veteran with a question

I am a U.S. veteran who is searching for some kinda answer to what's been happening to me for over a decade, and whether anyone can tell me I am not alone in this, or an idea to what may be happening.

I was only Army Infantry for three years, stationed in Korea.

I had some problems in the military and later qualified for help by the Veterans Admin.

I have been diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic/manic-depression, for over a decade now. No one wants to hear my struggles or beliefs at the VA.

My condition got worse since 2001.

I am stable and sane on nueroleptic medicine, however, it does not remedy my condition entirely. I still hear voices all the time. They comment on my thoughts and actions. Since I am taking meds, and I still hear voices (which I suspect may actually be interdimensional tech forces monitoring me for whatever reason known, unknown). The meds work to an extent, but really sedate and incapacitate me, making me lethargic, tired, slow in thinking, as they are designed to do. I have tried in the past unsuccessfully to get off the drugs only to relapse and require hospitalization until I could get back on my feet and function again.

I have a thought disorder, and sometimes cant express myself clearly or effectively, so please forgive me if I sound too crazy or inept.

My father was in the Air Force, and I never knew him. I sometimes wonder if this fact has any impact on my situation.

I have heard that the black ops (either et's, or unconventional govt ops) follow certain military families or genetic lines, maybe I am one?

I have met other veterans in the VA system, one in Air Rescue who told me that he was involved in the recovery of a downed ufo in the Baltic or Black Sea region (I cant exactly remember which region), and a Special Forces veteran who told me that the ufo's are real and that some conspiracies are also real. I have also met many veterans who do have serious mental illnesses and most likely experiencing their symptons, and not dealing with para-dimensional forces.

I started researching the whole ufo field in the early nineties, to try and come to grips with what i have been experiencing (and all the strange coincidences). I became more deeply investigative in my research from 2001 to 2005, and then quit (giving away almost all my books, and throwing some away). I have spent 2006-07 mostly with no research. However, I still experience surveillance by invisible inter-dimensional capable forces and I cant tell who they are, govt?, et?, ultra-terrestrials?, or combo?

I literally fit the stereotype of a runner.

I was on the run looking for a place to settle with good vibes, criss crossing the country on a 10,000 mile roadtrip in one months time. I found the New York state and California areas to be most scary and bad vibes. While staying in hotels I could hear people in adjacent rooms talking about me and people outside my door talking in the hallway. While walking down a hallway I heard a voice from a room say, It's a Psy War. One time I heard voices from the nearby hotel room talking and I went outside to the hallway and saw a cleaning woman cleaning the same room, which made me realize the voices I heard were from another parallel dimension. Everywhere I went in the U.S. and even Canada, I would encounter strange events. I eventually returned to live with relatives until my mother died in 2007.

Now, I live in a major U.S. metro area. In a small studio apartment the size of a hotel room. I am grateful to receive a disability pension from the VA, as I know many veterans in need are trying to qualify and deserve it.

One strange event (of many, too many to recount in one post), I was driving on the highway to Reno, NV and this huge white SUV passed me on the mountain road, and it had digital changing license plates!

If anyone at ATS knows what is happening or even if this could be happening (which I attest is), please reply, I may post more

Interesting story kindakeen. Have you looked into remote viewing as an explanation to the voices?

I've read about black op remote viewing by the government but I don't know if there is any validity to it.

Why do you believe these voices to be interdimensional? Have you come across anything in research that leads you to believe this?

Here and here are a couple of threads on ATS about government remote viewing. I have just glanced at them so I am not entirely sure what they contain.

Kindakeen... *snip*
I am a former combat Marine. I was diagnosed Bipolar to fit the profile that I needed to be in.
I get depressed every so often, and I get excited as well.
The simple fact of the matter is... I try not to take any meds.

We should speak... even thought you were in the army, and are essentially a weak-stick.



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[edit on 25-1-2008 by 12m8keall2c]

I suspect you have some kind of damage inside your brain that is causing the rewiring or misfiring of neurons to cause an effect that you are genuinely seeing and hearing things that aren't real. This is common to people who have chemical imbalances in the Brain or others who have endured extreme trauma physical and/or emotional.

Get help my freind, at least you recognise there is a problem as I can assure you this is not a normal experience to hear things other than your own thoughts inside you head. The only caveat to that is the new Bone vibrating technology around that allows sounds to vibrate your skull to a fequency that the ear can hear to transmit sound at a distance.

reply to post by kindakeen


If looking into this stuff helps you integrate your mind and become more at peace, then good. If all of the stuff on this site is going to disintegrate you mind, find a new source of bliss and move on.

From your description, people with symptoms such as yours are usually diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.

Sometimes a dual diagnosis is given, which may be what you have been given, although that is not necessarily clear.

For simplicity, I will use the schizoaffective diagnosis, since based on your post, it is not contraindicated and shares many features with a dual diagnosis.

Schizoaffective disorder is often misdiagnosed because clinicians often don't see the full spectrum of symptoms.

While in your post you admit to some of the symptoms of schizoaffective disorder, including a very significant one, your post is well organized and gets your point across, which would indicate to me that your meds must be doing some good.

There is nothing that you mention that indicates the affective component of schizoaffective disorder, but I will assume that your MDs are aware of their presence and your medications are effective against them, although you admit to some unpleasant side effects.

To me it is encouraging that you could write such a cogent post, but at the same time your hearing running commentaries of your actions is a significant symptom.

You also describe a form of thought projection, which again is a significant symptom of the schizoaffective disorder.

By summarizing the content of your post in clinical terms, I am not attempting to diagnose your condition, but to place your stated symptoms into a meaningful construct.

Despite your diagnosis, your medication side effects, and some troubling symptoms, you seem to exhibit insight into your condition that indicate that your meds are doing some of what they are intended to do.

I would suggest three things.

1. Confide in your MD exactly what you have told our members. In fact, since your post is so well composed and insightful, you could take a copy of this post to your MD as an adjunct to your presentation.

It is important for MDs to hear from the patient how the medications are doing, because that's the only way they can know and also medications work differently with different people.

2. Stop coming to sites like this to seek help for any medical problem. This is not WebMD and even if it was, WebMD is not a substitute for a consultation with your MD.

3. Keep taking your meds. They may need adjustment, but ceasing to take psychotropic medications can have very serious consequences.

I wish you well, kindakeen.

I, too, am a veteran and I have to live with problems of my own that while very different than yours in the most significant areas, also cause me to experience unpleasant symptoms.

Stick with the VA. The VA becomes better at handling your kinds of problems with each passing year and continuity of treatment is essential to living a stable, productive life.


[edit on 2008/1/25 by GradyPhilpott]

[edit on 2008/1/25 by GradyPhilpott]

I just finished reading these replies.

I will try to respond as best I can, without directly responding to each individual member's moniker, and as coherent enough as possible.

Yes, I have the diagnosis of schizoaffective. I have already discussed my situation and some experiences with doctors at the VA. They automatically discredit most of my experiences (which I may go into detail on another post) to symptons of my illness. I have tried almost all the medicines for my illness that are out there, and now I am on the most powerful nueroleptic. I have diabetes as well, a side effect of my med. As someone said, my meds seem to be working and I have relative insight and am stable, as can be seen by the relative coherence of my posts.

I believe I am dealing with interdimensionals (not remote viewing) because the voices seem to always be coming from nearby spaces (like apartments, hotel rooms, across the street while I walk outside). They seldom invade the immediate vicinity of my studio apartment or room in a house where I used to live. I cant see my observers, I can only hear them. I know this is a classic sympton of schizophrenia. It used to be that the meds controlled my voices, maybe my condition is worse now. But it got worse when I started researching alternate theories.

I have read about the mind wars (psy wars) and the experimentation of wavelength thought intrusion and reception using technology classed as non-lethal silent warfare weapons. The webiste Lay Institute (dont know the exact web address but it should come up on a search if anyone is interested) has some articles about the mind wars and consequences of the experiments (increased rates of suicide and accidents).

I have listened to rock music like Pink Floyd and Blue Oyster Cult (song- Veterans of the Psychic Wars) and can relate to these songs (and others).

I have distanced myself from sites such as ATS and others and like I said have got rid of most of my books on conspiracy/ufo fields of study. I do remember alot of what I discovered though. And it has given me enough proof and validation of what I am going thru.

BTW, what does weak-stick mean?

Is it a reference to piloting a jet with a weak stick?

I may only post a few others dealing with some of what I have learned in my studies and some of my bizarre experiences (even if they are labeled as purely schizophrenic). I just want to share some of my story and possibly shed some light on people like me, who struggle out there with secret forces and govt experimentation/projects.

Since I am relatively stable, I dont immediately expect any major trouble here at ATS. I realize this is not a medical reference site, and I am not seeking help here (I am getting help at the VA for the most part), merely trying to elaborate on some of my struggle.

I want to somewhat expose my observers.

Thank you for your time and interest, and for the suggestions.

Hey. I experience voices outside my head, not inside. I move from room to room in my house and the voices move to another room. I feel I have been subjected to experiments by the U.S. Military. And I have received a pension of sorts, a disability payment actually, from the VA. They have given me drugs which help. But eventually the drugs dull my senses and give me difficulty in expressing myself. So I quit them for a time. At those times I am lucid. But eventually I become disoriented and my wife reminds me I need to take the drugs again. It's a cycle. Interestingly enough I was not like this until I was in the military. But do seek help. I have found a way to get along with the system. I strongly suspect I am an experiment by the military. But I do what I can do. Find an outlet. I paint and interact with other people. You are strong and will find a way to deal with this. Above all else. Trust that there is a greater power than you and the governments that will eventually provide you with insight. That power is inside you. email me at [email protected] if you want to. I am not afraid of emails.

[edit on 25-1-2008 by kyred]

Thanks for sharing your experience.

I know I am not alone in this struggle with unseen forces.

I have never given out my e-mail address on this forum or others. I am unlike you in that i am cautious in this matter and want to keep my e-mails to a minimum and dont have the time or energy to read or respond to many of them.

I think you are right in finding strength within and that a greater power will help. I have hobbies to keep busy. I have never been married and feel that solitude is best for me. I do have a few friends who I mostly talk to on the phone, and a couple of relatives I talk to each week. However, they dont believe my views or experiences much.

I have never quit my meds (only the ones that dont work), I have always been on meds since the early nineties, except a brief time to see if I really needed them, I had a relapse and break, and had to go back on them. I know its important to stay on them. I know I am dealing with both a mental disorder and unseen forces.

I want to elaborate a little.

Some of my experiences that stand out and further offer proof in that I am dealing with these hidden forces:

Once, I woke up from sleep, saw I was in my room, a man appeared out of nowhere, and gave me a hug, I asked him if he was an angel and what his name was (he said Jonathan), he was not an angel, he then touched a glowing device on his hip (looked like an L.e.d. light) and phased out dimensionally and disappeared.

Once, in another disrupted sleep occurance, I woke up in my hotel room briefly, and saw a doorway of white light, I reached down from my bed and turned a knob and the doorway disappeared. I can only guess this was perhaps an invitation to go in, but I was leary of it and decided not to (these could have been malevolent beings inside).

While traveling through Colorado Springs on the interstate I-25 heading north, I briefly saw a ufo, it was traveling in tandem and in the same direction as my car and appeared out of nowhere, I could see it looked like some sort of shuttle (not a classic silver disc shape) and two pilots and one waved to me, then it disappeared suddenly and was gone in seconds.

While in Half Moon Bay near San Francisco in 2005, there were govt license plated cars outside my hotel room, and I could overhear the agents in the next room (a phone rang) and they said, "should we take him in for questioning?" and they then said (in regards to the person on the other end of the phone), "no, its a movie and music industry thing".

While traveling north on Hwy 101 through the redwood trees and near the enigmatic Bohemian Grove, I had a missing time event happen to me. I suddenly found myself further north by a hour or so and did not remember going past Bohemian Grove, and i walked into a convienence gas station, and two young guys playing pool said, things are getting weird (ala Twilight Zone), when I got back in my car, I saw a middle aged man dressed in a long black coat with a stoic look on his face walking down the side of the road with his hands in his pockets (he reminded me of how the angels looked from the movie City of Angels).

While traveling north on hwy 101 again, and crossing the CA, OR border, a mini van passed going the opposite southern direction and I saw the lady in it put her index finger up to her mouth in a gesture I took it to mean "better keep quiet about all this that i discovered/experienced". Later in Bandon OR I had some more unusual events happen.

When I crossed the Canadian border in 2005 near Thunder Bay, I overheard the border agents say "he's a psychic vet..."

My life feels like a Twilight Zone episode.

I will try to remain strong in dealing with all this and with my situation and mental challenges, maybe, if i distance myself to some degree from the ufo/conspiracy paranormal fields of study, my condition may level out and calm down, become more manageable.

Thanks to all who have responded to this post.

Like you I am not sure what is happening to me. Maybe I made an occurance happen to me in order to make sense of all this. But I had a wonderful experience in my art studio. It was an intense experience, seeing an angel and then receiving color laced visions from the corner where I first saw him. The colors expressed emotions at first and over the course of a few days expressed thoughts. I believe I was tapped into the creator. It was a wonderful experience. What was this? I don't know. But the drugs from the VA didn't dull these experiences. I don't know what to make of all this. Was this a result of my mind or a reaction to experiences in my past. Was it due to the drugs I was taking? I don't know. But I sure enjoyed the hell out of it for the 3 weeks it happened. But after this experience I placed my trust in a higher power than me. And I have found peace.

reply to post by kindakeen


You could probably make a fortune writing screen plays or books. Your experiences make for a pretty good read. I am not trying to make light of your situation, this topic just fascinates me.

I am a vet as well. I feel for you. Would you rather feel sedated / medicated or deal with the consequences of not taking your meds? The fact that you continue to take your meds pretty much answers that question though. Are you completely non functional / dangerous to yourself or others, when you are off your meds?

I know it isn't the same, but I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago and eventually I made the choice that I would rather be depressed and non medicated than walk around feeling like a zombie. The lack of emotion and dullness associated with the meds was it's own type of depressing and eventually it became worse to me than my original depression.

I have thought on writing a screenplay before (actually started even before 2005 when things got even stranger), but I simply dont have the optimum talent and drive necessary. I cant write dialogue (I tinkered with a movie with mainly voice narration as the story developes, as thoughts within the main character's head, and the intruding interdimensional voices). I dont think Hollywood has made a movie like the one I envision. I also think Hollywood would not likely make a movie about someone like me and demonstrate potential secret military/govt projects involving mind control and surveillance. Lastly, I still like to keep my relative anonymity and if a movie was made based on me, I would most likely receive unwanted ridicule and opposition/harrassment, even more so than I already do.

Yes, if i could get by without taking meds, I would, and I have tried.

Yes, i most likely would decompensate off meds and possibly become dangerously manic (I dont think I would hurt myself or others, and in the past- I never did).

Yes, I feel depression too (though not as deep as off meds) and feel numb and not quite like a zombie, but surely tired and fatigued.

Congrats on dealing with your problem, I wish you well for the future.

Strangely enough, I have had similar angel visitations and visions (while on meds, and these were no hallucination, although usually I can tell which is an illusion and which isnt).

I have seen indigo/violet colored winged spiritual beings (angels), sometimes very rarely they convey thoughts to me. I usually get a good vibe from them. Also, I have encountered bat winged demons and other malevolent spirits or fallen angels. I see Marilyn Monroe's spirit too, though she never speaks. I think Marilyn suffered from manic-depression and had a very tragic life (mother had schizophrenia), she possibly helps those on Earth struggling.

Again, this all sounds like some movie, and its like that Jim Morrison Doors song 'The Movie', and its lyrics go " have you lived a ? life, enough to base a movie on?"

So I am glad you had a good vision, and I dont doubt it, these things happen (though rarely), happy you have found peace.

I sometimes feel peaceful, but mostly feel harassed by the govt/military/alien/demons.

I did a net search for Lay Institute and it comes up in the first page of results, next goto Articles, and then goto Mind Control and The Early Mind Wars, for info on some of what I have been going thru. I know now that I am really experiencing surveillance by govt/military/aliens or ultra terrestrials (highly advanced ancient humans), and I merely wanted to get my story out here at ATS for those interested. Thanks for reading this.

Lastly, another two weird phenomena that has been happening to me for years:

Sgaileadh (ancient Scots Gaelic for flash or blink of light), happens to me when a meaningful thought happens, the flash coincides with the thought, sometimes a white diamond like flash, sometimes indigo blue. The only time I ever heard of this phenomena, was when I happened to tune into a Bio tv show of Margot Kidder (actress who played Louis Lane in the Chris Reeves original Superman movie)--a documentary which said Margot used to see flashes or dots of light as a child. Later in life Margot developed manic depression, and guested on the Larry King Live tv show talking about it.

And, I sometimes see silver glints or flashes directly in front of my moving car on highways, almost like if a silver spacecraft is escorting me, and fading briefly in and out of a nearby dimension or its cloaking is not total.

I have no ultimate reason or answer for all this happening to me?

perhaps someday I will

Do I understand this correctly that you didn't have any psychological issues before joining the Army? Or have you been dealing with this on some level your entire life?

No major psych issues before joining Army, just average ups and downs of childhood and adolescence.

I became really paranoid on the DMZ, the DeMilitarized Zone, between North and South Korea, in 1990-91, at the same time as the first Gulf War, in which our tours of duty were extended to 18 months,

I have to include something here which may have additional bearing:

I was stationed at Guard Post Collier as a DMZ MP (on a rotation from Camp Casey/Tongdu chon with the 2nd Infantry Division),

and I went AWOL with a young pretty Korean girl, before the Gulf Desert Shield began, later I turned myself in. Since up to that time, I had served over 2yrs with faithful ability and was on the fast track to promotion (on the verge of making Sgt. and qualifying for recruitment into Special Forces as an 18 echo communications Green Beret). I decided against going down that path and went AWOL instead, effectively ending my career. In 1991 as the Gulf War actually began (later becoming a brief war), I also had been seeing the Chaplain and had problems with religion and my conscience. I eventually declared conscientious objector status, and was later honorably discharged.

I think Einstein said something like: "if no one picked up a rifle to fight, there would be no wars."

Nonetheless, I do believe in defending one's country (especially during WWII, its the more recent wars, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, that trouble me).

When I exited out of the Army from the then operational Presidio, I got on a bus home and a stranger listened to my story, asked me where I planned to go to college and then cryptically said while getting off the bus, "Take Care", a passing comment, but as I was already paranoid at that point, it always bothered me.

When I got off the bus at an unscheduled stop, at a closed gas station, on a highway at least 10 miles or more to my mothers home (where I was headed), a young man appeared out of the darkness (he was not from the bus, as I had been the only one to get off), and walked and talked to me as I walked along the hwy, and we were picked up by a car and taken to the small town I was going to. I never saw that stranger again, and I had known the driver who picked us up, and she said the stranger also got off at the same town. She was kinda upset, that I did not tell her I never knew the strange companion, and something bad could have happened if he had been a criminal or violent or something.

I've had other strange occurences on buses too.

Maybe since I objected to the military back then, they began monitoring me.

Although, I have never been anykind of threat, I am not political, I have not joined any controversial groups, I lead a quiet life, besides my time on the road over the years traveling far and wide, like many veterans.

When I began researching the paranormal, ufo, conspiracy subjects from 2001-2005, things took a turn for the worse.

I also became delusional (grandiose), claiming I was either an et (my father being in the Air Force, possibly an et), or some kind of angel or saint.

I read that Saint Origen an ancient mystic Christian, claimed that angels can incarnate into human form. My belief being that some angels incarnate at human birth as a baby and lead human lives to experience what its like to be human. It would explain my troubles in part, and my partial clairvoyance and clairsentience and clairaudience, or it could be that the unseen forces simply have thought wavelength tech that can inject thoughts or pick them up.

Angels, and some ets have telepathy, and one cannot hide things from each other with these abilities, thus, more honesty and less crime/war.

There are other bizarre events in my past/present, but I am getting a little more paranoid mentioning them here, I will probably drop out of ATS, and merely lurk about for a while. I have completed my goal of getting my story out for others to ponder, and will be moving on.

Peace all

Lastly,

I wanted to say:

I have found ATS to be a professionally well done site.

I dont expect anyone to believe my story, but I tell you it is true and that there are probably more veterans with similar stories and experiences, but that are either homeless, mentally ill (like me), or secure and stable and strong/healthy enough and not able or willing to share them.

I have made an effort to make a couple of other posts in the General Conspiracies and UFO/Alien areas, with little or no replies, so maybe I have discredited myself because of this post stating my mental illness.

Nonetheless, I hope I have contributed in some way.

I doubt that I will avidly continue pursuing more alien/conspiracy/ufo books and subjects, as I have aleady done so since 1991, and have learned enough to know there is something wrong with our world and very bizarre things do happen (my story is one testament to that). I hope my situation improves and that others dont have to undergo what I have.

Best regards,

kinda keen