards.

but if they keep at it and at it for days on end it tells me theyre just trying to get a rise out of me so i usually dont get angry, i just tell them straight out what THEIR problem is.

like when people try humilliate and ridicule you infront of others ill say something like "ya know, people who are an egotistical mouth piece usually like to ridicule others to try make themselves look good to everyone around, but its actually a sign of inferiority complex, or self esteem issues, usually steming from a low IQ and little life experience. so they act tough to try make up for the fact that theyre unintelligent.

the dude replied "oh i told you before dont use big words" and i replied "thanks for proving my point, it seems you DO have a low iq"

so while they try take cheap shots ill just come straight out with a few home truth's about how theyre beating their chest like a gorilla to act tough.

three guys in particular constantly gave me a hard time at work, so one by one i tore them down with the greatest of ease using logic.
they had been at me for a few months without getting a rise outta me, and then one day i calmly state a few home truths in reply and ive had them in a fit of rage before lunch rolls around.

then next time they tried to get a rise i pointed out how they never got me angry, but i got them angry with the greatest of ease and that if they give me # ill have THEM in a fit of rage without even trying.

ever since, they've all been nice to me.. including the time i mouthed off at one of the boss's by telling him WHY he didnt get his promotion (his attitude)

its so easy to hit a nerve when you use home truth's... but i dont enjoy doing so, i do it as a last resort.

For me, it really depends on who the difficult person is. If it's someone older than me or someone in a position of authority I just try to be as polite as possible and comply with their demands.
But if it's someone my age that I have little to no respect for, I'm very sarcastic and I NEVER raise my voice. When the other person is yelling and I'm just talking as if it's over tea, it really ticks them off. My goal is to 1) frustrate them 2) make them look and feel stupid the more they talk to me, so eventually they stop and leave me alone.
Not the most mature way, but it sure is entertaining sometimes.

I just arrest them.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Seriously though..

I think that I made my biggest leap in handling difficult people, something I have to do on a daily basis, when I began to better understand the human dynamic of problem solving.

The most important aspect is this....

No matter how trivial the problem the person is having may seem to you, at that point in time and space, it is the single most important thing in their lives.

I always try and approach a difficult subject with that in mind and never ever, trivialize their problem, no matter how silly or unimportant it may seem to me.

I have found that understanding a person, or at least making them think that you do, goes a long long way toward calming them and creating a common element on which to build...

I have never been one to "demand" the person see something my way, or calm down just because I am in a position of authority, (Unless it is absolutely necessary of course for safety reasons) finding instead that a good ear and some amount of time listening to their troubles, makes my job and that difficult person a lot easier....

Semper

reply to post by Jazzyguy


at work? when i get some arrogent babboon who goes into a hissyfit because their favorite DVD is sold out or Music CD is soid out?

simple i Smile at them and talk to them politely and tell them all the other ways i can get one in for them , slowly calming them down.

sometimes it doesnt work

someone out of work?
i just ignore them untill the come to their senses

Originally posted by semperfortis
No matter how trivial the problem the person is having may seem to you, at that point in time and space, it is the single most important thing in their lives.

That may be the single most important comment about problem resolution and difficult people written in this thread. Once you make that your perspective, dealing with difficult persons becomes much easier.

I try not to. I avoid confrontation.

I happen to live with a difficult but not unreasonable person. I simply nod my usual 'OK' while doing a mental flipping, grunt under my breath as an acceptance to my karma, smile sometimes through pearly white teeth and add a little small talk to affirm her sorry existence and walk away silently, leaving her to believe she is always right no matter what people like me has to say.

reply to post by Jazzyguy


Define difficult. Is it stubborn people? Annoying? Disruptive? Rude? Obnoxious? Odoriferous?

What do you mean exactly. There's no one-size-fits-all solution. It depends on the individual.

reply to post by Beachcoma

Take your pick, Beach. All of them if you have the time.

Stubborn -- reframe their words to make them realize where the problem is. If that doesn't work, reframe it so that they appear stupid (even if they don't get it, it's still amusing )

Annoying -- ignoring them works best. They're usually suffering from histrionic personality disorder anyway.

Disruptive -- confront them. With force of action or with stern words.

Rude -- smile gratuitously. Nothing more satisfying than seeing them get annoyed by the fact that their rudeness isn't affecting you. Or they could actually calm down and be civil for a moment.

Obnoxious -- semper's technique here works best:

I have found that understanding a person, or at least making them think that you do, goes a long long way toward calming them and creating a common element on which to build...

Odoriferous -- Run!!

reply to post by Jazzyguy


Funny thing is.
The guy who you think is just being difficult may think the same of you. I can think of at least one person on this thread I would classify as difficult and he was ranting against difficult people.
It's all a matter of perspective.