The Lost Chapter of The Book of Revelations

And it came to pass in the year of our lord nineteen hundred and seventy-five on the ninth day of December the lord awoke with a heavy head and swollen eyes. Spoke unto the angels

"Oh my crown doth weigh heavy and my eyes burn with the wrath of the heavenly drink and much celebration of the evening of last. Tell me my heavenly hosts what transpired during the course of the festivities so that I might know of the joy and love that I have shared."

And the angels spoke shakily saying in fear and terror to the lord thy god "thou hast released a terrible burden upon the earth our lord. We in our inebriation had thought it be merry at the time of your utterance but lo unto the earth the mighty torment that hath befallen it's face."

And the lord spoke unto the angels "Fear not my wrath for all is well in heaven and much merriment has been gifted unto you during the celebration surely not a deed which I hath done could cause the earth such misery."

And Gabriel saith unto the lord. "Neigh I say unto thee my god thou has done a terrible deed and the earth and all of its children shall reap the heartache and sorrow of thine unfortunate drunken wisdom."

And the lord reaching for two holy aspirin and his blessed coffee spoke to Gabriel saying "Surely I the one that is three, the one that blessed mankind with life and free will has not wrought my wrath upon them?"

"Yes my lord" Gabriel spoke. "The evil that has befallen the earth last night shall render much suffering."

The lord thy god spoke unto the angels with concern. "What hath I done, sent the four horsemen unto the earth?"

"No" sayest Gabriel "that I am certain would be a blessing unto man compared to the horror that has befallen them this night."

and the lord asked unto the angels, "Was it a flood or perhaps plagues?"

The angels sung in choir "No my lord the fate that has befallen the earth is much worse."

And the lord sat upon his throne with his head swollen from drink and pounding with his righteous wrath asked unto the angels for what terror has befallen the earth that it has my heavenly hosts and angels in such fear?

Then just as the lord thy god partook of the heavenly coffee the angels uttered in unison with quieted tones Thou has released What U KNO upon the land.

And the lord spat out the heavenly coffee and proclaimed in amazement.

"Me dammit!"

Duh, I'm kinda slow and didn't understand this joke, really. Someone throw me a hint.

Sorry you didn't understand the joke, it could only mean it's just not that good of a joke. I was trying to say that god got drunk one night and let me out on the earth like it was a terrible thing. and the punch line is "Me Dammit" like when people say "G** Dammit".

Ill try and do better

OH! OKAY! I get it now, along with a slight chuckle. Gosh, darn it!

reply to post by whatukno

I gotta say that is one huge joke for one tiny punchline which IMHO isn't that funny.
If you wrote it yourself you should consider shortening it. I skipped to the end and still got the joke. You may as well just say;
"What does God say when he makes a mistake?"

I figured out that you were released upon the earth by a drunken, anthropomorphic god, but the "me dammit" escaped me.

I'm not fond of this type of humor, but you have an interest in telling tales and you show an ability to drive a narrative, so why don't you join the Collaborative Writing forum where you can work with others and develop your talent.

PS Poking fun at certain religions can be hazardous to one's health. Just a word of caution.

Thanks everyone for the feedback constructive criticism acknowledged and appreciated. It was more in line with self deprecating humor than to make fun of a certain religion.

I would like to check out the Collaborative Writing Forum. Sounds like fun to me.