I love you, but I don't want to be with you?

*is directed at said girl*

It's one or the other woman, you can't have both at the same time!

*is directed at ST*

You should probably let her know that, and make her decide. There is no mid-way point, only one choice and if she can't make that decision, make it for her and run away.

Secret Titan, my old buddy,

Show her what she is doing. She is keeping you around because she is scared to move forward without anyone. If she were to have another man on the side already she would dump you in a heartbeat, and when she does find another man she will do this to you, thus causing you more pain, discomfort and confusion. You have to tell her everything that she is doing, letting her know that you know what she is going through, then tell her what is going to happen... and you two must part ways. She doesn't know what love is... I'd bet money that she has abandonment issues; either her Father was never there or a b/f in the past did something really bad to her, but as much as you may care, you can't be caught up in her sadness. Misery needs company... and that's all she's seeking. If you are an empath you're going to begin feeling the same things until she drops all of her depression onto you and then moves on. Whereas you'll be thinking that you're actually doing something nice for her, she's just taking care of herself and doesn't really care about you... sorry, that's just the way it is.

If she really cared about you and knew what love was and was capable of being trusted with love, she would be able to suppress her emotional impulses... she would not have kissed you... instead she would have put patience at the forefront.

Her actions are reactions of fear and desparation.

Take it easy my man! You DO deserve better

[edit on 10-2-2008 by LastOutfiniteVoiceEternal]

Secret Titan ... so much genuine advice has been offered here.

But you can't hear it, can you ?

You've nowhere near accepted it's over, from the sound of it.

Most of us have been where you are. Others of us have been like your ex-girl-friend.

It's because you're both young .. if not chronologically, then certainly young in experience.

She's gone. You don't want it to be over. She's discovered she can have her cake and eat it too. That's because you've encouraged her to believe that. So no-one can blame her, because you've laid it out on a platter. And you've done that because you believe there's still hope.

One of the painful facts of life is this : just because you love someone doesn't mean they're going to love you back.

Maybe when you were a kid you had a toy that you used to really like .. but then you stopped liking it as much and then it just sat on a shelf.

It was still there ... just in *case* you might want to play with it again.

Then one day, some other kid wanted to play with it. Or perhaps your mother told you she was going to give it to some other kid.

Being an immature little kid, you suddenly decided you didn't want any other kid having your toy. You claimed you *might* want to play with it at some future time. It was *yours* and you'd be damned if some other kid was going to have it.

YOU are that toy. She doesn't want you. But she doesn't want any other kid to play with you.

So ....... you happy to sit unwanted and unloved on the shelf .... just in case ? While she plays with her *new* toys ?

The great kiss she gave you was a way of putting you on a leash .. on that shelf. Her way of keeping YOU interested in her. Just in case she might need you somewhere down the line.

Plus it's so good for the EGO to have some guy crazy about you !
All it costs is a kiss ! Cheap at half the price !

You can now spend five or six years sitting on the shelf .. being kept on the leash via a great kiss every few weeks or months.

Or you can accept reality and move on.

But ..if you DO become involved with someone else .. make it someone you genuinely care about, huh ? For your sake AND the new girl's.

Don't get involved with another girl simply to make the first one jealous.

That would be really childish, not to mention cruel and stupid.

I know the truth hurts. Sorry about that .. really. But what you're going through is a simple rite of passage. Almost everyone has to go through it.

So if you're happy to be the 'fall back' guy (the unloved toy waiting patiently on the shelf for someone who is never going to really love it again) then *accept* that's all you are .. and don't expect more. Accept your lot and just sit on that shelf and wait and don't complain.

If you're NOT happy with that situation ... then get OFF that shelf, walk away and get on with your life and do NOT even consider turning around. Because if you do .. you'll very soon find yourself back on that shelf again.

Originally posted by Jovi1
Run and quickly, this is just a mind trip. Some people like to do this kind of thing. Its called keeping your options open. Go out and enjoy the other women you already rode this ride nothing new here. The easiest way out of this mess is to just not play the game and masonica has no idea what he is really talking about, whiny nice guys kill me because they just don't get it.

I have plenty of clues what I am talking about, and I am far from whiny, and I save being nice for those who DESERVE it.I don't put myself in positions like the original poster is in because I don't allow myself to be used, and I don't allow people to have power over me.But hey if you like having your resources drained by an emotional/psychic vampire and sit around mindscrewed wasting your time and energy trying to figure things out go ahead.For me, life is too short for crap like that.If someone wants to join me its cool, but if they want off the ride they want off, and I don't sit around waiting for anyone.There is always one out there that is smarter,hotter,or more interesting,then the one you are with, and there is definately one out there that is more considerate and emotionally stable than the orignal poster's girl.

I can definately clue you on what is going on....

It happened to me 12 years ago. I was 18 and my fiance` was 20. We had been together for only 18 months and me being blinded by the fact that nothing could ever go wrong and everything is just "perfect", I was so wrong...

I was so wrapt up in the fact that I was "inlove" with him that I missed the subtle little clues that when I look back on it presented itself all the time...

Towards the end I also received the same statement that you got.. "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore"... I was like what the "****"! does that mean... And for a long time was clueless myself.. Until I worked it out that he would always "love" me for everything we shared and for everything that we had, (BUT) it wasn't enough to be able to sustain him for the long term...

Anyway, present day (his loss) I am now married (7years on) and have a beautiful 4 year old daughter.

I believe that the day you a born that your destiny or fate (whatever you want to call it), is already mapped out for you... We are just pawns in someone/something's long and boring chess game... and just sometimes we suffer checkmate.

Ok this song say's it all. Yeah, it's country from Tammy Wynette. But, this is why us girls call's you men back.

man i went threw the smae thing the kiss the i love you but dont want to be with you tears sobbing and weaping i dont get it.
she said she never had feeling for another man like she did for me and she cried she sobbed like a little girl she gave me three huge kisses at the end of the night but she also said i would never want ot marry you and i dont want a realtionship with you, etc. i want to belive she loves me still maybe its true maybe its not but it wont work theres no dealing with people like this, love is a dangerous game and you proably are hurt and you will hurt for a long time, as will i and recovery never is 100 percent but you do learn and grow stronger hopefully.
im sorry for what your going threw cause i had the same deal, but im happy im not the only one.

dude this girls got some other dude thats why she cant pick, if i were you i'd be doing her and someone else at the same time just to balance it out

I truly wish people wouldn't play games with others hearts. It can be so painful that it's tough to function. I being a nice guy have gathered a lot of insight from this thread.

reply to post by secret titan


What she means is that she wants to date other guys and not you, but she doesn't want you to date any other women because she thinks she may want to get back with you in the future. If you did go out with another woman and she knew about it she wouldn't be able to get it out of her head long enough for your relationship to get rekindled.

She is one of those really crazy broads. I would suggest date other women because broads like her are not marriage material.

Women:

Can't live with them.......can't live with them.

As a guy I have used this little line more times than I care to admit. When I said it, I was hoping to avoid hysterics. Sounds like she wants to start some. Why don't you just ask her what she's trying to do? It sounds like she's playing games and the best way to counteract this is to be direct. I would say she sounds like bad news, but I don't know either of you. Good luck, just don't let her keep you as a standby.

reply to post by secret titan


girls are whores, most jus dnt want the comitment, as thy like bein with mor than 1 guy at a time

slightly biased view, we'v al had our bad times, put them past yu, find sum1 btr, u deserve it

I'm a bit of a cynic about these things, but I would say this is classic behaviour of a young lady that doesn't want to be with you but wants you available to boost her ego and make her feel attractive. If she doesn't want to be with you, she has no say in who you are with. If it hurts her to see you with other girls, she can either get back together with you (if you are willing) or grin and bear it.

I agree completely...and personally...run away to somebody else. It seems this gal is just trying to use you and keep you in reserve while she goes for something else (that was the purpose of the goodbye makeout kiss...)...uncool...and immature... Good luck...

easy and simple. Move on!!.. You got to stop communicating with her as she is just pulling you back with her emotional problems. Go out with the boys, meet other girls. Once you've met someone new and interesting it won't take long before she is out of your mind.

Don't let her bring you down and bring back all the emotions that you felt for her. Its over!

The reason you and her broke up was because you guys couldn't fix your problems.

She just wants you there emotionally while she has another guy there for her physically.

I say just simply cut all communication with her and once she contacts you (should she ever) ignore everything. Shes screwing with your head, shes just so happy that a guy likes her and she wants you to stay there.



[edit on 27-9-2009 by Brent08]

reply to post by secret titan


then it sounds like you are both wrong. Those are high school games, trying to make someone jealous.


You move on, you be happy. Don't be the person that ends up a jerk to break up with.

Be the mature person, move on.