Winter Storm 2008! UUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!

So we finally had some snow this week! I bet we had almost 4 inches! Yeah! 4 Inches! Man!
Like on Friday when it started, every single news station was reporting on the terrible winter storm and stuff. Not a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, or a dozen eggs was to be found for miles! Out of curiosity, I wonder why people buy milk, bread, and eggs? Do they think that the ingredients for French Toast is a good life saving strategy? I wonder if Bear Grylls eats French Toast? Hmmmmmmmmm............. I need to do some thinkin' and stuff on that one.........
So like my normal half hour commute took me just shy of 2 hours. Satan, I mean my lovely wife, called me at least 6 times.

1) "What's taking you so long? Are you ever coming home?" Ahhhhh, so very comforting while I stare at the miles of tail lights in front of me.........

2) "Stop at the store and get milk, eggs, and bread." WTF is it with these French Toast ingredients?

3) "Pick up Orange juice too."

4) "Don't forget that tomorrow is Vincents 5th birthday party. Stop and pick up his present. We have to be at his house by 11:00 am tomorrow. Are you going to be home by then?" Yeah, nice. Maybe I'll make him some freakin' French Toast.

5) "Did you pick up the dry cleaning" Why in the heck do I answer my phone?

6) "I don't know what you want for dinner, but I'm not cooking. Pick something up." I am so gonna make her eat a couple pounds of French Toast.....................

So I get to the store, and it is empty. The bread aisle looks like a ghost town. The refrigerated section with eggs and milk looks like aliens came down and beamed up the entire contents. WAIT! There's a gallon of milk! Who cares that it's leakin' and half full and stuff. That baby is mine!

So I head to the deli section. The woman behind the counter is so into her job. I'm the only freakin' person there and I say hello.
"Do you have a number?"

"What?"

"Do you have a number?"

"There's no one else here."

"You need a number."

Now, it's an urban legend that this woman smiled ONCE in her 60 years on the planet............ So me being the genius that I am say:

"You should smile....."

Oh yeah, that worked like a charm. I better watch her closely so I don't get a little loogie in my lunch meat. Yep, she makes a 4,000 year old mummy seem more animated............

"You should get a number."

So I go and get a number. Number 89. So I show her my number. The big red number machine over the deli says 86. I couldn't make this up - she put's her magazine down. It was a Victoria Secrets catalog. Oh yeah baby - I bet she would look so sexy in anything from that catalog........
So she stands up and says:
"87!"
Remember, I'm the ONLY one here.
"88!"

My phone rings.

"Are you almost home yet? What is taking you so long? Did you pick up Vincents present and the dry cleaning?"

I don't know when I actually ticked off a band of Gypsys, but man! I am SO SORRY!!!!

"89!"

At this point I'm actually snickering.

"Here. I'm number 89."

I place my order. After she makes it perfectly clear that she's rather be shaving her head with a cheese grater than wait on me, and finishes my order I say:

"You really should smile......"

Oh yeah, she loved that. Her eyes with the huge bags under them turned red as they drilled through me. Yep, she is one sexy babe.

So I run through the store quickly, and pick up a bunch of stuff. I figure I'll make Chicken Cordon Bleu, some potatoes Au Gratin, Peas, my famous mushroom gravy, and some garlic bread. That's a nice winter meal. I go and pay for everything.

Then I get in the car and start to the next store. Dry cleaner is closed. Great, just great. So I go into the next store and pick up Vincents gift. A really cool Nerf gun. It's like a gun that has a rotating barrel and shoots Nerf darts as quickly as you can squeeze the trigger. OH MAN! It is so cool! So of course I had to pick up one for my son and I. Plus I've been telling my son I would get him a sleeping bag so he could be all cuddly and stuff. So I pick one up.

So I finally get home and bring everything into the house.

"Daddy! Let's build a snowman!"

"OK little Dude, let me change first."

"Why did you buy 3 of those Nerf Guns. And what is this? A sleeping bag? What's wrong with you?"

SERENITY NOW!!!!!!!

So I change, and we go out and brave the gargantuan 4 inches of sheer glacial snow. We build a snowman. Hmmmmmmm.......... not bad if I do say so myself........ that is one cool snowman.

"OK, Little Dude let's go in."

I'm making dinner when all of a sudden.....

"Oh Daddy....."

"What's up Little Dude?"

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang..... There are Nerf darts flyin' everywhere and stuff!

"Uggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"

"The most wonderful sound effect in the world here - a childs laugh."

So I finish dinner, and we sit to eat.

"Why did you make this? I'm on a diet. I'm not eating this."

OK Yabaastad, you hit the lottery my furry four legged friend. You're gonna be eatin' good tonight.......

After dinner is done, and all is cleaned up I open the other Nerf gun, and we run through the house having a fire fight. AWESOME stuff! The only bad part was trying to make sure that my dog Yabaastad didn't eat the darts.

Now it's getting close to bed time, and we break out the sleeping bag and set it up on his couch. He gets in, and we get him all snuggly and warm. I get him some milk and we sit and watch I-Carly.

In a couple of minutes he's sound asleep. I walk out back onto the deck and have a cigarette, and listen to the very subtle sound of new snow falling around me, and breathe in the fresh cold air.

Tomorrow I do believe that some sledding is in the forecast.

I do so love the fact that I've never really grown up.

Originally posted by lombozo
Not a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, or a dozen eggs was to be found for miles! Out of curiosity, I wonder why people buy milk, bread, and eggs?

Its a conspiracy thought up by the dairy producers. No just kidding on that one.

I believe how it started back in the Blizzard of '78. There was two blizzards, one in the central part of the US, and one in the North East of the US.

The one in the Northeast left people isolated from the outside. People abandoned their cars on highways, roads weren't plowed, and the whole area just pretty much shut down. It took a few days for people just to be able to leave their houses.

Now with better and more accurate forecast and improved snow removal, there is little chance such a snow storm will isolate an area like it did in '78. But I believe it was this storm that the origins of buying milk and eggs started.

reply to post by lombozo


Oh, what a great post, I needed a good laugh this afternoon. You should consider writing a book on the lines of chicken soup line, but in stead of tears it could be giggles.
North Dakota tends to button down pretty tight at the mention of snow. It must be the negative 40 will chills or 30 mph wind that we have regularly. Even the people who have been here for 50 years grab all the milk bread and eggs at the slightest cloud cover.
Have fun sledding! Enjoy them while there little, my 17 yr thinks it's funny to see old mom out there building snow men and usualy defaces it when my back is turned.

reply to post by lombozo


That's so funny #89! ROFLMA
When we get power outages here the bread & are nowhere to be found. I say power outages, because we don't get much snow in these parts. We get dust devils tho. You'd be surpised what might be flung, onto your property.

Lombozo's quote,

Yep, she makes a 4,000 year old mummy seem more animated............

That reminds me lol I found a mummy on my property too!

Originally posted by starskipper
reply to post by lombozo

 

Oh, what a great post, I needed a good laugh this afternoon. You should consider writing a book on the lines of chicken soup line, but in stead of tears it could be giggles.

Hmmmmm.................. I could definately tell some stories about soup kitchens. I'm a volunteer of Loaves And Fishes, and I've spent many a cold day preparing a meal for hundreds of needy who stand in line for hours in the Trenton, NJ area.
I've seen alot of tragic cases. Mothers with kids, old men with no one in their lives, Vets missing limbs just wanting to talk to some one while they have a hot meal.
Some things I just can't joke about, but it would make a nice premise for a 'feel good' thread. Thanks for the idea!