Wine Jokes - Oh Goody....... Wine, page 1

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right person to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men… Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

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Dinner Guest

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and

shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this

money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless woman replied.

“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked.

“No, I don’t waste time shopping,” the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time

trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done in
20 years!”

“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take

you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.”

The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that?

I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like

after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine.”

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For Wine Connoiseurs…..

BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS-

Wal-Mart customers will soon be able to sample a new discount item–Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine. The world’s largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2 - $5 range.

While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, “There is a large market for cheap wine,” said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at R. Williams University in Bristol, R.I. “The right name is definitely important.”

So, here we go…The TOP 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine…

12) Chateau Traileur Parc

11) White Trashfindel

10) Big Red Gulp

9) Grape Expectations

8) Domaine Wal-Mart “Merde du Pays”

7) NASCARbernet

6) Chef Boyardeaux

5) Peanut Noir

4) Chateau des Moines

3) I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vinegar!

2) World Championship Riesling

And the # 1 suggested name for Wal-Mart Wine…

1) Nasti Spumante