wanna know something crazy?

This is crazy, the most selfishless thing you can do is make yourself the most important person in your life. The most selfishless thing you can do is make sure everything in your own life is how you want it to be, everyone else comes second.

Think about it

If you can be completely comfortable and happy with yourself you're not only doing yourself a favor but you're doing everyone you interact with a favor.
I don't know it's crazy but it makes perfect sense to me.

I was just reminding myself of this today. Crazy, but I never seem to remember me...

I was thinking about this alot and stuff lately.

I think to myself...why can't I always be happy....When things happen, car breaks down...lost money...whatever, why can't i look at these situations as part of human existance and not only appreciate that but enjoy that

see once we can learn to enjoy every single aspect of life to at least a certain degree(i know there could be questionable situations)we will change everyone around us...

thats how i really feel and what i hope to achieve

[edit on 12-2-2008 by Roland Deschain]

this is more of psychological topic then a faith, spirituality and theology topic...

i didn't have any of those words in mind when i posted this


ooooooo well

Originally posted by Roland Deschain
If you can be completely comfortable and happy with yourself you're not only doing yourself a favor but you're doing everyone you interact with a favor.
I don't know it's crazy but it makes perfect sense to me.

I can see where you are coming from. I tend to think of it as not so much self-less-ness but rather a loss of self-orientation. It is what sometimes is referred to as 'detachment' - in Eastern religions/philosophies. I think that word causes misunderstanding.

Then again, this is a difficult concept to verbalize. It's like trying to draw a picture of nothing. If you can dig it.

The Magghima Nikâya Suttas (Buddhism) declare there are 10 ‘fetters’ which a pilgrim on the Noble Path (to Nirvana) must break free from.

They are:

The delusion of self
Doubt
Reliance on the efficacy of rites and ceremonies
The bodily lusts or passions
Hatred, ill-feeling
Desire for a future life in the worlds of form
Desire for a future life in the formless worlds
Pride
Self-righteousness
Ignorance


Is this relevant to what you were originally thinking about?

That list is correct queen except the desire for future life which God wants us to hope for, eternal life, no more suffering, pain, or anything like that......


Now to the original poster... Thats all good, your post, and God wants us to be happy with ourselves aswe are, and not live in fear and guilt but love..

But some things may contradict themselves down the road..

(we) should come last, and everybody first....

If there was a soda left in the ridge, and me and afreind went to get it, I got there first, yet the thing that would please me would be to drink it...

But complete unselfishness says that I should split it half and half..... and I therefore put others first below self...

others first, self last....


peace.

reply to post by queenannie38


you're right, it is a tough thing to verbalize or convey.. i did the best i could I'm glad you understand.

@JesusisTruth

In responce to your soda scenario, if I got to the soda before my friend I would still offer to split it with him..

But what I would like to do is give him all of the soda because watching him enjoy that soda could be just as gratifying and as enjoying as if I had drank the soda.

Provocative thread, Roland. It certainly seems one cannot be of assistance to others unless they are happy with themselves first. But I do tend to agree with the "dangers" of looking out for "number one."

Has anyone ever seen an interview of "The Living Barbie Doll?" Every time she is interviewed it is never anything but, "I, I, I. Me, Me, Me. Myself, Myself, Myself." She has spent the last few decades of her life getting cosmetic surgery to look like the living Barbie Doll, abandoned her family to move to London in pursuit of "the glamorous life," didn't attend her father's funeral but enjoyed using her inheritance for cosmetic surgery, etc. And she still admits she is not happy and has severe emotional problems and feelings of inadequacy.

What has she done for her fellow human beings? Nothing. In spite of her surgically created beauty and frivolous me-first lifestyle she is still going to be a rotting corpse in a coffin one day. Her legacy will be "the woman who spent a million to look like a doll."

It's just my neurosis, I will admit, but looking out for others seems so much more rewarding and it seems the 'me first attitude' is spreading more in the world today and is the source of many problems. Yes, we need to make ourselves happy, too, and take joy in the small things while tossing off the minor problems like you mention. But saying my happiness comes first then everyone else' does seem selfish in my opinion. Families are torn apart for such philosophies.

Originally posted by JesusisTruth

That list is correct queen except the desire for future life which God wants us to hope for, eternal life, no more suffering, pain, or anything like that......

I don't think you understand what I was posting. I was quoting out of a text that was written concerning Buddhism.

So maybe it does not agree with what YOU believe...but it IS correct...meaning that someone else wrote it and I quoted it exactly as they wrote it.

It was not MY OPINION. It was a quote from a book.

Originally posted by Roland Deschain
This is crazy, the most selfishless thing you can do is make yourself the most important person in your life. The most selfishless thing you can do is make sure everything in your own life is how you want it to be, everyone else comes second.

Think about it

If you can be completely comfortable and happy with yourself you're not only doing yourself a favor but you're doing everyone you interact with a favor.
I don't know it's crazy but it makes perfect sense to me.

It's not selfishless, it's entierly selfish. But there's nothing wrong with this mindset at all. You can still act entierly "moral" while applying this philosophy.

You are the most important person in your life, it cannot be any other way no matter how you twist and turn it. You make all your observations and you percieve everything from your own point of view. Thus you must be the most important person in your life.

reply to post by AshleyD


Ashley, thank you for the extensive reply. I was expecting a responce like yours. I'm glad you posted .

Anyways, in responce to your post, this women is obviously missing something in her life. She is selfish, she relies on materialism to make herself happy. You bring up a good point but that's not really what I'm trying to say in my OP. Things like materialism are signs of weakness or signs of over compensation. I think People like this "Barbie Doll" are trying to make up for something they lack in their lives.

Ashley, do you think it's fair to say there is a selfish way of making yourself your top priority and there is a way to do it that is completely selfishless?

There is a certain way to go about this.

Again, I appreciate your responce



[edit on 13-2-2008 by Roland Deschain]

Originally posted by Roland Deschain
Ashley, do you think it's fair to say there is a selfish way of making yourself your top priority and there is a way to do it that is completely selfishless?

Absolutely. We can go the total opposite of the "Barbie Doll Woman" example and look at people like mothers who completely live their life through their husbands and children and who never do anything for themselves. Or the person who takes care of their infirm love one 24 hours a day without ever having some time off. No matter how sweet of a gesture it is, everyone needs some "me time" because resentment can build up if you don.'t

I definitely agree with you that we cannot be happy in life if we go through it being disgruntled or not likely ourselves first. But there is also immense joy in caring about someone else above ourselves. I guess we can see it both ways.

i found a quote that is pretty relevant to this thread

"If you Love the life you live... you will live a life of love"

this isn't crazy at all

you don't have to be selfish though, just kind of distanced from people until you are happy, why let them in on the crap in your life when that basically puts negative thoughts and feelings in their heads when they find out?

this is a big reason i am not looking for any serious relationships right now

if i am not happy, how can i expect someone else to be happy when they are with an unhappy person? freedom = happiness to me, complete freedom to do what i want when i want how i want so i can feel w/e i want when i need to feel it, i need a certain amount of freedom to be happy, sometimes i can't always have that freedom, the freedom to blow $50 on pizza and wings when i crave pizza and wings is an example

why do i want someone else to have to deal with my crap? (no matter what it is, if it's bad/negative/not nice)

not crazy at all, and not even selfish really, you are only doing yourself, others and the world good when you fulfill your potential and give your best each day with a smile on your face and a true love for living

you don't have to be a prick to make yourself happy first

but at the same time, jealousy and greed is what you are all leaving out

my best friend said this about me once and i think it is relevant here

he said one of the biggest reasons you are my friend is that if i ever have something you want you won't think "why does he get that? why does he have that? why can't i have that? i have done this or been through this it's not fair he gets that when i should have it"

well i don't think that way because i don't need to, anything he will have in his life i feel that i can have too if i work hard

you don't need to be a greedy jealous prick to take care of yourself first

if a soda pop makes you truely happy...you're probably overweight and a sad person to begin with, so you need to put the soda down and spend some time making yourself happy so that when you are at the grocery store, you aren't harassing the 16 year old girl making min wage when she rings something in wrong

i have seen old people in mcdonalds be very rude to teenagers when they get orders wrong at 7 am

well wtf is their problem? they are a teenage kid waking up at 6 am to go into work and they come to work to deal with old people who get angry over 40 cents lol

that's so negative in so many ways and effects so many people 12 hours later in the pm

when that teen gets home they will tell their parents and friends about what a prick this old person was over 40 cents and the 30 seconds it took to correct the order, and now more people have negative garbage in their heads because that old person is a sour apple

you can be selfish and not jealous or greedy, you can make yourself happy without having to bother others, con them, steal from them, talk down to them, be mean to them

it's not crazy at all, and if everyone did spend time to make themselves happy the world would literally be a happier place, with happier people

think about how many people any of you have ever told your dreams to things like "i want to be a rock star" "i want to play in the NFL" and they have told you you won't do it, you can't do it, how hard it will be

that's THEIR negative crap, just cause they can't see themselves doing it, they think you can't

when i have kids every school year i am going to tell the teacher "if you EVER tell my child they can't do something, they won't do something, or limit their creativity...i am going to jail"

i don't need some 50 year old divorcee's garbage in my kids head, if that teacher would have left their crap at home my kid wouldn't be coming home with it every day

it's not crazy at all, but you don't need to be a greedy jelous person to make yourself happy so you are...you don't even have to be pleasant to be around, you just don't have be a drag and a negative nancy bringing others down to your level

not crazy at all if you want to make yourself happy first because you realize you can't make others happy when you aren't or you aren't nice to be around

Originally posted by OSSkyWatcher
this isn't crazy at all

you don't have to be selfish though, just kind of distanced from people until you are happy, why let them in on the crap in your life when that basically puts negative thoughts and feelings in their heads when they find out?

Exactly. To much distance can be a bad thing though. But I do agree, a side from my immediate family and a few friends I guess I'm a pretty 'distant' person.

this is a big reason i am not looking for any serious relationships right now

if i am not happy, how can i expect someone else to be happy when they are with an unhappy person? freedom = happiness to me, complete freedom to do what i want when i want how i want so i can feel w/e i want when i need to feel it, i need a certain amount of freedom to be happy, sometimes i can't always have that freedom, the freedom to blow $50 on pizza and wings when i crave pizza and wings is an example

why do i want someone else to have to deal with my crap? (no matter what it is, if it's bad/negative/not nice)

Wow you're beginning to sound a lot like me here. I too have been out of the 'game' or w/e for quite some time. I'm way more interested in myself, I don't have the time to commit to another person like that.

not crazy at all, and not even selfish really, you are only doing yourself, others and the world good when you fulfill your potential and give your best each day with a smile on your face and a true love for living



you can be selfish and not jealous or greedy, you can make yourself happy without having to bother others, con them, steal from them, talk down to them, be mean to them

Well put

great post skywatcher, I appreciate it

[edit on 4-3-2008 by Roland Deschain]

I think the term you're looking for is:

Self-Actualization.

From A Theory of Human Motivation

Abraham Maslow explicitly defines self-actualization to be “the desire for self-fulfillment, namely the tendency for him [the individual] to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming.”

If a person is still struggling with primitive needs and is unfulfilled and not in a stable existence, he is less likely to be able to contribute to the flow, or to others.

If you are stable and happy, then you don't need to dive for the last drink in the fridge.

So work on yourself and not be caught up in self-hatred or in looking around and criticizing others. Then you'll be more capable of being positive and will have more resources from which to contribute.

Of course you know the Ayn Rand philosophy, The Virtue of Selfishness She redefines it as a positive trait and not a negative thing.

Wiki

People that have reached self actualization are characterized by certain behaviors. Common traits amongst people that have reached self actualization are as follows: [6]

* They embrace reality and facts rather than denying truth.
* They are spontaneous.
* They are interested in solving problems which may include personal problems or the emotional conflicts of others.
* They are accepting of themselves and others and lack prejudice.

2 cents.

Originally posted by Badge01


Of course you know the Ayn Rand philosophy, The Virtue of Selfishness She redefines it as a positive trait and not a negative thing.

Actually I'm completely unaware of this but I'll check it now.. Thanks for the informative post... Self-Actualization, never heard it... I like it... Thanks badge.