Cat owners - I could use your advice!

I am desperate now and so after 5 months of attacks from my kitty Amari I am looking for new techniques on dealing with her bad behavior.

She can get really aggressive and I can deal with a few scratches and bites here and there but every play time turns into me having to walk off into another room, it gets that bad. It's the only effective way I think she understands her playing is too rough. I've got some pretty nasty scratches and scars all over me
As of right now I can't even use my left index and middle fingers properly because of the pain of two deep gashes from an incident this morning. She doesn't mean the scratches so much as the biting but she seems so defensive all the time, claws are out so you just gotta watch out! Even with the constant clippings they're usually pretty damaging. sigh.

And it's not just at play time, I have been trying to train her and ensure there are set play times to let out her aggression but she will attack for no particular reason. So I stopped petting her for awhile and just allowing her to come to me when she wants affection - even then, after sitting innocently on my lap for a few minutes she will start biting and hard too.

It's starting to hurt a lot because she is getting bigger and I am just at my wit's end and so I was hoping one of our fellow cat owners here had some helpful advice.

A little background on Amari - she was a stray, found by a Japanese man's dog (I swear she must think she is a dog now lol plays fetch and all) and we picked her up at a Japanese Veterinarian hospital. She was a sickly lil thing when we took her in and we nursed her back to good health.

She has been aggressive since we brought her home but she wasn't this bad at first. I did at one stage think of finding her another family because I felt like she just didn't like me at all but she has warmed to me some. I thought I had it narrowed down to Play Aggression but now I just don't know because it's unpredictable. Not a day goes by when she hasn't got her back arched and bushy tail goin and I just don't know why or what to do.

Today she hurled feces all over the house, she has done this once before and I put this down to a cry for attention. She cries a lot too, was meowing all day today and she rips into anything she can pull apart (all her toys end up broken). I don't think she is quite of spaying age yet though I have been thinking it may help ?

I have been using Rescue Remedy and Vine (for aggression) flower essences
in her water dish, which help sometimes but not all the time.

I have a spray bottle but I don't think she 'gets' the idea that it is punishment. She ran away the first few times but now when I grab for it she just arches her back and squints her eyes (lol cute but not the reaction I am looking for!!!) Besides it feels mean to spray her.

I have ordered the little caps you put over their claws THREE times from different sellers online and have yet to receive one package and the Army vet hasn't got any either. I am going to try find some when I am home next month.

Another thing is my husband and I will be going on a 3 week vacation soon and will most likely be leaving her at the Navy base kennel/cattery here, will this be likely to help or harm the situation ?

I won't have her de-clawed either - she will be an outdoor cat when we go back to Australia to settle. I just feel bad for not playing with her because she is an indoor cat and I can understand her getting bored, but I'm just put off playing with her because of her behavior.
She is ok with my friends that come over but I am always on edge when they play with her. She seems to be fine with other people but acts up with me and my husband - more so me.

Sorry this became an essay, I'll wrap it up here - if anyone can think of anything I can do I would be so very appreciative for any suggestions

Bless you all.

Amari -



I am considering changing her name to Luci - short for Lucifer

[edit on 15-2-2008 by ImJaded]

[edit on 15-2-2008 by ImJaded]

Just thought I'd also mention that I did try to get some help/advice from the vet but he hardly spoke any English.
We live on a navy base in Japan and it has taken the last 4 months just to get an appointment for her to get her shots :shk:
So yeah, they're not exactly a wealth of information over here nor do they act like they even care when I did ask a question.

Any ideas are welcome

My dad and stepmom have a cat name Luci, short for lucifer also, and the thing lives up to it. I dont know what you can do, cats are just cats and usually you cant do anything to stop them from doing what they want to do. I had a puppy once and I used some sour green apple spray for the biting, when I would play with him I would wipe it on my hands and that would keep him from biting.

Maybe she will stop as she gets older, but maybe not, we had a cat that used to just attack for no reason, you had to watch out walking through the house cause he would come out of nowhere and claw the crap out of you.

We had another one, his name was the devil kitty, he was the sweetest cat most of the time. He would come up and let you pet him, sit on your lap, you would be petting along he would be purring. Then he would stop purring and look at you with this evil look, and just go right for the face. Thinking back on it every cat we had with the exception of one when I was growing up was mean as hell.

I just dont know what to tell you, other then when she does it, hold her until she stops, show it who the boss is. We have three cats, or my wife does I am not much on cats, and they are all declawed. They are inside cats though, even declawed they still get into everything. Maybe try that bitter apple spray, I tried a squirt bottle with water to keep the cats off the counter and table, didnt work too well. They dont care they get their squirt from it, run away then come right back and get back on it. Good luck either way I am sure someone will have a better idea for you. When those claw covers get to you that should help alot, at least to keep you from getting torn up. Good luck.

reply to post by gunner36


lol what a coincidence on the Luci bit

I have never heard of the apple spray, I will look for it online now, thanks!
Seems that would work well if it repels them.

Yeah every day I look forward to receiving the claw covers to no avail, they can't be out of stock everywhere though. I had just shipped some lovely soft Italian leather couches over not long before we got her too - they're done for :shk:

I love her to bits but she can be a real menace. I understand about her being who and what she is but I just want to know if there is something I can be doing to deter the bad behavior.

I have 2 cats back home living with my parents while I am away and the boy is the most perfect cat ever, so well behaved and loving, my lil baby. The girl is feisty but is not as violent as this one, she just likes to be left alone and goes about her business. I raised them well, didn't think I'd have such a hard time of it this time either but I guess I was wrong.

Thank you for your reply and suggestion gunner, I really appreciate it

Use a loud and commanding voice saying 'NO' as you would when scolding a child. And make sure she sees that your expression is one of displeasure. They may not understand the word, but they sure as hell do understand when someone is displeased.

If that doesn't work, use a gentle flick of the fingers to the ear -- not too hard to cause pain, but not too soft that she won't get it.

If my suggestion seems a bit harsh, just remember that the kitty is still a kitty -- she is not a person. A lot of pet owners tend to anthropomorphize their pets, and this isn't the way to go. Realize that she is a cat and in the wild, if a kitten plays too rough with her mommy, mommy is gonna hiss and smack her in the face.

Edit: Forgot to add -- when you say 'NO' to the kitty, make sure it's a long drawn out 'no' as in "NNNOOOOOO". Try to make it sound like how it's like when two cats confront each other before they fight. Glaring at her without blinking your eyes also helps.

Best of luck

[edit on 15-2-2008 by Beachcoma]

reply to post by Beachcoma


I read you loud and clear beachcoma and thank you for your reply

I have tried it, she doesn't listen, it's like she goes into a trance or something and she simply must bite - and not stop. I have tried to not touch her when she is bad but she attacks so I have even tried holding her up and away from me but she will go psycho trying to get a grip on my hand or arm. She gets weird sometimes, like she is possessed. I joke about her needing blood lol but it's starting to get to me.

A few things we have tried that have worked for a little while then to no avail are loud, firm NO's as well as a single loud clap and I read that if you even hiss at them, as a cat would, imitating how her mother would react to her can be effective so I was hissing at her when she was bad. lol funny but effective - for about a week

Thing is, I don't think she was with her mommy long enough. I had to show her how to do almost everything so I know she just hasn't been socialized and have been pondering getting her a little brother. Part of me thinks it will help and the other tells me it's too late and will just be a nightmare trying to introduce a new kitten at this stage - even if he is her age.

I appreciate the replies
I will keep putting these things in rotation in the hope it will have a good outcome

Rotating strategies might not be a good idea. It has a potential to confuse the kitty. Keeping it consistent will imprint it into her mind.

I practically grew up with cats and it's only for the last two years that I haven't had one. There are all sorts of quirks in their behaviour, but the one constant is that they all instinctively know how other cats behave with each other. So adjusting your own behaviour to emulate a mother cat will actually work.

As for getting here a playmate, if she's only five months old, then you should get it quick. Once she's reached 9 months it may be too late. I've even had a situation in which I got a 6 month old cat a playmate and they just didn't get along at all -- the new one ran away. But that might've been because the new cat was close to sexual maturity and was already established in the previous owner's home.

reply to post by ImJaded


Cats are like people. They can all have very different personalities. I have owned several cats and some just turn out the way you describe.

I would just leave it alone and let it decide when it is time to play, and or snuggle. Do reprimand it though, if the play or cuddle time it initiates turns into what you have described, the way Beachoma recommended. You might even want to consider locking it up in the bathroom or a portable kennel also when it miss behaves, as it might equate the confinement with being bad. Sometimes spaying a cat will get it to calm down a little bit.

Another thing about cats? They take a message and get back to you later a lot of times. They get easily distracted!

reply to post by ImJaded

Originally posted by ImJaded
Any ideas are welcome

Well ImJaded, looking to the picture of your attacker I wander, do you ask this in a serious way.
But I assume you do, so I tell you a story of my wife about an in a way same experience with our then much older female cat Laila, who we must now almost two weeks ago put to sleep forever, because she had cancer, and that was absolute not easy.

We had this very dear and lovely cat for a few years, but at a certain moment she becomes very aggressive toward my wife.
Because of that behaviour we almost came to the point to let her go, to put her to sleep I mean.
But on the last moment and speaking with the vet about her behaviour, we agree to give it another try.
It seems to the vet that her behaviour was in reality, that she looking pure for help by my wife because she was very afraid of something we really never have known.
We had no idea what it was, but at the end, this is what the solution was and therefore I tell you this story. When it happened again, my wife doesn’t run away and hide anymore, she stay put and try to look as if she was not afraid of Laila, and see what happens.
That was the solution, and we had her fore many years, until two weeks ago.
Your kitten is very young, and I wander if she had a mother who was in reality a wild cat, because that is total another matter as you also know of course.
My advise is, give her space, let her come to you and give her time.
I hope you will succeed and have many years of joy with her.

Good points made.
I will refrain from mixing it up and see how avoiding her works, allowing her to initiate play time/affection etc .... I hope that works.

I don't want to fuss over her and spoil her but I don't want to just ignore her either. I took her in for the company mainly, gee lol

EnthralledFan, I have tried time out, put her in the laundry a few times. The laundry door in this apartment is a sliding style door and she has already learnt how to jump at it so it opens lol She is smart, I'll give her that and she can be soooooo funny she cracks me up. Just wonder what's up with the trance-like psycho modes she goes into. I'm worried she may have had some traumatic experiences when she was out on the streets and feels she has to constantly defend herself.

I guess letting her be for the most part is for the best.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the suggestions, has helped alot


[edit on 15-2-2008 by ImJaded]

reply to post by spacevisitor


I am so very sorry for the loss of your little one, I can't imagine how hard that must be. Breaks my heart to hear of sick animals. I am glad to hear you stuck it out and had many wonderful years with her

I am not quite sure what you meant by asking if I am asking for help in a serious way ? Don't let her picture fool you! If you mean she looks like she wouldn't hurt a fly that is lol She is a bit bigger than that picture now and gets very feisty.

That is a very interesting story about your wife and Laila. So by me ignoring her I could very well be aggravating the situation ? VERY interesting and I am grateful to have this information also, seems everywhere I went for help on this said to simply get up and walk off to teach her what she is doing is wrong.
I didn't realize that this could maybe backfire.

Was Laila attacking your wife ? My husband and I felt at one time she just had it out for me, perhaps because I was female - she never gets very rough with my husband, just nips at his toes and the like ... and so we were thinking of finding her a new family at one stage but we want to stick it out, we love her

reply to post by ImJaded

Originally posted by ImJaded
I am not quite sure what you meant by asking if I am asking for help in a serious way ?
Don't let her picture fool you! If you mean she looks like she wouldn't hurt a fly that is lol She is a bit bigger than that picture now and gets very feisty.

Hi ImJaded, thanks for your very kind words.
And it was indeed the picture of that little one that let make me that remark, but if I really thought you wasn’t serious, I never answered your question.

Originally posted by ImJaded
Was Laila attacking your wife ? My husband and I felt at one time she just had it out for me, perhaps because I was female - she never gets very rough with my husband,

Laila attacked only my wife, and she never gets very rough with me, so that it the same as by you and your husband.
Amazing isn’t it?


[edit on 15/2/08 by spacevisitor]

reply to post by spacevisitor


Ok I see, and that is pretty much what we are dealing with here too.
I would love to take her to an animal behaviorist unfortunately that is just not feasible while we are here in Japan. Perhaps at our next destination

So far, so good today. She is in a good mood and has been behaving. She brought her favorite mouse to me to play and so we played without incident.

I want to thank you all again for the suggestions and advice, I appreciate it muchly
Love hearing people's stories about their pets

Unlike dogs cats don't take orders haha.

But you can make a cat WANT to do stuff.

For example a cat that never comes on your lap, if you put the cat on your lap everyday, give it attention, it will jump off every time, but within time, maybe even a long time, they will come to you themselves because they decided they want the attention! they realised they like coming on you lap!

Cats are complicated lol. I got 3 cats, and they are great! 1 is the mother and 2 is her sons haha.

I had the mother first, but guess what she was pregnant oopsy! and she had 9 kittens (1 died)

I'm glad for that thou, because her 2 sons are the best! so sweet and cute even at 2 years old they look like giant kittens lol.



[edit on 16-2-2008 by _Phoenix_]

Cats make wonderful members of anyone family's. I've always had at least one. Shortly after I met my wife, she invited me over to her house. She warned me about the cat. I was told that the cat was very protective of her and would snarl and attack anyone who came near her. Once at her house I went straight up to the cat, who was sitting on the back of a recliner. He was hissing at me and showing his fangs and everything else to make him look tough. Once we were nose to nose I explained to the cat that his act was just that, an act. He was not longer the biggest, meanest s.o.b. in this house, so get over it. He backed down immeadiately and we were best buddies for the rest of his life.

See, it's just a matter of letting the little one know who is boss. One thing I suggest you try is to get the little critter a scratching post of some sort. When I introduce a new item into my cats life I always rub some cat nib into the object. This way the think it's the greatest thing in the world and it's theirs. I'd rather a cat scratch the post than me anyday. She'll use it to let out some of her hostile nature she learned from being away from her mom at such a young age.

As to getting the cat a buddy. I'd say no. She may turn worse if she sees the other kitty getting the attention she thinks she should be getting. Cats are like people anyway. Stick two of them in one house and you never know if they will get along. I've seen this happen with about 20% of the cats I've had. I've had to give at few away because they weren't a good match for the other.

Originally posted by Sanity Lost

As to getting the cat a buddy. I'd say no. She may turn worse if she sees the other kitty getting the attention she thinks she should be getting. Cats are like people anyway. Stick two of them in one house and you never know if they will get along. I've seen this happen with about 20% of the cats I've had. I've had to give at few away because they weren't a good match for the other.

Yeah if you want a good cat couple, it's best to get a new cat when they are both young kittens, or keep two kittens who are brothers like I have.

Ok, when I had a kitty and he scratch me Iwould hold his paw's down and whip them with my hand. After a few times of that he never, ever brought his claws out against me again. It may be a little mean but it worked.

Pebbles was the same way when she first came to live with us as a kitten...



Didn't bother me, but really aggravated the wife...

I just really really smothered her with love.... Every time she would bite or act up, I picked her up and held her real close so she could not bite or scratch...

She is now the single most loving cat we have... She follows me all through the house like a dog...

My wife would just say NO and put her down when she got the least arrgessive and that helped too..

Semper

I had to re home a troubled cat once. I was not in a position to keep it for any length of time, but turfing it out it that particular neighbour hood where a work colleges sister lived was not an option.. The local kids would kill it for sport if it hung round more than a couple days.

I got on fine with her, I lived in a really shabby flat at the time with random furniture left by a string of prev occupants so I was not too concerned is she played up - I just gave here space, food and freedom to come and go (even though it was a new area with pubs and heavy traffic - only kept her in first 3-4 days.. Figured where she had come from she must already have street smarts!) she was fine, came back constantly, knew which side her bread was buttered on.

Thing is I never intended to keep her, not in the work / living circumstances I was in, I was just lodging her on an open ended basis. My land lord (also my boss) got to hear about her cos some one else living there had asked and been refused permission to keep a cat in the past (I never asked.. If you don't ask who can say no!) she spitefully kicked up a stink about it, her friends accused me of not being able to handle the cat properly, it was arranged to go somewhere else - with nice new furniture!! ha ha, the cat was soon moved on again, and again.

I wish I had been in a better position to keep her, but alas I wasn't... These girls who took her on after me had no idea what they were taking on, this cat looked like butter wouldn't melt, they assumed because I didn't mollycoddle her to death I was neglecting her. The cat chose to stay, cats choose people if there is any choice in the matter. And I believe that that cat was prob at it's best behaved while it was with me - well, that was some years ago now, if the cat is still around I expect she would of matured.

Thanks for the replies everyone, I understand that cats choose us and how they will behave with each person.

She is curled up on my lap right now, the last couple of days I have noticed her coming to me more, she will come to fall asleep on my lap now and follows me around a lot

I think she knows I have been talking about her lol

But I have been adjusting my attitude towards her and I think she likes it so a huge thank you to everyone, your stories and advice have helped me understand it's not just her behavior but mine also.