reply to post by Novise
Novise .. years ago, a man with whom I worked surprised and shocked me by asking me on a date.
I panicked and didn't handle it too well I'm afraid. Left him in no doubt that I wasn't interested in him that way.
It was awkward and horrible. He was hurt, humiliated and embarrassed though tried to laugh it off. I was angry with him, in a way, for putting me in
that position. Wondered why he'd imagined I would go out with him. And was angry with him for ruining the friendship too, because now I realised it
hadn't been just a friendship as far as he was concerned. So I felt he'd been deceiving me and his 'friendship' just a sham all along.
We'd been good friends, I thought. We'd chatted, joked, made it through some difficult situations, workwise. I'd confided in him on occasion.
He'd never given any indication his interest was more than that .. from my perspective.
I'd certainly never given him any reason to believe I was romantically interested in him. So where had he got the idea I was, I wondered.
Just one of those communication-mix ups. He'd interpreted my friendship as 'interest', obviously. And maybe that's because he wanted to, because
he was interested in me.
When a woman is interested in a man, she lets him know -- she can't help herself. Friendship, conversation, jokes, shared coffee etc. ... isn't
necessarily 'interest'. Women enjoy male friendships .. enjoy platonic relationships. Unfortunately, men often misinterpret this.
Which very possibly is why the girl regarded you as 'weird'... 'weird' meaning you confused her by turning from someone she regarded as a
'friend' into someone who was romantically interested in her.
Now that you have asked her out on a date, at least she knows what your real interest in her is. She's had time to think about it. If she hasn't
let you know that she'd 'interested' in you as other than a friend .. then she's not. And now she's aware of your real feelings, neither of you
will be able to return to 'friendship' level, I'm sorry to say. Because she'll always be worried that you might misinterpret her laughter or
conversation or touch on the arm to mean more than she intends.
There's loads of information online or in books, describing gestures women make when they're interested in a man: twirling hair while they're
talking to him ... looking up at him from beneath their eyelashes .. laughing at even the corniest things he says ... stroking their own arms while
they're talking to him .. flirtatious glances and comments, etc. etc. I know it sounds corny, but these are apparently universal female gestures of
sexual interest. If the girl was sending you these messages while claiming 'just friendship' then she's seriously confused. But it's more likely
that you misinterpreted her behaviour because you were interested in her. It's a common mistake. Women are hard to read. Even men in their 60's
find women hard to understand at times. So don't be hard on yourself.
Just go on being yourself because you sound the sort of person who'd be a great friend. And sooner rather than later, you'll meet a girl who'll
make it clear she wants to be more than your friend :-)