It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

I need some advice......

page: 1
1

log in

join
share:

posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 09:46 AM
link   
Me and my man have been together for 6 1/2 years now.
We have nothing in common, and we usually fight alot. I love him to death, but i wonder if the relationship will EVER go anywhere.
We were engagged at one point, but got into a big fight, and now we don't talk about it anymore.
When we arn't fighting, we are great together, but the fighting happens more than the great.
I guess my question would be, is this worth all the aggrivation?




posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 09:53 AM
link   
Why don't you go see a professional therapist and find out why you are fighting all the time? If I had followed my own advice, I probably would still be married to my first wife and living the good life.

Relationship counselors really do help!

Fighting builds resentments and resentments kill love.



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 09:56 AM
link   
that is a good idea, and i don't know why i didn't think of that.
What if he wont go to counselors?
He's studding to be a counselor.



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 09:57 AM
link   
Dump him, it's tome to cut your losses and move on, treat the relationship like you would stock thats loseing you money, get rid off it!



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 11:49 AM
link   

Originally posted by missa_wiccan_chick

What if he wont go to counselors?
He's studding to be a counselor.



If he can't see the value in the profession he is studying for, then perhaps your relationship may have other aspects that need addressing like drugs or alcohol.

If he is at the University, there is a program called AGORA that is specifically designed to address mental/relationship/substance issues.
It's free for students and usually the counselers are top notch.
If you make the first move, out of love, perhaps he will follow your lead if he loves you. Otherwise, dump him!



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 12:49 PM
link   
One thing wrong with your theory...There isn't a drug/alcohol problem in the relationship.
I would have left him if that was the case. Been there, done that, and should have a tee-shirt made.



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 02:16 PM
link   
reply to post by missa_wiccan_chick
 



personally if we fought a 'lot' like you say i would cut my losses and be gone. i mean, 6.5 years is nothing to sneeze at but if you don't get along that what is it all for.
do you want to leave him? can you leave him?
i was never big on dating and having relationships. i mean, i am married now but if i was not, i would not have a live in or a casual girlfriend...i would just as soon be alone, which i was for a long time....

if you don't see the relationship progressing, then what are you there for?
fighting a lot is not good. i mean, people fight and all that but if it is happening a lot like you say, that is not healthy



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 02:36 PM
link   
I agree 100% with Boondock.
Fights always happen in realationships but there comes a time when you need to step out of the ring and stop fighting. Too much is too much, simple as that.
That's what ended my first marriage. We were young and still living with our parents. We asumed there was love involved somewhere but that was a lie. We just used the excuse to get out from under our parents wings to get out on our own.



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 02:38 PM
link   
if you guys fight a lot and it has been going on for some time now, it is not a healthy relationship for either of you...before you know it, another 6 years will have passed and you will be wondering where it went.

get on with living and if this situation is not good then make the change



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 05:24 PM
link   
Sounds like your getting close to the 7 year itch. It's not uncommon for you to have issues now. Counciling is a great idea, especially if you love him. Remember, all you really need is love.

I think his studies will encourage him to go that route... but if he does say he doesn't want that, you might want to ask him if he feels your relationship is even worth saving. No point putting in the effort and work, if he doesn't want to at least meet you half way.

I usually recommend to people, new in relationships (in the first few months or year) that if things aren't blissful now (meaning the first year) they only get worse. However, since it sounds to me that this is something that has happened only in the past few months, work it out. I'd hate for you to throw away such a long time investment if you truely love him....



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 09:17 PM
link   
I appreciate all the advice thank you all.
I will speak to him about the counsoling, and see where it goes from there.
It hasn't been all bad, or i wouldn't have stayed this long. It just seems to have progressed in the last few months, Like JessicaS said.
Thank you all again!
You guys are a great help!
Blessed Be and Merry Part
~*Missa*~



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 09:28 PM
link   
The one thing that stood out in my mind...was the fact, that you are BOTH different individuals by nature.

I found it hard to try to give you advice.

For one thing, your mate is already ingaged in the field of 'councelling'. How could I suppose any reccommendations for you both, when your honey will surely counter any remedies?

In other words, "I know how you feel Missa. Talking to your loved one, might be "preaching to the choir?"

It sounds like you are at 'wits end' at this point.

I'm always the one to advocate people 'stay together', but in this circumstance, I highly reccommend a seperation of ways/to some degrees.

Bulls locking horns/butting heads

You seem to be fighting more than LOVING EACH OTHER.

Take this as a sign of future events to come.

Personal ideals have become the 'fore-front' of your relationship. It seems that nothing is gonna change either of your worlds.

It's time to take a step back.

Sounds like there's 'no peace' to be had at this time now.

~Ducky~



[edit on 1-2-2008 by TheDuckster]



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 10:18 PM
link   
Short of soem counseling I am not sure what to suggest here. But with him pursuing that profession I dont really know how helpful it will be to you. Seeing as he will have the excuse of that to not go or trying to mind trip you.



posted on Feb, 1 2008 @ 10:57 PM
link   
Stress is high right now, we are strapped for cash.
2 kids... It's been tough, and i am out of work too. He's bring in all the $$$:shk:
I am gonna go to college here hopefully in the fall. (my youngest will be able to start school...no sitter fee) I guess what I am trying to say is, i think we are both stressed.
And it's not just him starting the fights.... I think before i toss in the towel, Counseling would be worth the effort to try at least. Get a third person view, and if he doesn't want to listen, his loss i guess.



posted on Feb, 2 2008 @ 05:28 AM
link   
Missa, I really feel for you, I can see that the situation is a sticky one.
You need to decide what is your priority.
I read your last thread, and you have two little girls. They are the priority now. They can't be put in the centre of any more fighting.
If you still love this guy, he has to agree to your conditions or he's out. Love him or not he's not worth bringing a new cycle of heart ache upon your beautiful little girls.
Fighting in front of them is breaking thier little hearts. Please don't let this go on. If you need to U2U me im here for you any time.

You have the emotional suport here of many, take them up on this support

wish you all my best, im thinking of you right now! nuts.



posted on Feb, 2 2008 @ 01:30 PM
link   
Hey Missa, I think that your two daughters and you going to school is more important right now than continueing in a relationship where both you and your boyfriend are fighting all of the time. Neither your furure nor your daughters deserve to have all this stress and uncertainty building up over the fact that you and your boyfriend are fighting. Try the counseling first. If that doesn't work, then I'd suggest a seperation of some sort until each of you concentrate on getting yourselves together. In the meantime, let him see his daughters from time to time, and at least keep the lines of communication open with him. This way, both of you can see if the other is making any progress on working on the issues that are keeping the both of you in turmoil. Then the two of you can decide if you've both made enough progress to maybe get back together. Admittedly, there is more going on here than I know about here, but I don't need to know all of the details either.



posted on Feb, 5 2008 @ 01:56 PM
link   
Money is the #1 stressor on relationships over 3 years. If you're having $ issues, and struggling to afford the basics of life (food, shelter, clothes, transportation, toys), I guarantee there's the source of your discontent (and his). This won't be popular advice, but you might want to consider earning some additional $ before resuming your education. If you could supplement his income until he's earning more and in a better position to be the sole wage earner, I think your relationship will stand a better chance of survival, which truly is more important for your children than is generally accepted. dont fight in front of the kids. be mature about it. get counseling. the financial pressure of living paycheck to paycheck can ruin the best relationship. identify your stress and anxiety and don't blame him (hopefully he'll find the wisdom not to blame you as well. but sometimes we have to step up and take the higher road alone - without bitterness. without self-rightousness. without putting the other down. just do it because it is the right thing to do.)
-v



new topics

top topics



 
1

log in

join